


Endless Love

by FenZev



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Mystery, Romance, Suspense, Templars, The Chantry, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2013-04-19
Packaged: 2017-11-16 09:23:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 48,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FenZev/pseuds/FenZev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Setting: Post DA2. Cullen has been given the position of Knight-Commander after the templars defeated the mages. He was settling into his new title quite nicely until someone from his past walked into his office. What she asks of him will test his loyalty to the Order and force him to question everything he once stood proudly for. It will also test his heart. F!Amell/Cullen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

Standing in the Gallows courtyard now was a bit different than it used to be. He was no longer required to do so, being the new knight-commander, but old habits were hard to break. Cullen used to enjoy watching the recruits as they sparred, seeing the mages out for their daily exercise, smelling the scents of Solivitus' herb stand just a few feet away. But now as he began pacing the perimeter he couldn't help but notice the changes in his once comforting home.

The largest change was obvious, at least to him. The shadows on the ground from the towering bronze statues were gone, making the area brighter than he had ever imagined it could be. The massive structures had been destroyed in the recent battle, both a curse and a blessing. Cullen involuntarily brought a hand to his temple as he remembered seeing the suffering slave figures come to life, their larger guardians before them. The way the ground shook as they walked, the sound of bronze against steel. A faint haunting echo still lingered in his mind. That part of the battle did not make it into the official reports. Living statues? Surely they'd label him mad, no matter who backed up his story.

The corners of the courtyard were eerily vacant, the merchants that used to dwell there had either been killed or ran off when the fighting began. Enniel always had a smile for Cullen as he brought out his blades in the morning. Qilan, his partner, was less polite but still a familiar face behind the armor he sold. Both gone now, to places unknown. Their stalls had been removed only last week, forgotten merchandise not completely useless was placed in the templar armory.

The pillars and platforms, naked without their statues, rarely gave him pause. But every day since the Chantry was destroyed Cullen couldn't continue beyond the very center of the courtyard without stopping. A moment in time continued to replay in his mind, refusing to let him forget what happened that day.

_I defended you when Thrask started whispering you were mad, but this is too far._

The look in her eyes when he had said this, the vibration of her sword as she pointed it towards his chest, these things he would not forget any time soon. The hissing sound each swing made as it cut through the air brought a familiar shiver down his spine. This memory always came back to him in a flash as he stood on top the darkened stone. Though her "body" had been long removed, the marble beneath was still scorched in black.

_This is not what the Order stands for!_

Cullen tried to remind Meredith of her duty before asking her to step down. She insisted on killing the Champion without cause, a decision that was completely irrational. When her eyes widened, accused _him_ of falling prey to blood magic, Cullen knew in that moment she was lost. She had truly gone mad, may have been the entire time, and he didn't realize it until it was too late. He put his life on the line that day, standing alongside Carver Hawke to protect the Champion. Cullen knew he couldn't change the errors he had made, but he would certainly try to make up for them.

Dwelling on such matters would do him no good; he knew this. With determination Cullen moved towards the Gallows Hall to his office and prepared for another pleasantly uneventful day of paperwork and scheduling.

* * *

The rain began to fall as she stepped off the barge, thankful to be near solid ground again. The trip to Kirkwall had been dreadful aboard the cargo ship; ignoring the men with their prying eyes, roaming hands, and stale ale breath was no easy task even for her. It seemed they'd take anyone with a pair of legs, and apparently it'd been some time since they did so. All it took was one look from beneath her hooded cloak though and the men backed away quickly. Her scarred face, white hair, and stormy eyes were both a blessing and a curse.

Supply vessels had no cabins for passengers. Her bed for the last week was the hard deck, and her body ached as she walked down the plank to damp yet figuratively dry land. Her stomach continued to argue with her that food was now an immediate necessity, and other bodily functions were demanding her attention as well. The only woman on the vessel, she didn't have it as easy as the men did when it came to such things. Being new to the city however, she didn't want to risk doing anything until she became familiar with her surroundings.

After tossing a few gold sovereigns to the ships captain, the second part of her payment, she inquired about where she may find the knight-commander. The heavyset man looked down at her and gave her a toothless grin. "Other side of the city I'ms 'fraid. Needs a lift by boat."

"You could have told me that before Lenny," she said to the captain with a frustrated sigh. Not surprising to her though, luck had never been on her side. Back aboard yet another ship? No, her body reminded her. It's now or never. "Food?"

"We can show ya missy," one of the barge workers offered. "Headin' that way ourselves."

Blighted memory, did she know his name? She couldn't recall, or hadn't even bothered to find out, and a small twinge of guilt twisted her inside. He was one of the nicer ones; always made sure she had an extra blanket when the night chill came in and usually offered extra rations when the others weren't looking. "Thank you," she said quietly, now paying careful attention to their movements as they walked through this strange new place.

The local tavern seemed typical of other establishments she had frequented in her travels. Always stew, always watered down ale. If you closed your eyes, the smell and sounds of the place could be any one of the more shadier establishments across Thedas. Except of course for the boisterous dwarf in the corner; you'd think he was out of place somehow, but he appeared to be right at home.

She ate quickly and quietly, keeping company with those she had traveled with to avoid suspicious eyes had she dined alone. Doubtful anyone here knew her, but she kept the hood of her cloak over her head just in case. Can never be too careful, especially when on the run. Now if only she can make it to the washroom without incident...

"Need help miss?"

_Blighted dwarf, where did he come from?_ "No, thank you," she whispered hoarsely as she stepped around him on the stairs. _Please don't keep talking, please don't keep talking..._

Her inner mantra seemed to have worked as she heard the dwarf yell something about a bet to whomever he had been drinking with. The clink of coin on a table echoed from the main room as she safely made it to the washroom.

* * *

Cullen sat back in his chair and observed the recruit training from his office window. The Order had an astounding number of volunteers after the fall of the Chantry; mainly religious folk, but a handful of guards had asked to join as well. Given the numbers they had lost that day, Cullen accepted nearly all who showed promise. In the beginning it was harder to distinguish those who were sincere in their request and those who wanted revenge against the mages, but now they had a better handle on it.

The group training below appeared to be a capable bunch. The heavy rain that had fallen throughout the day didn't stop them from their drills. Each row remained in pristine formation through lunges and forward attacks and defensive stances. Cullen made a mental note to commend their trainer for the obvious time and hard work he had invested.

With a heavy sigh Cullen pulled himself away from the window and went back to the several missives and scheduling requests he had to sort through before the days end. He was starting to realize why Meredith was locked in her office for most of the day; the paperwork was never-ending. And yet another task he had to perform; cleaning out her office. He preferred to remain in the familiar surroundings of his own office and had no intentions on changing that. But she would no doubt have paperwork left over that he should've attended to months ago.

_Maker, why does every noble insist on inviting me to their parties?_ Most of his letters were just that, and his head began to ache with the amount of excuses he would have to come up with. He'd have to wait for his meeting with the captain of the guard later in the week; Aveline always had the best excuses.

The knock at his door was a welcome distraction, and he called for his guard to enter. An unnecessary precaution he felt, having a guard, but Aveline had insisted that until all of the mages were accounted for he needed the added protection. "My apologies for the intrusion Knight-Commander," Brodie said as he stood in the doorway. "There is a messenger here for you."

Cullen didn't bother to look up when the man entered. He continued to read yet another invitation as he extended his hand to receive the letter. "Thank you Brodie," he responded.

Brodie gently coughed to get Cullen's attention. "No letter Sir," the guard told Cullen when he made eye contact. "She says she has to speak with you personally. Says it's news from Kinloch Hold."

Cullen quickly pushed his chair back and stood to look over Brodie's shoulder. An outline of a figure dressed in a black hooded cloak casually leaned against the opposite wall. Cullen rested his fingers on the hilt of his sword that stood next to his desk and then nodded to Brodie. "You can send her in."

The guard bowed as he moved aside and gestured for the woman to enter. Cullen noticed simple leather armor beneath the cape, but could see no obvious sign of weapons. The lack of muscle tone on her exposed calves told him that she was no warrior or rogue. She stood with her head down so he couldn't see her face, drops of rain falling from her hood to the floor. Her traveling clothes did not appear to be of Ferelden make. His curiosity was nearly killing him, so he decided to allow this person his time.

"You may leave us Brodie," Cullen told his guard while keeping his eyes on the woman.

Brodie hesitated before his departure, searching for any sign that Cullen may be trying to signal him or be in danger. When he saw there was none, the guard reluctantly exited the office, closing the door behind him.

"Shall we get down to business then?" Cullen asked the mysterious messenger. "What news do you bring from the Circle?"

The woman that stood before him remained silent as she slowly brought her hands to the front of her hood. Her movements were full of apprehension as she pulled back the damp material, her wet hair clinging to her forehead. She didn't dare look up at him, keeping her chin tucked closely to her chest.

He didn't need to see her face. Her white hair gave her away instantly, though it was much shorter than the last time he had seen her. Her hands were trembling as she finished removing her cover, allowing the hood to fall into position on her back. Cullen took a deep breath before circling his desk, his sword long forgotten.

She shied away from him the moment he was within arms reach, turning her body to her left. "Don't," he said as he brought his hand to her face, gently resting his fingers under her chin. Cullen felt the pressure within his chest as he looked into her eyes. The same smoky gray eyes that had haunted him for years now looked back at him. Her skin seemed darker, harsher than the soft pale he used to know, but this was her; she was here.

It wasn't until he caressed her face that he brushed upon what she had been hiding. He delicately ran the pad of his index finger across the scar that ran from the tip of her brow to the middle of her cheek. Cullen saw the shame in her expression, the fear in her eyes. It broke his heart to see her sadness, but Maker knows it was never her looks he fell in love with. "Solona," he whispered her name, as if saying it too loudly would make her disappear. "What are you doing here?"

"I need your help Cullen," Solona replied quietly. "I know I shouldn't have come, but there's no one else I can trust."

"What's happened?" Cullen asked as he pulled his hand away from her. He scolded himself for even touching her. It has been years, they were no longer...whatever it was that they were. But to see her again, here, standing in his office...

She tried not to let him see that his sudden withdrawal hurt as much as if he'd hit her. "Please hear me out, that's all I ask," Solona said quickly. Now that she was here, standing before him, she felt nervous. Not only did all of the old feelings she had long since buried come to the surface, but she feared that their time apart would prevent him from helping her. If he refused, she didn't know what she was going to do. He was her last option, her only option.

"Please don't make me ask again," Cullen warned a bit more harshly than he had intended. She certainly hadn't changed that much; her tone was similar to the many times she had done something she wasn't supposed to in the tower, and then had come to him for help. Only they weren't in the Circle any longer. She was still a mage, Hero or not, and he was now the knight-commander of Kirkwall.

Solona almost smiled at his familiar lack of patience. She would've, if it wasn't for the severity of the situation she was in. "It's the Seekers," she whispered as if they were listening. "They are coming for me."


	2. Chapter 2

How he made it back to his desk chair with the way his legs were shaking, Cullen wasn't sure. His heart was racing, pounding so hard within his chest that he was certain she could hear it. He gripped the arms of his chair and lowered himself into the soft cushion. "My guard will expect your leave soon," he told her. Cold, hardened, the words were harsh but he couldn't help it. His head was a mass of chaos and confusion; he couldn't think, couldn't breath, as long as she was there.

Solona remained near the door, hand on the handle ready for flight at a moments notice. Silently she scolded herself for her words, quick as they always were without thinking. This visit too was with little thought. She knew she needed help, she ran to the only person she trusted. A templar. Overseen by the Seekers of Truth. His duty alone was cause enough to bring her in for admitting she was wanted by them. She pulled at the hood of her cloak and covered her head once more. "I won't keep you then," she said quietly.

 _Don't let her walk away again you fool,_ his inner panic screamed at him. "Wait!" Cullen nearly yelled, so much so that she jumped as his command startled her. "It is not safe to talk here," he said more gently.

Her eyes softened as she looked him. Maybe he would help her? "Tell me when and where, and I'll be there," she replied.

Cullen opened one of the drawers of his desk and retrieved a scroll. Solona stepped closer as he unrolled the parchment to reveal a detailed map of Kirkwall. "This should help you get around for now," he told her. He pointed to a spot in the corner of Darktown. "There is an entrance here that'll lead you to the tunnels below the city. It exits here," he ran his finger along the map to the Gallows dungeon. "I will meet you there at midnight."

Solona placed her hands on the corners of the map as she studied the layout. "These tunnels are safe?"

Cullen nodded. "Once you take the boat back to the docks, you get to Darktown this way." He plotted the quickest route for her to get from the docks to the tunnel entrance. "As soon as we learned about this passageway we had it cleared out. I anticipate you will find no resistance."

She accepted his word and stepped back, allowing the edges she was holding to curl inwards. Cullen rolled up the map and retied it, handing it to her. "Thank you," she said sincerely. "I will be there."

As she turned her back on him, Cullen spoke once more. "Be careful," he asked of her.

Solona smiled, though he couldn't see. "Aren't I always?" she said to him before disappearing out into the hall.

 _No,_ he thought but didn't dare say. Careless, reckless, always in over her head. That is what he would say if asked to describe her. But careful? No. Not the Solona he knew, or had fallen in love with. Years may have gone by, but not a single day could escape him without a thought of her. Thinking it was her in the shadows, smelling her scent upon the wind...seeing her today brought it all back, and he feared the trouble she was in would take her away from him again.

If there was something he could do to prevent that, he would. Maybe this time things could turn out differently for the both of them.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

_It was late; much later than she thought it was, and Solona quietly pushed her chair back from the table. The templars in the library hadn't asked her to leave yet, but she knew they were about to. It was always clear when they were tired and hungry, and as the last mage in the room she was preventing them from getting to their meal early._

_Before she stood she slipped the parchments under her robe, holding them securely with her thumbs as she folded her hands in front of her. A quick nod to the ever quiet guards that watched her under their helms and she exited the library to the hall of the apprentice's quarters, keeping her back to them as much as possible without looking suspicious._

_Around the corner and she was free! She withdrew the pages and looked at them as she took the familiar walk to the large room where she bunked with several other apprentices. Solona frowned as she studied her handiwork; there was much more to be done, but it would have to wait until morning._

_"What do you have there?" a male voice asked behind her._

_Solona froze._ How did I not hear his armor? _she thought to herself._ What am I going to do? Think Solona...think...

_"Please don't make me ask again," the templar repeated. He was getting angry; clear in his tone this one had little patience._

_Solona turned around and looked up at the templar. Strange to see one without a helm; even stranger that she didn't remember ever seeing him before. She'd spent most of her years in the tower...how did she not know him? His hand was outstretched, waiting for her to hand over what she was looking at. She did so reluctantly._

_He looked down at the paper and then at her, eyes continuing the trail between the two several times. A raised eyebrow of curiosity made her feel a little more at ease. "These are stunning," the templar stated, reviewing three different drawings of a woman. Long light hair, high cheekbones, small thin lips; all a close resemblance to the mage before him, though much older._

_"Revka," Solona told him. "My mother. Or what I imagine she looks like."_

_Her words surprised him, though he wasn't sure why. Most mages were brought to the Circle very young; probably more than half didn't remember their parents. "You know these pages are meant to remain in their books," he now did his duty in scolding her. "Perhaps tomorrow you could ask your instructor for some blank pages, instead of drawing on the back of spells?"_

_Solona nodded. "My apologies. It won't happen again."_

_"I should hope not," he told her as he handed the pictures back to her. "Hide those well," he whispered to her as she took them._

_The surprise and excitement in her expression nearly caused him to smile, but he resisted. Normally he'd never allow a mage to break any of the rules; doing so would cause him to seem weak in front of the other mages. But they were just drawings he tried to justify to himself. Where's the harm in that?_

_As he turned to walk away from him, Solona couldn't help but call out to him. "What's your name?"_

_The templar ignored her and continued to walk on, forcing Solona to enter the room and drill her fellow apprentices that were clearly eavesdropping by the door. She had to know who that man was._

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

It took Solona several minutes to adjust to the smell when she opened the entrance to the underground tunnel. Whatever clearing out Cullen claimed his templars had done, it was obvious they left behind a few things to rot. She lit the torch with a simple fire spell and followed the path he had provided for her on her map.

Somewhere in the distance water was dripping. It was the only sound besides her own breathing and the crackling of the flame she held. The ground beneath her feet was damp, traces of footsteps before her still imprinted in the mud. A chill was in the air, whether it be from being underground or her own fear she wasn't sure, but she quickened her pace.

The light she held did little for the black void that was in front of her. While it illuminated the immediate vicinity, each step was a leap of faith into the unknown. Unfamiliar paths in an unfamiliar city was something Solona was not accustomed to. Though doubtful daylight would've helped a place this deep, she still wished there was a light at the end of this darkness to run towards.

Minutes seemed like hours as she moved. The crumbled rocks she walked upon hurt the soles of her feet through her thin shoes. Occasionally she would reach out for the nearest wall to regain her balance in the disorienting underground. The air seemed thicker the further she went in, and her lungs grew heavy with each inhalation. All she wanted was to get through this, get to safety, get to Cullen.

A large stone boulder up ahead blocked her path, and she stopped to take out the map and study it again. One hand holding the torch made it difficult for her to unroll the parchment but she managed to hold open the portion she needed to view. She walked around the obstacle as she read the map, thinking it best to focus on what she could see rather than what she couldn't. Halfway there she noticed, just a little further.

With her eyes no longer on the ground beneath her, she failed to notice the large shadow she was approaching. It wasn't until she tripped, screaming in the process, that she was able to see the corpse of a very large spider she had fallen over. She scrambled to her feet quickly and continued on into the darkness.

Now she ran, resolved herself to staring only at her feet to avoid falling again _. Pull yourself together,_ she scolded herself. _Slayer of darkspawn and archdemon and yet can't walk around in the dark..._

Each turn seemed the same; every corner, every wall, the ground, the ceiling, repetitive patterns that went on and on with no difference. Was she going in circles? She didn't know...a rat trapped in a maze, she ran faster as if speed alone would cause her to break free from this nightmare she seemed locked in. It was too dark, too familiar, too much like a place she'd been before...lost in an endless loop of time and desperate to find a way out...

Suddenly something gripped her upper arms and she screamed again, pushing against whatever was attacking her. _No, not here, not again! How did they find me here?_ Quickly Solona thought to mind blast the creature off of her, but just as the magic grew within her it was ripped away from her. "Solona calm down," his voice said. "It's me!"

The fire from her dropped torch lit up his face as she looked up at him. His voice, she knew him, she trusted him...if he was here, that meant she wasn't there... "Cullen?"

He pulled her in close as her body trembled. "It's alright," he soothing voice comforted her.

For a brief moment she fell into his arms, finally able to breath again. She never did do well in dark places, a fear she had shared with him on more than one occasion. But as she found herself finally relaxing in his arms, the effects of his smite reminded her what he did. She pulled away and punched him in the chest. "Don't ever do that to me again," she demanded.

Cullen tried to apologize. "I've been on the receiving end of your magic before remember. I did not enjoy it. When I heard you scream I had to make sure you were alright."

Solona sighed, picking up the torch. "I didn't know it was you," she admitted, her own apology in the tone of her voice. "I haven't slept much, and it's been a long day, and it's really _really_ dark down here."

It had been years since he saw that kind of fear in her eyes, but the memory was as clear as if it were yesterday. Cullen would take her anger any day, even if it was directed towards him, if it meant never seeing her scared again. "Come on. Let's get you out of here."

She followed him through the rest of the tunnels that exited beneath the Gallows in the dungeon. The stone cages and iron bars made her just as uncomfortable as being underground when they moved past each cell. Cullen discarded her torch with a stack of others; no need for it any longer in the lit area. "Quiet down here," Solona commented.

"Not all Circles have need for their prisons," Cullen replied. "I wouldn't have suggested you come in this way had anyone been here."

"Where are we going?" she asked as they approached the stairs that led to the exit of the dungeons.

"Home," he told her. "Quiet once we leave here; I've cleared the route of patrols but we will be passing the templar quarters."

Solona nodded, nerves piercing her insides again. She removed her shoes and carried them so there wasn't a second echo of footsteps in the hall. She tried to match Cullen's stride and stick to the walls as much as possible should someone exit their room.

Cullen appeared a little less fearful, though he too was nervous as they walked. It was late; he chose this particular time for her to enter the Gallows because he knew most of his men would be fast asleep. In the hours that passed between Solona leaving his office and nightfall, Cullen had a surprise inspection and drills to exhaust them. Not that they couldn't use the practice, he justified to himself.

They came to the end of one hall that split in two directions. To the left was the mage quarters; the cold gray stone giving it that lifeless feel. Knowing it was a prison in older times, it was obvious the original structure remained with very few changes. It even felt cold to look down the poorly lit hall that led to hundreds of mages sleeping soundly in their beds.

In the opposite direction was the templar quarters. From what Solona could see from the construction, the salmon colored stone was an addition to the original Gallows and not part of the prison itself. The hall was well lit, the stone carpeted , and several tapestries decorated the walls. Cullen led her down the corridor to the end, where he unlocked the large door to his quarters.

It took her a minute to realize that her mouth was open as she took in all that she could see. The room was much larger than his old pace in Kinloch Hold; a perk to being Knight-Commander she imagined. The main room had a fireplace on the back wall with a red-cushioned couch in front of it. On her right were a few bookshelves and his desk, to the left a large bed and an armoire. Armor and weapon stand along the wall with the door...it was the bigger than some homes she had been in. "Kitchen and washroom," Cullen pointed towards two doors on opposite sides of the room.

"I should've been a templar," she said walking towards the bed, her bare feet sinking into the soft plush of the carpet. "And for someone who's suppose to be celibate, this bed is way too big."

Cullen felt his cheeks burn as they flushed, and began walking towards the kitchen before she could notice. "Uh...tea?"

Solona sat on the bed to test its softness. "Would be lovely," she said. "Thank you."

She watched as he disappeared to busy himself in the kitchen. The vaulted ceiling, the large colored glass windows, it was overwhelming to her that he was now living like this. He seemed happy, content even, and suddenly guilt began to creep up inside her. Solona quickly pushed those thoughts away as she lay down on the bed. Maker she wished she had a bed like this.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Cullen did his best to try and forget about the woman in the next room. It was near impossible though when he heard the familiar creak of wood under his bed. She was here, in his space, his home, laying on his bed. He busied himself with pouring water into the iron kettle, preparing tea leaves, and then found two cups that they could use. He had never had a guest in his private space before; it surprised him he even owned two cups.

When he gathered his nerve again he left the comfort of the kitchen and entered the main room. "I know you prefer honey," he said as he settled the kettle onto the rack in the fireplace. "I'm afraid I don't have any."

A lack of response caused him to turn around and he saw that she was fast asleep on his bed. Cullen placed the cups quietly on his desk and retrieved the blanket off his couch. He brought it over to the bed and covered her up, careful not to wake her. He had wondered all day why the Seekers would be after her, but he didn't have the heart to wake her to get his answers. He returned to the fire and prepared his tea, and then spent the rest of the night watching her sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**._.~`~._.*~The Past~*._.~`~._.**

She entered the library at the same time everyday, and his heart skipped a beat the way it always did when she sat in front of him. He doubted she even knew he existed, or that it was even him hidden behind the plate helm he wore. Standard regulation for guard duty in the main rooms and halls; normally unbearably hot but he was always thankful for the mandate. He could watch her without consequence, his face would flush and he need not fear embarrassment. Her laughter always made him smile, and no one would know he grinned under his uniform.

Weeks were spent like this since he had first run into her in the apprentice quarters. His own private trysts in his head kept away the monotony of his duties. Every day she sat in the same seat, every morning a smile for him though he knew it was just a polite nod to her guards. She did so with every templar he noticed, but he imagined a more gentler expression when she greeted him.

On this day he watched as she began another one of her drawings. It was painfully obvious her studies were not that of words with the way she moved her ink across the parchment. Long strokes, then concentrated small streaks, always followed by a sigh when she leaned back to study her work. How was it he was the only one to notice such things?

He hated when the time came for her to leave. She would always say goodbye to him when she walked through the arched exit and he would nod in reply. He feared she would recognize his voice should he say a word, so he always remained silent when she retired for the evening. The next two hours of his shift he'd daydream about her, about a life outside the tower for the both of them, until guilt crept up inside him.

He was not supposed to have these thoughts, wishes, or dreams about someone such as her. He should be watching for weakness or corruption, not the way the candlelight brightened her colorless hair. He had sworn to protect the world from the dangers of the magic she held inside herself; how could he do this when all he could think of was the silver specks in her smoky eyes? Every day lost in her uniqueness, every night hating himself for it; the internal struggle of a lost templar.

Come mealtime Cullen had managed to push all thoughts of the mage out of his mind. Out of sight seemed to help him best, and he considered speaking to Greagoir about a change in shift. The knight-commander would no doubt ask why, of which Cullen had no good lie prepared, so the request would wait until he could think of something creative.

Other templars joined him at the table in the large hall as they began supper. His own thoughts were distracted by the mindless prattle that surrounded him. A few of the older templars were discussing upcoming Harrowings while the younger ones closer to Cullen were chattering about the mages. He paid little attention to either of the discussions until he heard mention of _'the one with the white hair.'_

"I hardly pay her any mind," Berwic said. "Her nose is always buried in that book of hers. Besides, she ain't much to look at."

"Not speaking of her face man," Reynard replied. "I prefer to focus on what I would do with that body of hers. Bet she's nice and ripe for the picking!"

The others laughed and nodded, agreeing with the dark haired templar. Cullen clenched his fists under the table, careful to control his temper in a room full of different ranking officers. It would do him no good to fight amongst his peers, especially in defending the honor of a mage. He stood without a word and retreated from the hall before any damage to his career could be done.

As he exited the room however, Knight-Lieutenant Dorner met him in the hall. "Ah, Cullen. Just the man I was looking for."

"What do you need of me?" Cullen responded with curiosity.

"Please," he gestured towards the end of the hallway. "Come with me."

Cullen followed his superior to the Knight-Commander's office. When he entered the room and saw that First Enchanter Irving was also there, his palms began to sweat from nerves. What did the two of them want with him? Had they become aware somehow of his thoughts when it came to the white-haired mage? "That'll be all Dorner," Greagoir said to his lieutenant, who closed the door upon his exit.

"You wished to see me?" Cullen asked of Greagoir while offering a polite nod to Irving.

"Yes," Greagoir said as he sat behind his desk gathering a few parchments. "A matter has been brought to my attention concerning one of the young apprentices, a Solona Amell."

Cullen's face remained expressionless. "My apologies Sir, I am not yet familiar with everyone's name."

Irving spoke for Greagoir. "She would stand out among the rest," he told Cullen. "Her hair is of an unnatural color."

That was her name then; Cullen hadn't known it before now. The tension within him continued to rise as the focus of his newly formed infatuation was the reason for this meeting. "Ah yes," Cullen acknowledged. "I am familiar with the..uhm..young lady you speak of."

Greagoir stood and approached Cullen with the papers he had gathered. "Upon a recent surprise inspection, we discovered these among her possessions."

Cullen took the pages Greagoir offered him. The first three were the pictures of Solona's mother he had seen when he first met her. He continued through the stack; her quarters, a few of the other mages, some landscapes that he assumed she drew from memory. The last one in the pile nearly caused him to break his calm demeanor when he stared down at a picture of himself. The soft smile that almost grazed his lips that day, but the stern look in his eye when he had scolded her. The likeness was astounding, as much as the revelation that she had taken the time to create it.

"As you can see this is a delicate situation," Greagoir continued. "We must discourage this sort of behavior before it gets out of hand. The First Enchanter and I agree it would be in the mage's best interest that you be the one to enforce her punishment."

Now Cullen couldn't help but shift uncomfortably. "What sort of punishment?" he asked.

"She awaits you in Irving's office," Greagoir explained. "You will escort her to the basement where she will spend an undetermined amount of time in solitary."

Cullen wanted to question his commander as to why such a severe sentence for such a small crime. Yes the rules were clear but he hardly saw the harm in allowing a mage to draw a few pictures. He didn't dare ask the commander about why he had come to his decision however; it wasn't his place, and it would only bring suspicion upon him.

"We mustn't encourage this type of behavior," Greagoir spoke, sensing Cullen's apprehension. "It is clear from the illustration that she holds a fascination for you. Common under these circumstances, and she won't be the last I assure you." He returned to his seat behind his desk. "Best to discourage her before things get out of hand."

Irving nodded in agreement. "She has the potential to go far here," he added. "If she focuses on her studies and does not become distracted."

"I will see it is done," Cullen advised them both before exiting.

Across from Greagoir's office was Irving's, and Cullen hesitated outside the door. He looked down at the picture of himself still in his hand, not realizing he had taken it with him. Again he found it was astounding; the fact that she had done it from memory even more so. And now he was to drag her to the dungeons because of it.

She looked up at him as soon as he entered the office of the First Enchanter. Cullen refused to meet her gaze as he nodded towards her guard. "I will take it from here," he said and the guard retreated from the room.

Solona looked away the moment he dared to cast his eyes in her direction. Her cheeks were flushed, odd how pink they became across her pale skin. Cullen ignored the longing he suddenly felt to comfort her, especially when a whispered apology fell from her lips. "You were right," she told him. "I should've hid them well."

He remained by the door, fearful of his own actions should he get any closer to her. "Let's go," he called to her as emotionless as possible.

Solona stood and walked towards him, then followed him as he walked down the long corridor. Down the stairs he continued, through the library and apprentice quarters until they reached the entrance to the basement. "Where are you taking me?" she finally asked, eyes wide with fear.

Cullen didn't answer her as he opened the large door and escorted her inside the dungeons. He led her to the first cell and stopped, turning to face her for the first time. "It shouldn't be for long," he now tried to calm her. "Seeing as it is your first offense, they will be fair."

Solona shook her head, her eyes pleading for him to help her. "I can't stay in there," she tried. "Please, it's too small, too dark!"

He felt her begin to panic so he gently placed his hands on her shoulders. "It's alright," he said to her. "Come, this one is slightly bigger and I will light more torches for you before I go." She walked with him along the row of cells to the corner one which was indeed nearly double the size of the others. Along the way he kept his promise of lighting the wall sconces. Cullen held the cell door open for her as she entered, and Solona turned around inside attempting to adjust to the new surroundings.

He locked her within and began to walk away before she called out to him. "I still don't know your name," she said in the distance.

Cullen stopped, though he didn't turn around. He shouldn't answer her question; encouraging the very thing his superior was trying to discourage. It would be easier if she didn't know, if they never saw each other again, if they weren't trapped together in this tower for the rest of their lives. But for some reason he wanted her to know, have something to call him should she ever think of him again long enough for another portrait. "Cullen," he responded, and then continued walking.

"Thank you Cullen," Solona added before sitting down in her cage.

As much as he regretted his decision to tell her, Cullen longed to hear her say his name again.

**._.~`~._.*~The Present~*._.~`~._.**

The first thing Solona noticed while drifting into consciousness was the scent that surrounded her. _His_ scent, one she was once very aware of, comforted her as she lay in the large bed. She was warm, relaxed, well rested, and most importantly she felt safe. It had been a long time since she felt this way, able to come out of a deep sleep without some weapon in hand or some person or animal rifling through her things. How quickly circumstances can change she thought as she rolled over.

The sunlight was bright as it flowed through the room from the large window. She focused for a moment on the dust particles that danced in the beams of light across the bed. There was peace here, such serenity that she longed to be lost in it forever.

A note left on the small table next to the bed let her know that Cullen wasn't home. Short, simple, but just enough to make her smile:

Stay.  
~C

How long had she imagined their reunion? How different it was in her mind from what she was forced to do? Months on the run, scrambling from town to ally just to find any word of where he had been transferred to and if she could even count on him to help her. One step ahead of the Seekers, one step behind him. Why didn't she come to him when she originally planned? Then maybe they had a chance, maybe he would want to be with her. Now...

Solona sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes, attempting to rid her mind as well of these useless thoughts. The fact was she was here now. The sad truth was she was about to change his life forever, one way or the other. It pained her to be the one to bring this to him. She had considered at one point never telling him, letting him find out with the rest of Thedas to believe or not to believe. It would've been the easier way to go, but then she wouldn't be here. And she wanted to be here, more than anything.

Movement in the hall startled her and she vaulted out of bed and hid in the kitchen. The sound of the lock clicking open caused her to hold her breath. The door opening and closing had her heart pounding as adrenaline laced with trepidation surged through her body. She listened intently as the sound of footsteps moved closer upon her, and she closed her eyes when they reached the entranceway she stood behind.

"Solona," his voice called to her, and her shoulders slumped with relief. The breath she held was released as she scouted around the kitchen door to see him, his warm eyes looking back at her with a hint of amusement.

"Don't even," Solona warned as she sensed the grin threatening to form on his lips. She moved from her not-so-secret hiding spot behind the door and returned to the main room, sitting back down on the bed.

Cullen followed, taking the chair from his desk and moving it closer to her. The playfulness was gone in his expression as he wasted no time in addressing the matter at hand. "Care to tell me now why you've come?"

She sighed, not really certain where to begin her story. It was a conversation she had rehearsed in her head dozens of times, but now that she was here she was finding it difficult to even speak. She took a moment to study his face, really look at him for the first time in years. He looked older, wiser, far from the shy young man she knew in Kinloch Hold. Not as tormented as he had been when she found him imprisoned by Uldred, and not as angry with her as he had been last they saw each other in Denerim. They had both been through a lot, seen and lived through more than anyone their ages should be forced to endure. And now they were together again, and she feared it was for the last time.

"Dagna is dead," Solona finally began when she felt his patience was nearing its end.

Cullen's surprise was clear in his expression as he leaned forward. "Last I heard she was committed to remaining in the tower," he said. "How?"

"She was murdered," Solona replied, watching him for a reaction. "By Greagoir's successor."

Cullen didn't know what to make of the news. "There must have been reason for her execution," he stated.

"Her research," Solona continued. "She had made several discoveries about lyrium that didn't sit well with the Divine. Dagna knew her life was in danger; she had sent word for me to help her escape the tower, but by the time I arrived it was too late. Her body was left for me as a warning."

"Why?" Cullen asked. "What do you mean left as a warning?"

"I was to meet her behind The Spoiled Princess. They left her body there for me to find, a sunburst branded into her forehead. No reason for that other than to scare me, knowing that dwarves can not be made tranquil." Solona took a moment before continuing, letting the imagine settle in his mind. "I have Dagna's research; she sent it ahead of time, and I can easily see why she was killed because of it. What she found will only add to the war between the mages and the templars, and lead the war right to the front steps of the Divine in Orlais."

Cullen was tired of Solona tip-toeing around the point. "Why was she killed Solona? Why are the Seekers after you?"

 _The point of no return,_ Solona thought. Once he knew, he'd be forced to make a decision. Turn her in, assist her, or let her remain on the run. "The last thing Dagna was researching was the difference between lyrium potions mages use to replenish mana and the lyrium templars require to develop their talents. She was able to break down both into their most basic form, and found that the two are exact in every way save one.

"The lyrium provided to templars by the Chantry have two additional ingredients: brimstone mushroom and Orlesian skullcap. These two herbs are known to be not only highly addictive, but increase agitation and paranoia. Dagna believed that neither were required for a templar to perform his duties."

Cullen processed what Solona had said. "The research of one dwarf is hardly worth execution," he replied.

"Unless it were true," Solona stated. "Cullen, she wasn't wrong. I worked with an ex-templar and we tested her theory. He was able to perform as any other templar by using regular lyrium potions without the two herbs. The only reason the Chantry altered the substance is to keep the templars in line by making it addictive. Not only that, but it alters the way you see mages, sometimes seeing demons and blood magic where there isn't any because the herbs make you paranoid. How many templars do you know that have lost their minds, or suffered severe withdrawal? It can all be avoided but the Chantry doesn't want anyone to know."

"You realize this borders on blasphemy," Cullen told her as he stood and began pacing the room. "A direct insult and accusation towards the Chantry and the Divine."

"But do _you_ realize how many mages have lost their lives, or were forced to become tranquil, because of something their templar accuser is ingesting on a daily basis? How many have been tortured, beaten, or raped because of aggression that didn't exist in a man before he became a templar? Your own previous knight-commander, was she not beginning to go mad even before coming in contact with that sword of hers?" Solona stood and walked towards him, daring to place her hand on his arm. "All of it perhaps avoidable, if you weren't all taking this drug the Chantry has forced upon you without your knowledge."

He turned to look at her, the conflict clear in his eyes. He didn't know what to say, how to react, what to even believe. Could it be possible?

"Perhaps it is blasphemy," Solona continued. "But it is also truth. It is my duty as a mage, as the Hero of Ferelden, to see to it that this information be brought to light. Just as it is your duty to turn me in," Solona reminded him in a whisper. She released her hold on him and walked towards the window, her back facing him. "The question now is, will you still help me? Or turn me over to the Seekers when they arrive?"


	4. Chapter 4

****

* * *

_His vows were spoken at the Grand Cathedral of Val Royeaux. The Divine stood before the alter with the Knight-Divine, the First Enchanter of White Spire, and several Grand Clerics. The room was a mass of plate and steel; several hundred recruits about to take their vows into the Templar Order. Cullen closed his eyes and bowed his head as the Divine asked her audience to repeat the words he had spent the last month memorizing._

_"Maker, my enemies are abundant. Many are those who rise up against me. But my faith sustains me; I shall not fear the legion should they set themselves against me. Maker, though the darkness comes upon me, I shall embrace the light. I shall weather the storm. I shall endure. What you have created, no one can tear asunder. Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker's light, and nothing that He has wrought shall be lost._

_"Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him. Foul and corrupt are they who have taken His gift and turned it against His children. There is but one truth: all things are known to the Maker, and He shall judge their lies. It is on this day that I vow to you dear Maker, I shall protect the innocent so that they need not fear harm by those who we've named Maleficar, accursed ones. I honor the teachings of your prophet Andraste, and swear to uphold the laws provided by the Chantry and the Divine Herself. Following the guidelines set within the Navarran Accord, I submit to the authority of the Chantry and join the Templar Order in your name."*_

_"So let it be," the Divine concluded. Cheers and handshakes filled the hall shortly after, and for the first time in his life Cullen felt like he had a purpose in this world. All of his hard work and training came down to this, and the feeling of belonging and brotherhood filled his chest with pride. When the Knight-Divine handed him his orders to Kinloch Hold, Cullen couldn't help the grin upon his face. Several of his friends were also assigned to the Ferelden Circle, and already plans began on which taverns to hit before reaching their destination._

Now he stood in Templar Hall, peering through the large building at the empty sky beyond. The tall towers of the Chantry used to be visible from where he was standing, and the thought gave him great pause. How he used to believe in the Chantry, its teachings and order. Now he didn't know what to believe or who to trust, not even himself.

If what she told him was true, Cullen had given his life to defending and believing in something that was as corrupt as the darkspawn he had fought. To think those in high command in Val Royeaux are aware, are capable, of doing such a thing to its followers, its faithful! Do the Grand Clerics know? The Knight-Vigilant or the Knight-Divine himself? Does the Divine even care of the consequences of such actions?

He had seen first hand what lyrium addiction has done to his fellow brothers and mentors. Greagoir once confided in him that the years of use were finally catching up to him. Bouts of disorientation, lost in memories and dreams even when awake, and the endless nightmares. The sicker he became, the more his paranoia worsened, and Cullen spent several nights convincing his knight-commander that there was no one out to murder him. It was for this reason alone that Cullen accompanied Greagoir to Denerim to aid Solona in defeating the darkspawn; allowing his mentor to die in battle rather than be sent off to Val Royeaux to die with the other aging templars who could no longer perform their duties.

Would he end up like that? A thought that had never occurred to Cullen before now. To think on ones own mortality was scary indeed, but remembering Greagoir's final days, or even Meredith...was he capable of such behavior? It would be out of his control, a side effect of years relying on the poisoned lyrium given to him by his own people, the ones he had vowed to honor, protect, and serve unconditionally. How much damage had already been done? Was it reversible?

Solona had the answers, yet he had left her alone in his room. He didn't want to hear any more that she had to say. Who was she anyway to come waltzing back into his life years later only to force him to question everything he had ever believed in? Why did she choose him? Why couldn't she have left him alone to live out his years believing what he had always believed. He was proud of what he did, believed in himself and the Maker that he followed. Now he was lost, torn apart inside with questions and doubt and hatred, all because she needed his protection.

These thoughts were unfair of him, he knew this. She wasn't simply there for protection or assistance. He knew the truth behind her words; she was afraid for him. Many of their past arguments always ended in him speaking of his vows, of his commitment to the Order and the Chantry. Both were the only reasons he had never been able to give himself completely to her. Oh how he wanted to, Maker knows the sins of his mind and the many ways he envisioned being with her. Now those reasons meant nothing. She had changed all that with a few words.

What was he supposed to do now? The Seekers were hunting her, and for good reason. Should news of her discovery spread beyond the two of them, the consequences would alter the very structure of life he had grown accustomed to, and all those who served the Order. If it was possible to perform their duties without the altered substance, why would the Chantry alter it? Was it even them? Perhaps the Divine is not aware, and it was done by someone in the Order? Where would they even begin to find these answers? Maker, there must be an explanation for all of this!

Someone had to have known. To kill Dagna for her discovery...she must have told the wrong person. The female dwarf from Ozammar that Solona brought to the Circle to study, murdered and then branded as a warning. He had seen Dagna often in the library pouring over books and reading everything she could get her hands on. Her excitement was infectious, and Cullen smiled briefly at the memory of her. Had anyone told her father he wondered? She had spoken of Janar and how he didn't support her leaving the underground city. What lies would the Order tell a man was the reason for his daughters death?

His thoughts were interrupted as his new knight-captain entered the hall with the recruit battalion. Cullen stepped aside and leaned into the wall as they marched in perfect sync filling the grand space. His eyes drifted to the faces of each young hopeful, a mirror into his past of a time when he felt quite the same. The company halted, turned left with precision, and stood at attention for the uniform inspection. Order, commitment, loyalty, words he had lived by for so long now shattered within himself, yet displayed before him. He exited the hall without any words of encouragement, for he had none left to give.

* * *

_***My version of the templar vows taken from the Chant of Light and the Canticle of Transfigurations.** _


	5. Chapter 5

__

* * *

Cullen paced his office like a caged animal, the rage building within him. He had his moment of sadness earlier, watching the recruits and seeing the hopefulness and determination in their eyes. Now he struggled, within the walls depicting symbols of the templars surrounding him, to find the meaning, any explanation, as to why the Chantry would have done such a thing to their loyal and faithful servants.

That familiar tingle began to stir in the back of his mind, the craving he now knew whom to blame for. It would always start the same way: a distant nagging and annoyance that if left unattended would turn into near fever and shakes. Only once had he let the need go longer than necessary, when he was trapped within the prison Uldred had created for him in Kinloch Hold. The nightmare he had been forced to live through was worsened by the days without lyrium. It took weeks to get back on a normal regimen under the watchful eye of Knight-Commander Greagoir. _Does he know?_ Cullen wondered. _Did he know then?_

He moved around his desk and opened the top left drawer where several vials of the lyrium potion rolled with the motion. He removed one and held it up to the window, inspecting the blue liquid in the sunlight. Every day at the same time he had ingested the substance, never thinking twice about it. Now Cullen felt the need to study it, squinting his eyes as if he could see the addictive poison swirling within. Looking beyond the vial at the empty space where the Chantry once stood, it was enough of a metaphor to cause Cullen to laugh uneasily. When he needed answers to so many questions, the Chantry was no longer there. The void in the sky matched the void he was feeling within himself.

He rested his forehead on the window and closed his eyes, gripping the lyrium potion tightly within his hand. _Dear Maker, why have you allowed this to be done to your loyal servants?_ Anger turned to grief once more as Cullen felt abandoned by the greater power. It was his choice to serve the Chantry. His faith in the Maker was strong, and he had decided long ago to give his life to serving Him. Others in the Order had even ridiculed him throughout the years for remaining celibate; not a requirement but a personal choice. It was his way of remaining true to the Maker, staying focused and fulfilling his duty to the Order, the Chantry, and the Divine. To learn none of these remained true to him…

The vial cracked and then shattered under the pressure of his fist, the blue liquid falling to the floor and down his arm combined with the crimson of his blood. Small shards of glass embedded within his palm, but Cullen was numb to the physical pain. Following the flow of anger that caused him to break the glass, he slammed his hand into the wall, pushing the glass further beneath the surface of his skin. When he withdrew, a handprint of blood remained smeared on the stone's surface.

Two quick knocks and then the door to his office swung open, his guard Brodie entering with sword drawn. The sound of breaking glass was cause enough for concern and he raced in without being summoned. Cullen turned and immediately hid his hand behind his back as the guard approached. "Forgive me Ser, thought I heard something," Brodie said when he noticed the room was empty except for Cullen.

Cullen shrugged, holding out his hand. "Broken vial is all," he replied, "though I appreciate your swiftness."

Brodie approached his desk. "Looks bad. Might want to have one of them mages take a look."

A nod from the knight-commander sent Brodie back outside the office door, shutting it behind him. Cullen felt the warmth of his blood slipping through his fingers and watched as it fell to the floor. He took one of the rags he used to shine his armor with and wrapped it around his hand. The open drawer of lyrium potions enhanced his need, and reluctantly he retrieved another vial and poured its contents down his throat. Instantly the warmth spread within him and the need for it subsided.

He hated how normal he felt after taking the lyrium, and wondered what else the substance had changed in him. It was clear by his own behavior he was dependent on it, and Cullen decided that was the first thing he needed to change. Perhaps with a clearer mind, his _own_ mind, the situation wouldn't seem as dire as it was. The one person that could help him though he continued to avoid.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Solona continued to wait for him, though he had been gone several hours now. She had made use of his bath, cleaned the weeks of dirt and grime from her armor, and then spent at least an hour cleaning up the mess she had made. Now she rummaged through the kitchen looking for something quick to eat in case he returned.

She was learning a great deal more about this Cullen. For starters, he was entirely too neat and organized. Must be all that discipline they teach you in the Order. His clothes were folded perfectly and aligned evenly in the armoire. Swords were in size order in the rack along the wall. His formal armor was so shiny Solona was able to use it as a mirror to fix her hair. Even his kitchen was perfect, and she resisted the urge to push a few glasses and dishes around to see if he'd correct them when he returned.

A few tugs on the covers put the bed back in order that she had slept in. The blanket Cullen used to cover her she now folded and draped over the couch where it had been yesterday. As far as she could tell, his "home" was back to its original condition before she came in and turned his life upside down. It saddened her to think about how he had left earlier; the look on his face said what he couldn't. If they were anywhere else, she would've run to him, comforted him, tried to make it easier for him. Instead she was trapped, forced to wait until he returned.

And what then? Would his decision be to turn her over to the Seekers? Solona considered the possibility before she had even come to Kirkwall. It was a chance she realized she was willing to take. If he were to turn her in, which it would be his duty to do so, she could finally stop running. That was almost a comforting thought as well. The past few years had aged her in more ways than she cared to admit; the idea of being someplace for longer than a month, even if locked in the dungeons at White Spire, was almost appealing.

The thought grounded her as she heard movement by the door. She didn't bother to run and hide as the lock released and it crept open. Cullen entered slowly, his eyes meeting hers before he shut the door behind him. "You're still here," he noted with a hint of relief in his voice.

"Where else would I be?" she asked. "I can't exactly leave here without assistance." For a moment his expression showed his disappointment, and Solona regretted her response. "Not that I want to go," she added.

He walked towards the couch where she stood. "I apologize for the way I left," he began. "The news you bring..."

Solona cut him off the moment she saw the blood-soaked rag. "Cullen," she gasped as she reached for his hand. He remained silent as she pulled away the fabric to reveal the gashes in his palm. "Oh Cullen," she sighed when she sensed the substance on his skin. "Wait here."

He sat on the couch while she went into the kitchen and filled a bowl with water. She retrieved a small towel from the neatly stacked pile in the washroom and returned to the main room, setting the items on the table. Cullen remained silent as she cared for his wound, carefully pulling out the visible shards of glass and wiping away the excess blood. Solona didn't realize how close they were seated together until she looked up at him and met his warm expression with her own. She felt her face flush under his gaze, and found words almost difficult to say. "May I?" she asked.

Cullen knew what she was seeking permission for. He closed his eyes and nodded as he allowed her to begin healing his wound. The warmth of her hands hovered around his own as he felt her work. Through magic she used his blood to push the remaining shards to the surface, carefully extracting each one as to not hurt him further. Though she doubted he felt much pain from the small scrapes, Solona did her best to keep him comfortable. Once she was certain all the glass was out of his hand, she began sealing the skin with pristine precision. A few minutes later she was done, wiping the remaining blood from his hand until there was no sign it had ever been cut.

"Good as new," she whispered, tracing her finger along the palm of his hand.

Cullen opened his eyes and closed his hand around hers. He brought his other hand under her chin and gently tilted her head upwards so their eyes would meet again. She felt herself slipping away under his touch, her heart racing the same way it used to whenever he showed her affection. He focused now on her lips, and Solona held her breath with anticipation.

Slowly his hand slid from under her chin to the back of her neck, spreading his fingers into her hair behind her ear. A delicate pull towards him and his lips met hers. First a soft graze, almost as if he were afraid she would pull away. But when she didn't, he pushed for more, and she obliged.

Solona's eyes slid closed as she felt the warmth of his tongue slip between her lips, his other hand releasing hers to place on her cheek. It had been so long since they'd been together like this, so long since she'd felt truly safe. She met his tongue with her own, remembering the first time they'd kissed, so many years ago. Things had been so much simpler then, the only problem between them the inevitable schism of templar and mage. At the time it had seemed so insurmountable, now she wanted to laugh at her past naiveté. She felt the warmth building behind her closed eyes, the rush of emotion that filled her made the tears inevitable.

He pulled back when he felt the warmth of her tears reach his fingertips, his lips leaving hers as he used his thumb to gently wipe them away. She cleared her throat and tried to compose herself, taking the break as an opportunity to confirm the answer to her question from this morning. "So I take it this means you _aren't_ turning me in?"

"That would be a reasonable conclusion, yes," Cullen replied with a soft smile.

Solona turned away, knowing she wouldn't be able to ask her next question if she had to look him in the eye. "How much of that kiss was about me?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

She forced herself to meet his gaze again, knowing that he knew precisely what she meant. The only reason he'd even asked that was to stall, she was certain. "I don't want to be the method of your revenge," Solona said firmly. "Don't...don't use me like that. Don't use _us_ like that."

Cullen released her and moved away from her on the couch, putting some space between them. "I'm sorry." Was that what he was doing? He didn't think so, but he could see how she may have taken it that way. Once again he was doing the wrong thing when it came to her; it seemed history insisted on repeating itself.

Solona nodded, swallowing hard to try and repress the emotions that still overwhelmed her. "So what now?" she asked changing the subject. "What are we going to do?"

He took her hand in his, regretting having hurt her but needing to still feel connected to her. "How about you tell me everything you've learned, and we'll go from there. One step at a time, alright?"

She offered him a genuine smile. "I can do that, on one condition."

He raised his eyebrow at her statement. "What would you have of me?"

"Food," she said with a soft laugh. "I'm starving, and there's very little in your kitchen for a girl to make."

Cullen couldn't help but laugh along with her as he stood, not releasing her hand but using it to pull her up. He led her into the kitchen and began to prepare something for them to eat while she told him her story from the beginning.


	6. Chapter 6

**._.~`~._.*~The Present~*._.~`~._.**

They had talked over dinner, Solona giving some further details into what she had learned from Dagna and her experiments. Cullen tried to listen with an open mind and forget, for the moment, the difficult position he was in. The question wasn't if he trusted Solona or the information she brought him. The problem was what to do with that knowledge. It would take longer than one night to work through, so they both mutually decided to take things one step at a time.

The immediate concern was of course the Seekers. Cullen couldn't run away with Solona to avoid them; they'd want to speak with the knight-commander of Kirkwall and he needed to remain in his position of power as long as possible to avoid suspicion. They also came to the conclusion that the Seekers were using Solona's phylactery to track her. "They've been on my heels for months," Solona advised him. "Taking over towns I was staying in and searching methodically through every building and under every stone."

"What need have they to search?" Cullen asked. "When used properly the phylactery narrows it down within inches."

Solona shrugged. "I'm not really sure. We suspect it has something to do with the taint that may be throwing it off."

"We?" Cullen repeated. "With whom have you been conspiring?"

"This was many years ago," Solona replied. "In Amaranthine there was another mage Warden that the templars were searching for. They were forced to setup an ambush for him because they couldn't pinpoint his exact location."

"If he was a Warden why would the templars be after him?" Cullen questioned.

Solona answered him honestly. "Some templars go after mages regardless if protected by the Wardens, or even the king. This group of templars traveled with Alistair and didn't even accept his word that the mage was off limits."

Cullen despised hearing about other templars abusing their power or stepping outside the rules of the Order. Even though at present his mind and heart were a mass of confusion, it still stung to know that others he may have even served with would go against the laws they swore to uphold. He had been witness to it at Kinloch Hold, and even here in Kirkwall. For someone who always believed strongly in personal integrity, it weighed heavily on him the news of others behaving in this manner.

"Don't think too much on it," Solona warned him when she saw his expression. "Some people abuse their power regardless of what position they hold. Happens everywhere. Even the Wardens have a few that don't necessarily abide by the rules." It saddened her to admit it, and she realized then that she could sympathize with what he was feeling. She was happy to be a part of the Wardens, the bond and fellowship they had seemed to match no other. At least in the beginning, when it was her and Alistair, and then those she had recruited in Amaranthine. After meeting others though and discovering the massive politics behind the Wardens, Solona realized her rose-colored world didn't really exist.

Cullen saw the despair in her eyes and wanted so badly to touch her; to caress her face or hold her hand, assure her that he'd stand by her. But after the kiss they had shared earlier and her doubts behind it, he was suddenly fearful. She would accept nothing from him until she was certain he really meant it, and he had to figure out for himself what was behind that kiss. Was it a reminder of the past? A need to know if there was a future? Or was he defying the Order spitefully and using her in order to do so?

The two were lost in their own thoughts until finally Solona broke the silence. "Distraction from the heavy stuff, what do you say?"

Cullen looked at her suspiciously. "What did you have in mind?"

"Break me out of here," she said as she stood and reached for her cloak. "Your home, however lovely, is growing smaller by the minute and I need some air."

"I have an idea about that," Cullen told her, standing as well and moving towards the door. "Wait here. I will return shortly."

Solona sat down on the bed and released a frustrated sigh. "Am I to be your prisoner now?"

"Maker you haven't changed a bit," Cullen stated as he opened the door. "You still have absolutely no patience. Wait here," he repeated, knowing she was never good at taking orders.

Solona gave him the only response she could now that the door was open. Once his back was turned, she stuck her tongue out at him and scrunched her nose in mock anger.

Cullen caught her though when he abruptly turned to say something else. He froze, staring at her child-like gesture and the scowl on her face. Solona quickly changed her expression and acted innocent, though her cheeks turned pink with embarrassment from being caught. He stepped away from the door and moved swiftly towards her, and ignoring all of his inner turmoil from earlier he brought his lips to hers, kissing her with ferocious hunger.

Solona was utterly disoriented when he pulled away, not realizing for a moment what had just happened. "Now I have the freedom to do what I wished to last time you made such a gesture. Do not tease me with that tongue again lest you desire the same consequence," Cullen warned as he returned to the door. "Now stay, and trust I will return shortly," he reiterated before finally exiting the room.

Still a bit in shock, Solona brought a finger to her lips and smiled. While she still had doubts about their first kiss, there was no mystery behind the second one.

**._.~`~._.*~The Past~*._.~`~._.**

The smell of old books and scrolls felt like home. Solona practically danced into the library for the first time in two weeks after her confinement. It was an odd sense of freedom, even though trapped within the tower. She smiled to those around her and took notice of the new recruits that had come in since she was gone. She inhaled deeply as she closed her eyes, thanking the Maker that things were back to normal.

She found the reference book she needed for class and settled down in her usual spot near the door. Learning her lesson she refrained from drawing any more pictures and tried to study instead. But each time a templar walked by she was distracted, wondering if it was _him_ hiding under that helm. Would they allow him to stand watch near her again she wondered? Solona wasn't an idiot, and had plenty of time to think about the circumstances surrounding her punishment. It wasn't the pictures she had drawn, it was because she had drawn _him_. A tower full of several dozen templars and they chose him to lock her up? They must think her a fool to fall for their discouraging tricks.

Self-discipline wasn't one of her stronger traits, but Solona eventually forced herself into studying. She pushed back her chair and leaned forward, resting her head in her hands on the table with the book in front of her. The tome was of basic spells that could be used by any mage, and gave instruction on how much mana to use for each spell. Using more than necessary could result in lack of control, or worse a backfire on the caster. Too little of course wasted unnecessary energy and wouldn't be very effective. After a while the words all seemed to run together and Solona fell asleep.

A not-so-subtle cough brought her out of her dream, and Solona opened her eyes just in time to catch the templar uniform walk beyond the table to the wall behind her. Shift change? That would mean she slept for over an hour at least, and she sat up and stretched her arms over her head. She smiled to herself a few seconds later; the only templar that would even care to keep her out of trouble – it had to be Cullen that had woken her.

She got up, took the book with her, and returned it to the shelves on the opposite side of the library. While doing so she noticed that everyone had cleared out; probably off to dinner she figured. That meant fewer templars as well; one on this side and one back where she was seated. She picked up another book, not really caring what this one was about, and returned to her place in front of Cullen. She had no doubts it was him now after seeing his height and posture. The small nod of his helm didn't help hide his identity either; no templar ever offered even the slightest of greetings to her. She smiled in return before settling back down in her chair.

"I suppose you aren't allowed to speak to me are you," Solona said in a whisper so that the other templar didn't hear.

As she suspected there was no answer from the man behind her. "No, I didn't think so. I wonder if there is a way I can make you talk," she said quietly, tapping her chin with her finger. Solona quickly scanned their corner of the library again. "Doesn't seem like anyone's watching. Perhaps if I did a spell…"

Before she could even pretend to conjure anything, strong arms came over her shoulder and his gloved hands reached for hers. "Was your release not just this morning?" he whispered in her ear. "For both our sakes _behave_ yourself."

He stepped back into his position quickly in case the other templar came to investigate the sudden sound of moving armor in the quiet library. Cullen and Solona both held their breaths but could only hear a snore from the opposite end of the room. He couldn't see her mischievous grin but he knew it was there, and he released a sigh when he believed it was safe to do so.

Solona tried to ignore the warm feeling in the pit of her stomach. Even though it was only a second, the feel of his arms around her caused a reaction she did not quite expect. His scent still lingered in the immediate area, and she closed her eyes as she inhaled deeply _. Oh Solona you're in big trouble_ , she thought to herself. _Do not fall for this man, this templar…_

She startled Cullen when she got up quickly from her seat, closing the book harshly with a loud _thump_. The noise woke the sleeping templar whose snoring ceased, and Solona didn't bother to acknowledge him when she put her book away. The only way out of the library at this time was towards the apprentice quarters, which meant passing by Cullen. Solona formed the most neutral expression she could before willing her legs to move in his direction.

"Goodnight," he whispered to her when she walked by.

She took a few more steps into the hallway and away from him before she stopped, leaning her back against the wall. Solona knew her face was flushed, battled the butterflies in her stomach, and spent several seconds trying to calm herself before her roommates undoubtedly would question her. She almost found her composure until she saw Cullen standing under the arched entrance of the library. He had removed his helm and was staring at her.

Defiantly, though immaturely, Solona could do little but stick her tongue out at the templar. Her reward was the spark in his eye as he smiled and shook his head at her before shutting the door between them. She slid down the wall and buried her head in her hands as she muffled her own laughter in the corridor. Surely she looked mad to anyone who may have seen her, sitting in the hallway laughing to herself, but then again those that knew her would come to expect it.

"Solona, what are you doing?" her friend exclaimed from down the hall. Red hair cascaded down her shoulders and the woman in red and gold robes moved towards her. "Are you alright?" she asked, extending her hand.

Solona nodded as she accepted the help off the floor. "More than alright Petra," she replied with a wide grin. "Come on," she coaxed while still holding Petra's hand. "I have so much to tell you!"


	7. Chapter 7

Solona was surprised to hear his footsteps in the hall returning so soon, but it was the echo of an uneven stride behind his that had her nervous. She wasn't certain if she should hide, if he had an unexpected visitor find him in the hall, or if he intentionally had retrieved someone. Caution seemed the wisest choice, and she hid in the same spot she had earlier behind the kitchen door.

Cullen unlocked the door and entered, knowing immediately where she was when he didn't see her in the main room. A smile formed on his lips as he moved towards the kitchen and stopped in the entranceway, her eye visible behind the corner of the door. "Come," he demanded of her.

She moved from her position and peered into the main room, seeing no one. "I thought you had someone with you," she mentioned as she followed him.

"I do," he stated. "I have said little to him however. Only that I needed his assistance. We can trust that he'll keep your presence here quiet."

Solona seemed apprehensive to allow anyone else to know she was in town. "I suppose it's too late to, you know, have a discussion about it...get my opinion on the matter..."

"You can not stay here," Cullen said, stating the obvious. "There is no choice in this, no discussion. But trust that I have your best interests at heart and would not put you in further danger."

She knew this, knew everything he had said was honest and true. Reluctantly she nodded silently and watched as Cullen briefly stepped into the hall and then returned, a younger man in step behind him. Solona didn't notice the color of his hair or his eyes. In fact she didn't even see his face at all. Instead her eyes remained fixated on the templar insignia on his uniform. Cullen had put his trust in a templar?

"Carver Hawke," Cullen introduced the two. "This is Solona Amell."

They stood frozen for a moment, looking at each other as if they had known each other but knew they didn't. Carver glanced at Cullen, questioning eyes wondering if his superior was certain. Cullen nodded to the unasked inquiry, knowing exactly what Carver was thinking. "You," Carver broke the silence, tripping over his own tongue as he continued. "You are her, she, the Hero?"

"In the flesh," she chuckled before formally extending her hand. "Solona will do though."

Carver nervously rubbed his hand on his side before shaking hers. "We're related you know, cousins of sorts," he informed her, stating the connection proudly. "My mother was an Amell; Leandra, daughter of Lord Aristide Amell."

"I'm afraid I don't know the family history very well," Solona stated as she gestured for Carver to follow her to the couch. As they did so, Cullen settled himself in the chair closest to them, remaining quiet as they began to seem comfortable with each other. "My mother was Revka, I think Aristide was her uncle, though I'm not entirely sure."

"I never got into the family history much either," Carver admitted. "I'm sure there are records back at the estate though if you're interested."

She smiled warmly. "I'd like that."

"Speaking of the estate," Cullen interrupted, "Solona needs somewhere to stay while she's in town. I was hoping..."

"Of course," Carver offered immediately. "It would be an honor to have you stay there," he said to her.

Solona looked nervously at Cullen before speaking to Carver. "Before you agree Carver, there are a few things you should know. The most important being that I am not entirely safe to be around right now. There are some...people looking for me, and should you offer me your home there would be risk."

Carver laughed. "Any more risk than being the brother of Marian Hawke? Comes with the territory in our family it seems." He smiled awkwardly, as if he wasn't used to doing so. "As I'm sure my mother would say, our home is yours for as long as you need. In fact, I can't wait to take you there...I know two people who would very much like to see you!"

Solona wasn't certain she liked the sound of that; the fewer people that knew she was in town the better. But since Cullen offered no protest, she trusted his judgment and agreed to follow as soon as they made sure the halls were safe.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

"Well I'll be," Bodahn said in disbelief as they entered through the vault entrance. "My eyes must be deceiving me!"

"Bodahn?" Solona couldn't believe the old dwarf was standing in front of her. She bent down to hug him as Carver laughed at the shock in the man's eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Such timing!" he exclaimed. "We almost weren't. Me and the boy are set to leave for Orlais in two weeks!"

Solona turned to Sandal who was staring at her with those wondrous eyes of his. Cullen watched as she knelt down on one knee to the shorter dwarf. His hand came up to her face and he caressed her cheek. "Pretty lady," he whispered in awe and fascination.

Cullen was surprised to see tears in Solona's eyes as she looked upon the dwarf. "Oh Sandal, I have missed you so much," she said with a soft smile. Wiping a tear, she looked up at Bodahn. "He's doing well?"

"Incredibly so messere," Bodahn said proudly. "The Orlessian Empress is very interested in his enchantments and has requested an audience!"

Solona turned back to Sandal. "That is exciting news, though I always knew you were special," she said to him as he continued to smile at her. To Cullen the interaction was almost that of a mother talking to her child, the loving and caring way she looked at the dwarf with pride and admiration.

Bodahn noticed Cullen watching the two. "They've always had a special bond," he explained proudly. "My boy missed her terribly when we separated."

"Pretty lady," Sandal repeated again, now looking at his shoes as if embarrassed.

"Then I am glad I didn't miss you both before you left," Solona said standing up again and brushing away another tear of nostalgia. She didn't move from Sandal's side, and kept a hand on his shoulder.

Bodahn agreed. "Amazing timing you have. Forgive me Master Hawke, is there anything you require?"

Cullen cleared his throat before speaking. "I must be getting back," he stated. "I will leave you to get settled in and come by tomorrow."

Solona tried not to let her disappointment show in her expression. She had hoped, foolishly perhaps, that he'd stay, but understood why he couldn't. "Are you both returning?" she asked of Carver.

"I don't stay in the barracks anymore," Carver stated. "I'll be in the room next to yours. Bodahn, if you can see to it that my sisters room is acceptable for Solona?"

"Right away Sir," the dwarf stated as he hurried off.

Solona moved towards Cullen but stopped abruptly when she saw his expression. He seemed colder, standoffish, and it took her a minute to realize why. Carver was still present, and had no idea of the history her and Cullen shared. He was still the Knight-Commander, and Carver was still a templar. Strictly professional, got it. "Thank you for your assistance," Solona said neutrally to him.

Cullen nodded, and then addressed Carver. "Again, I would appreciate your discretion in this manner," he told the younger templar. "Please also advise your staff that no one is to know she is here."

"Of course," Carver replied. "I'll see you out."

Solona watched as they retreated down the hall back towards the vault where the secret entrance was from Darktown. Very convenient from the underground tunnel to the Gallows, it would now be the only way Cullen would be able to visit her. Although her heart ached to be apart from Cullen so soon after reuniting, she knew he had to keep up appearances for now.

When Carver returned, he joined Solona in the library. "I've heard a little about your sister in my travels," she told him. "I don't mean to pry, and please tell me if I'm inquiring on a touchy subject...but I need to know the truth about what happened with Anders."

"That's right, you knew him didn't you," Carver stated, recalling a conversation once where Anders boasted knowing the Hero of Ferelden. "We'll need a drink, or maybe three for that one," he said reaching for the bottle Bodahn had already left out for them. When, he wasn't sure, but Bodahn always had a knack for knowing ahead of time what they would need and when.

She settled into one of the chairs surrounding a large table, and they talked long into the night about the Champion of Kirkwall, and how she was forced to flee the city when her lover destroyed the Chantry.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

_"Isn't this what you've always wanted?" she whispered to him as the back of her hand moved from her throat to her exposed breast._

_"Y-yes," he cried breathlessly, "though not like this!"_

_She moved towards him, slowly, seductively. He kept his chin tucked into his chest and so she kneeled before him, gray eyes staring longingly up at him under full lashes. She placed her hands on his calves under his robe and gently dragged her nails upwards towards his thighs. "Please," she said in that voice he could barely resist. "Please stop punishing me...us. Haven't we suffered enough at their hands?"_

_Higher she climbed up his leg to his hips before trailing back down and moving inwardly. Seconds before reaching her intended goal, he pulled away and pressed his back against the wall. "Enough!" he said placing his hands over his ears. "You are not real...NOT REAL!"_

_She giggled, though it was not the sweet sound he was used to coming from that perfect mouth. The laughter echoed within his mind, beyond the barrier he tried to create. Her ivory skin turned a dull purple as horns began protruding from just above her eyelids. "Your will is strong," the demon said caressing his chin with a finger. "I see I'll have to work harder..."_

_"NO!" he screamed, though no one could hear him. He shut his eyes tightly and turned his head away from the foul demon's breath._

_Her hand immediately fell to his crotch to find his excitement there. "You may vocalize protest, but your body says otherwise templar," she hissed. Contorting back into the shape of his true desire, the demon pressed her body into his and whispered in his ear. "Take me."_

Cullen bolted upright in his bed, kicking the damp sheets off with his legs. He held his face in his hands for a few moments before allowing his eyes to open. The sky outside his window was a soft soothing pink, the sun barely coming into view. He lay back down, catching his breath, and caught the slightest scent of her. Taking comfort in that, in the reality that she existed and was within reach, he closed his eyes to calm the betrayal of his body's aching need.

Years he had gone without a nightmare to remind him of Uldred's prison, and to have them return now left him unsettled. He didn't want to blame her necessarily, but the coincidence of her return and the dream could not go unnoticed. While Solona reminded him of a time he felt needed, wanted and desired, she also was the symbol of his torment for what seemed like months. They had never discussed it; there was little time when she had freed him, or when they spoke briefly in Denerim before and after the battle.

If anything, the dream was a reminder that they had endured a lot since they parted, and had yet to discuss any of it. Did it matter though? The feel of her soft lips still lingered in his mind, more so than anything that demon could've done to him in his nightmares. Laying where she had the previous night, he stared up at the ceiling and wondered if she was thinking of him as he was of her.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Her night wasn't any easier than his. Carver had told Solona the highlights of what had happened in Kirkwall since he and his sister had come to the city. Her fortune from the Deep Roads, the battle with the Qunari, and then the epic event that divided Kirkwall and sent Marian Hawke fleeing from what was her home.

More disturbing was what Carver had to say about Anders. Solona fought back several tears throughout as Carver described a man that she couldn't fathom was the same mage she had known briefly at Kinloch Hold and then recruited in Amaranthine. She had hoped the rumors of him being the one to destroy the Chantry were just that, rumors, but Carvers confirmation felt like a blade to the heart. While they were never romantically involved (though he tried relentlessly during their time together), she had always considered Anders a friend and a brother. She didn't even blame him when he left the Wardens; he had the courage to do what she could not.

To hear now that he was on the run saddened her. It seemed he was always running: from the Circle, the Wardens, and now Templars...Carver even mentioned a prince of Starkhaven that had sworn to seek revenge on him for his actions. So far that prince was still in Kirkwall, but Carver said it was just a matter of time before he went after Anders as well.

It didn't matter that Marian sided with the templars in the final battle. Her choice to allow Anders to run, to live, condemned her. Carver admitted that the two had met up outside the city after the final battle and were now in hiding together, but would not offer her location. Solona considered telling Carver her story and the truth in her hiding, but she held back for now. Perhaps in the near future she would tell him, and then maybe he would share with her the location of Marian and Anders. If they were still planning on fighting for freedom of mages, well, Solona had some ammunition against the Chantry they could use.

When exhaustion took hold of them both, Carver and Solona had retired earlier that morning. She too was plagued by dreams, only hers weren't of demons. It was almost a reenactment of what Carver had described were one of the pivotal moments of the battle in Kirkwall, except with different players. Instead of Anders, she was the one who had destroyed the Chantry, and Cullen took the place of Marian Hawke, standing behind her and deciding her fate.

He blamed her for ruining his life; breaking his will and faith in the Chantry and the Order. Questioning her why she had returned only to destroy him and everything he held sacred. Her dream self tried to reply, beg for forgiveness and tell him how she truly felt about him, but no words escaped her lips. Instead all she could feel was the blade being forced into her back, and the blood trickling down her spine.


	8. Chapter 8

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* * *

Solona opened her eyes, the midday sun streaming through the window causing her to blink several times. After talking to Carver so late into the morning, she had slept more than half the day away. Groaning at her lack of stamina, she wormed her way out of bed and stumbled to the wash basin to throw some water on her face. The looking glass on the wall revealed a tired, troubled face to her, and she smiled to try and make the negative reflection disappear. Several silly faces later she sighed, succumbing to the fact that her scar would now always make her look more moodier than she actually was. It was something she lived with for years, but never seemed to be used to.

She recalled their reunion in his office, how his finger gently traced the length of the damaged skin that crossed from above her eye down her cheek. Cullen was present when it happened, one final gift from the Archdemon before she had plunged a sword through its skull. There were no mages left alive on top of Fort Drakon to heal her, and she herself had been knocked unconscious. Solona wasn't aware until weeks later, after she had fought with him and pushed him away, that he was the one who had carried her from the rooftop to the city, fending off scattering darkspawn with her motionless body over his shoulder. In the chaos it took an entire day to get a healer to her, a day he had spent by her side, but by then the scarring was inevitable.

Solona hated herself for insisting he return to Kinloch Hold, refusing to see him in the condition she was in. Her wounds were nearly extensions of how she was feeling on the inside during that time; ugly, battered and broken, beat down and useless. She struggled with living while some of her friends were gone, the list of confirmed deaths during the battle increasing with every body discovered. Following the cleanup of Denerim, she'd had to sit through Alistair's coronation, listen to her companions all tell her they were moving on, and then begin her life again in Amaranthine. Alone.

Many nights she stayed awake, long after the Keep had gone to sleep, and began a letter of apology to him. Begged him for forgiveness. Pleaded with him to understand why she had pushed him away. She felt even more tainted than she already was, and hated the fact that he had seen her like that. Some days she'd considered herself too vain, which was odd because she never prided herself on her looks before. "Makes you seem more fierce," Anders had said. "Gives you that intimidating edge." Solona never felt it though. She considered it a nasty reminder of those last days with him and the heated words that were spoken between them. Needless to say, those letters were never sent.

Instead of allowing these thoughts to consume her like they used to, Solona decided to focus on two very recent incidents where Cullen had kissed her. One she tried not to read too much into, but the other was full of a passion she couldn't deny. The one that had sent chills through her body and warmed her heart and soul, among other places. So she figured that maybe, just maybe, time had healed both of their wounds. Or at the very least, showed them that there was no point in ripping them open again.

Borrowing a robe from her cousins abandoned clothing, Solona made her way down the stairs where Bodahn and Sandal both greeted her with large smiles. "Ah, the Hero has awoken!" Bodahn boomed, proud to announce such a thing.

Solona shied away from the old title, waving him off with a grin. "No more of that Bodahn," she pleaded. "Nothing special at the moment."

"Always such to us if you don't mind me saying," he replied. "Some baked goods in the kitchen I can heat up for you?"

Solona gestured for him to sit on the couch with her. "I can fix myself something, thank you. But there is something I wonder if you can do for me."

"It would be an honor to do so," Bodahn replied. "Anything you need!"

"Be careful before you promise such things," Solona warned him warmly. "My requests if you recall can be rather rare."

Bodahn nodded. "I remember. You tell me what you need and I'll tell you what I can do."

Solona quickly ran through the checklist in her head. "Okay, first the usual. Flasks, lyrium dusts, the necessary agents for lyrium potions. I'll also need as much brimstone mushroom and Orlesian skullcap as you can get your hands on, discreetly of course."

Bodahn did his very best not to reveal he was now in over his head. Given the recent mage templar war the ingredients for lyrium potions were difficult enough, but the last two she asked for were as rare as a disease free Antivan whore. Only a brief hesitation before he assured her. "I will set out immediately."

Solona smiled brightly. How she had missed the dwarf's endless optimism. She watched as he excitedly exited the estate, Sandal beside him as always. In a strange place facing the unknown, it was nice to have the small piece of comfort she felt with those two around.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Cullen opened the door to Meredith's office, almost expecting to find her seated behind the long wooden desk. He stirred up dust on the stone-tiled floor when he entered, his heavy footsteps echoing in the room before he reached the yellow trimmed red carpet. On the east wall two large bookcases stood nearly floor to ceiling, lined with books he had never witnessed her reading. Between them a small wooden table with a large vase and a long dead plant.

Along the west wall were two large cabinets, five drawers each; the information Meredith collected on her templars and resident mages he assumed. It was there he would begin first, committing to the daunting task of clearing out her office. He had hoped to clear his head of the nightmare that still lingered in the back of his mind, and prepare for the Seekers arrival. No doubt they'd wish to go through the former knight-commander's files; the less they found the better in his opinion.

He took the time to clear her desk of rolled parchments and opened books, the last items she perused before her demise. Then as Cullen returned to the cabinets he paused, noticing her sword and shield left discarded on a small table between the two cabinets. He couldn't recall the exact time that she had changed from the traditional templar weapons to the lyrium branded sword she wielded in those final days. Guilt crept up inside; if he had noticed the change, would he have connected it with her behavior? Useless wondering Solona would say of things that had happened but can not be changed.

Cullen withdrew the first of many leather-bound files and stacked them on Meredith's desk. The first few were of templars under his command; parchments of personal information, duty performance, rank recommendations and dates, typical documentation he expected to find in most of these folders. The first seven he breezed through, removing nothing, and set them aside to return them. It was the next, much thicker portfolio, that caused his heart to skip a beat and his breathing to slightly increase. Upon opening it, he recognized it as his own.

_"Cullen, please, sit down," Meredith called as the knight-captain entered her office._

_Cullen shut the door behind him softly and then settled into the chair facing her desk. "You called for me Knight-Commander?"_

_"I have been going through your file," she said tapping at the dossier on her desk. "Kinloch was slow in its delivery, but it finally arrived this morning."_

_Cullen shifted uncomfortably in his chair, barely able to stand the gaze of her piercing blue eyes. "I see," he responded quietly._

_She stood, circling her desk and then leaned against it, arms crossed. "I was already well aware of the special circumstance of your transfer," Meredith began. "I approved it after all. Do you know why I did that?"_

_He didn't know in fact, as they had never discussed it when he arrived. All she had said back then was that this was an opportunity for him to start over. "If I am to speak freely Knight-Commander, I would say it was to provide me the chance to prove myself again."_

_Meredith sighed. "Quite the opposite in fact," she informed him. "I saw no need for you to have to prove yourself. You have seen first hand what a serious threat corrupted mages can be, as have I. I had hoped we'd work together quite well."_

_Cullen could hear the slight disappointment in her tone. "Has my performance been unsatisfactory?"_

_Her expression softened. "No, not at all. In fact its been quite exemplary. But given recent events, I thought it best we finally discuss exactly what happened in the Circle of Ferelden."_

_Cullen now avoided her gaze, uncertain as to what particular instance she was referring to. He was well aware of the many things that were probably in his file from Kinloch Hold. His performance reports for one always noted that though he seemed disciplined in his position, he leaned towards lesser punishments of mages than others. A few incidents with Solona he was sure made their way into that file. The one he dreaded the most, and what she was most likely referring to though, was Uldred._

_Meredith studied him for a moment before moving to sit behind her desk again. She flipped through several parchments as she spoke, giving a summary of what she was reading. "As most new recruits in their first position, you seemed quite dedicated to being a templar. Reporting on suspicious behavior, keeping an eye out for blood magic or any sign of trouble. And then something changed," she glanced up at him. "A mage was reported having an unhealthy attachment to you."_

_Cullen nodded, acknowledging the incident. "Yes. Knight-Commander Greagoir and the First Enchanter felt it best I discipline her to discourage her."_

_"Which did not work from what I can see here," Meredith pointed out. "A non-issue though, seeing as how that mage left the Circle a few months later." She returned to the file in front of her, sifting through more pages as Cullen patiently waited for her next question. "But your behavior had changed. Greagoir notes a leniency in your vigilance, almost hinting towards sympathy. It wasn't until after Uldred that you returned sharper and more focused."_

_Just the name alone caused Cullen to react, the fear of Uldred's cage and torment of the demons never far from his mind. "Forgive me Knight-Commander, but that is an incident I wish not to revisit."_

_Meredith knew this of course, only bringing it up as a reminder of what can happen when one lets their guard down. "I would not ask you to. What I will ask is that you remember that time, and remember just how dangerous mages can be." She stood again, now looking out the window behind her desk. "Allowing one of them to hold the title of Champion may have been a grave error on my part," she uttered the words with regret. "I know she has been of assistance in the past, but be careful Cullen. As that mage in Kinloch was, Hawke is no more than a distraction to make us forget our duty, or go easier on them."_

_"Hawke has shown no signs of corruption," Cullen began, defending the Champion._

_"Neither did my sister," Meredith stated as she turned to look at him, a sudden vulnerability in her eyes. "And yet my entire family, and seventy innocents lost their lives to her." After closing her eyes for a brief moment her demeanor had returned to that of the stoic Knight-Commander. "We shall protect the innocent so that they need not fear harm by those who we've named Maleficar," she said, repeating part of the templar vow. "We must never forget."_

It wasn't until he started going through his file that he realized exactly how much Meredith had known. Psychological evaluations, documented night terrors, and handwritten notes by Greagoir describing Cullen's paranoid behavior after the imprisonment. Several requests to other circles for his transfer, and several attached denials from their Knight-Commanders.

At the end of all that, the final pages he came to, were the confiscated drawings of Cullen that Solona had done. He had never seen some of these before, only having the one that was handed to him which was long lost now. Yet here in front of him were the others; of him, her mother, the outdoors, the tower, there had to be at least a dozen or more. Greagoir had kept them all. Meredith had saved them all? Why, he wondered, as he stared at the image of his younger self. This was how Solona had seen him so many years ago, and now he was curious if she still felt the same.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

"Well if it isn't Junior," Varric greeted Carver as he entered the dwarf's suite at the Hanged Man.

"Still so sexy in that templar outfit," Isabela purred as she leaned across the table to display her full bosom and cleavage.

Carver shut the door and joined them, accepting the drink Varric slid in his direction. "I'm surprised to see you're still here," he said to Isabela. "Weren't you leaving?"

"I was," the pirate said settling back down. "And then I got bored with that plan."

Carver and Varric both laughed. "I would think Kirkwall is the last place you'd be to help with that."

"Oh I don't know," she said batting her eyes at him. "There's eye candy everywhere; won't find that trapped on a ship."

"Rivaini, somehow I'm sure you'd manage," Varric stated. He eyed the younger Hawke with curiosity. "Not every day you visit us lower folk here in Lowtown. Hunting fugitive apostates again?"

"Something like that," Carver's expression became serious. "In fact I'm glad you're both here. There's a situation that I may need your help with."

Varric sat up straight, excitement immediately reflected in his expression. "I have been waiting a long time to hear those words from a Hawke. What's going on Junior?"

After a lengthy discussion with Cullen this morning, they had decided to bring Varric and Aveline in on the current situation. They would need to know when the Seekers were close to entering Kirkwall, and both Aveline and Varric had the resources to give them as much notice as possible. Isabela being in town could only help them further, so Carver brought her in on it as well.

"What are you leaving out of this story little Hawke," Varric questioned. "The Divine already sent her spy to Kirkwall before Meredith went nugshit crazy. An Exalted March now would be useless."

"The Seekers aren't coming under the orders of the Divine," Carver told them. "They are searching for the Hero of Ferelden."

Isabela laughed. "Solona Amell is probably sunbathing on a beach in Antiva. At least I know I'd be, if I were her. Why would they look for her in Kirkwall?"

Carver picked at the wood in the table, avoiding both of their inquisitive stares. "Maybe because she's staying at the estate?" he shrugged before looking up at them.

Varric shook his head. "No way. There's no way the Hero of Ferelden made it into the city without my knowing it."

"Keep your voices down," Carver warned. "No one can know she's here, and she isn't remaining here. The plan is to distract the Seekers and get her out of the city before they can find her."

"What do they want with her?" Isabela asked.

Carver had no answer for them. "I'm not entirely certain myself. I only know they mustn't find her, and we'll need your help to make sure they don't."

"Sneaking by the Seekers with the help of templars," Isabela stated shaking her head. "I knew from the moment I met her she was trouble. That's why I tried so hard to get her below deck."

Carver groaned, resting his face in his hands. "Must you?" he muttered. "She is my cousin."

Varric scoffed. "Oh don't worry Junior, I'm sure Rivaini will only try a few more times before she gives up."

"Oh Varric," she laughed. "You know me so well."

Carver was beginning to wonder if including Isabela was a mistake. He'd know soon enough when he informed Cullen that the two were standing by ready to assist. The next, and more important part of the plan, was getting word to his sister and Anders.


	9. Chapter 9

Disappearing into the crowd was easy, and something Solona had become expert at. She'd borrowed simple clothing from her cousin and with her head covered in her cloak, she made her way through the mass of merchants and nobles to the large staircase behind the Chantry board.

It was curious the board was still intact; odd job postings were hidden behind massive notes of grief and prayers for all those who had perished in the tragedy. Kind words about the former Grand Cleric, as well as the brothers and sisters and a few family members that were in the Chantry when it was destroyed. Flowers, some withered and some freshly bloomed, formed a massive bed of color at her feet, offerings to those that were no longer of this world. A few small candles flickered in the afternoon's soft wind, some clearly lit hours ago as the wax pooled beneath them.

A quick glance behind her and Solona ascended the stairs to the now vacant area where the grand cathedral had once stood. Red braided and knotted ropes cordoned off the platform. Progress in cleanup was evident by the lack of debris, yet it was impossible not to notice the massive crater with its jagged edges that revealed the abandoned remains of Darktown. Though not normally the religious type considering all she had seen and heard in her lifetime, Solona found herself bending down on one knee, closing her eyes, and praying to the Maker that He protect all the souls who were lost that day.

The soft sound of a pebble skittering across the stoned area warned her that she was no longer alone. Solona leapt to her feet and spun around, hand on the dagger she carried for just such an event.

"I did not mean to startle you," a heavily accented voice stated, yet the man kept a safe distance between them. The leathers he wore were of fine make, and a large longbow rested securely on his back. "Normally this area is empty," the man continued as he walked a wide arc around her.

"If they do not wish visitors then they should block the stairs," Solona stated, following him with her eyes as he moved.

A quiet chuckle escaped his lips. "Indeed they should," he agreed. His movements finally stopped closest to the roped barrier. "I still can not believe such a thing possible. To destroy the Chantry," he whispered sadly, though with a hint of anger. "Madness that I still come here to pray even without it."

While he wasn't looking, lost in what appeared to be grief, Solona inched her way toward the stairs. It wasn't until he turned his head, deep blue eyes fixated on her, that she stopped to speak again. "A tragedy indeed," she echoed his thoughts. "I will leave you to your prayer."

She dared to turn her back on him and hurried for the staircase. "Wait!" the man called to her, closing the distance between them. Solona did just that, waited, to see what he wanted. "You were here first, it would be rude of me to run you off."

Solona offered him a warm smile, though her instincts were warning her not to trust him. "It's fine, I should be leaving anyway. It was nice to meet you..."

"Sebastian Vael," he offered while extending a hand to her. "And you are?"

"Extremely late," she said suddenly, turning away from him and ignoring his gesture. "Nice meeting you!" she called as she quickly descended the stairs. Maneuvering herself within the crowd, Solona dared to look back but could not see the man anywhere. Relief flooded her insides as she backtracked her way to the Amell estate. It would do her no good to converse with the one Carver had described as intent on murdering Anders.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Cullen thought to surprise Solona with a midday visit. He knew how she hated being locked up in any one place, and believed stopping by on his way to see Aveline would be a nice gesture. Her sketches were under his arm, neatly rolled up and tied with string; a peace offering for refusing her permission to remain with him in the Gallows. While they still had so much to sort out, he also knew she wasn't happy with being sent to a stranger's home, regardless if that stranger were trusted or a distant relative.

The silence in the estate was nearly deafening when he opened the door of the vault entrance. Not entirely familiar with the layout of the home, Cullen systematically went from room to room cautiously. The kitchen appeared to have been used but the food on the counter was now cold. The living room was empty; odd that neither dwarf were present. Library, study, and the bedrooms upstairs were all quiet. A knot began to form in the pit of his stomach. _Maker, where is she?_

A sound from the foyer alerted him that someone was entering the front door. Cullen positioned himself against the wall near the living room archway and waited for the visitor to enter. Once the cloaked figure crossed the threshold, Cullen grabbed the intruder and pinned them against the wall.

"Hello to you too," Solona said with a grin as he pressed heavily against her.

Anger and relief flooded through him equally; the intensity of his gaze increased as the emotions warred upon his face. Her own eyes widened under the firm grasp of his hands around her arms. "Where were you?" Cullen demanded.

The smile faded from her lips when she noticed how upset he was with her. "I only stepped out for a moment," Solona told him, her voice apologetic. Staring up into his eyes, being so near to him even if he was upset with her, Solona couldn't help the desire that warmed her heart.

His temper calmed slightly as she looked up at him, her stormy eyes always finding a way to sooth him. "Andraste be my witness," Cullen began, "I will tie you to the bed if you insist on this defiance." He hadn't said it in anger, but instead with a reserved acceptance that she hadn't changed much in the time they were apart. She remained completely independent, dangerously stubborn, and never took orders well.

Several responses flooded her mind, and Solona wasn't sure which one would be appropriate. How angry was he? How daring was she? He was close enough that she could feel his breath on her face, and any witty retort seemed to escape her. Her eyes drifted from his unblinking gaze down to his lips, and the memory of his passionate kiss yesterday prevented all further rational thought. How easy it would be to lift her heels off the ground and press her mouth to his...

The door swung open as Bodahn and Sandal entered the estate, and Cullen immediately released her, taking two steps back. Solona nearly slumped against the wall in disappointment, but a split second later managed a warm grin as the dwarves entered the living room carrying several satchels.

"Here, let me help you," Cullen offered as Bodahn seemed a bit overwhelmed with the bags.

"That's mighty kind of you," the older dwarf said as he relinquished two of the burdens. "Where would you like these?" he asked Solona.

Solona thought for a moment. "The kitchen would probably be best," she answered as she helped Sandal by taking several boxes of vials from him.

"What is all this?" Cullen questioned as they made their way to the kitchen and began setting everything on the large table.

"Just some supplies we need," Solona stated vaguely. She waited until the dwarves exited the room before continuing. "For you," she added when they were alone.

Cullen opened a few of the bags and studied their contents. He was familiar with some of the ingredients but not all, and he wasn't entirely sure what her intentions were. "How so?"

Solona closed the door to the kitchen and then began unpacking the satchels. "Perhaps it may have been presumptuous of me, but I had assumed you wished to stop taking the Chantry's lyrium as soon as possible?"

"Well yes, but..."

"But nothing," Solona said a bit harshly. "There is no reason we can't start the process now." She stopped what she was doing to look at him. "The sooner they lose their control over you, the better." Her gaze softened then. "That is, if you trust me to do this for you."

"With my life?" he rephrased, closing the distance between them. "There is no one I trust more," was his reply, before placing a soft kiss on her cheek. She closed her eyes, anticipating more, but opened them when she felt him pull away. "This reminds me, I have something for you as well."

Cullen returned to the living room to retrieve the drawings from the bench where he'd left them. Solona followed, curiosity getting the better of her as usual. He had turned to walk back to the kitchen and nearly ran into her as she was right on his heels. "Sorry," she shrugged with a sheepish grin.

He couldn't help but laugh. "You still have no patience," he commented as he handed the rolled up parchments to her.

"Hmph," Solona protested. "You're the one with no patience. I don't recall hearing you tell me to wait."

"You're right of course," Cullen conceded, though sarcastically. "My apologies."

Her grin turned to a smirk as she settled onto the couch and untied the ribbon securing the aged pages. Once unrolled, the glisten in her eyes was immediate as she stared down at the portrait she had drawn of her mother. "Oh Cullen," she whispered softly as she sifted through the memories in her hands. Images of lost friends, the library and dungeon in the tower, and a much younger and more innocent templar than the one sitting next to her. She went through them all, and at the last returned to her mother. She placed her hand upon the picture. It wasn't until Solona closed her eyes that the tears were forced from beneath her lids to escape down her cheek.

"Please don't cry." The tone of his voice was filled with his own sadness at seeing her upset. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize..."

She brought her hand to his face, stopping his apology with her thumb on his lips. "It's okay," she reassured him before pulling away to wipe her fallen tears. "Overwhelming memories is all." Solona managed a smile before turning back to the pictures.

"Did you ever try to find her?" Cullen asked as he also looked down at the sketch of her mother. "I mean after the Blight certainly you had the time to, yes?"

Solona shook her head. "Never saw the point really. Of course if I had done so I would've been in Kirkwall sooner, but she willingly gave me to the Circle. I can forgive her, and have, but I'm sure there's no place in her life for me now, as there's no room in mine for her."

"I suppose that's true," Cullen agreed. "You never stay in one place too long either."

"That isn't my fault," Solona said with a sideways glance. She could feel the teasing comment about to escape his lips so she spoke first. "Alright fine, maybe just a little."

His smile reached his eyes. "Maturity suits you, finally taking responsibility for your vagabond ways."

Her laughter warmed his heart. "I'm sure you can think of better ways to describe me other than vagabond," Solona replied teasingly.

"Beautiful comes to mind," Cullen answered without thought.

Solona felt her cheeks flush at his compliment. Looking over his shoulder and noticing that Bodahn and Sandal had left them to their privacy, she decided to do what she had wanted to do earlier. She placed the drawings on the table before turning to him. "I am going to kiss you now," she warned him first. "If you do not wish it, tell me and I'll stop before I begin."

His eyes focused on her mouth as she shifted and sat upon her knees. "Do not stop," he whispered before her soft lips touched his. She hesitated slightly, her initial bravado lost in the moment of connecting with him once again. He may have noticed as Cullen brought his hand to the side of her neck, tangling his fingers in her hair. The small gesture was all the encouragement she needed as she then traced his lips with her tongue.

He responded by opening up to her, an opportunity she seized on immediately. The warm, smooth flicks of his tongue synced with hers as they rediscovered each other yet again. Soft chaste kisses, followed by a much deeper exploring had them both breathless within minutes. So lost was she in the sensation and heat spreading through her body, Solona hadn't noticed his other hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer to him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him as their nibbling and kissing continued. Cullen silently cursed himself for having worn his chest armor, in this moment he wanted nothing more than to remove that barrier and feel her chest on his. One hand gripped her hair tightly as the other slipped under the back of her shirt, stroking the fevered flesh he found there. A soft moan, almost a whimper even, escaped her lips, and shot a sudden urgent need for her through his body.

Solona knew the moment that soft sound escaped her the reaction it had on him. His body tensed, though his movements didn't stop, and so she pulled away from him after a few final pecks and a nibble of his bottom lip. "Thank you for the pictures," she whispered.

"Of course," Cullen answered hoarsely, caressing her cheek once more before releasing his hold on her. He cleared his throat. "I am late for a meeting, but I will return this evening," he informed her. "Your word that you will remain here until then?"

Solona sat back on her heels and nodded. "I promise," she assured him as she watched him get up. "Will you stay for supper? I should have some potions ready for you by then as well."

"I look forward to it," he said, taking her hand and kissing it gently. "With any luck I will return with news. I am meeting with the city guard captain, and Carver is meeting with some locals. If all goes well, we'll know ahead of time before the Seekers arrive."

Solona stood as well and escorted him to the front door. "May you return with good news then," she said to him before he left, the ache in her heart immediate once he was no longer within sight.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Sebastian prepared to test his skills at stealth as he watched the mysterious woman turn, surveying the ruined remains of the Chantry. She turned away a moment later, and he moved from the shadows to follow her path. She remained oblivious to his presence all the while, slipping into the Hawke mansion without even a glance at her surroundings. Satisfied with the success of his new ability, Sebastian stayed blended in the shadows across from his former friends home.

His patience was rewarded when a short time later he spied Cullen exiting the Amell estate. In the shadows across the courtyard, Sebastian watched the new knight-commander as he walked up the stairs towards Viscount's Keep. Though he had seen no sign of Hawke or the mage he'd been looking for, Sebastian couldn't help but think that this new flood of traffic in and out of the Champion's home would eventually lead him to his prey.

 _Anders will pay for the murder of Elthina_ , Sebastian vowed to himself yet again. He silently asked the Maker for patience as he remained seated against the wall carving his arrows. Each flick of the blade across the wood did little to sooth his rage, knowing that the opportunity for vengeance was closer than yesterday. _Andraste forgive me_ , he prayed, jaw clenched tightly, _should the innocent who aid this apostate fall_.


	10. Chapter 10

The plan was a nice, quiet, intimate dinner with Cullen. Solona had used some of Hawke's perfume for her bathwater, had soaked for a solid hour until her fingers wrinkled, and then spent another hour getting ready. She hadn't brought much in the way of fancy or even casual clothing, so Solona had Bodahn run to the tailor and find anything in her size that would do. He returned with a dress of lavender color with silver laced trim along the bottom. While it wasn't up to nobility standards, it was nicer than anything Cullen had seen her in. The only problem was he hadn't arrived yet.

Carver came home. Solona hadn't planned on him being there, though she couldn't recall why she had expected him not to; it was his estate after all. He was more than overjoyed at the delicious aroma permeating the estate from the kitchen, and Solona had Bodahn place another setting at the table for him. It would be another half hour before the meal was ready, so she and Carver nibbled on cheese and drank wine. It was then Carver informed her that there would be two more guests for dinner.

Varric and Isabela arrived through the vault entrance. Carver thought it best they weren't seen entering the estate; nobles were always in his business lately he said. Carver introduced the two of them to Solona. Varric had opened his mouth to say something, but Isabela interrupted him.

"Oh we need no introductions, do we sweet thing," Isabela purred to Solona.

Happy to see a familiar face, Solona embraced Isabela. "The years have been kind to you it seems," she said taking a step back to soak in Isabela's new look. "Less clothes, more hair, and dare I say your chest has doubled in size!"

Isabela tossed her head back with a hearty laugh while Varric smirked and Carver tried to look anywhere but at the pirate's breasts. "Amazing what a few years on the ocean can do for you," Isabela winked as she sat down, lifting her legs and resting them on the table. "You must tell us what you're doing in Kirkwall. It's the oddest coincidence you being here."

Solona sat next to the pirate. "Coincidence? What do you mean?"

"It seems almost your entire entourage has visited Kirkwall since I've been here," Isabela informed her. "Alistair, Zevran, Leliana...and now you."

"Don't forget Anders, Nathaniel, Flemeth, and Justice," Varric chimed in. "A pleasure to meet you by the way."

Solona nodded to the dwarf and then turned back to Isabela. "I had heard Anders was here from obvious rumors," she said. "But I am surprised to hear about everyone else. When was Leliana here?"

"Few months ago," Isabela answered. "Said something about the Divine asking her to investigate a rebellion."

A heavy sigh escaped Solona's lips as she looked at Carver. "If she's working for the Divine, she's probably assisting the Seekers."

"Is that a problem?" Carver asked.

"I don't know," she answered. "If I could talk to her I might be able to find out of she's still an ally, but if she's travelling with the Seekers I won't be able to get near her."

"I could do it," Isabela offered. "Carver says they are on their way here right? If so I'll just snoop around when they get here and see if she's with them. If she is, we'll talk."

Varric shook his head. "If you're going to stick your neck out Rivaini, maybe we should know a little more about what's going on first. No offense," he said to Solona. "It usually helps when we know what we're up against and exactly what you want from us."

"The Knight-Commander requested you be brought in on this," Carver replied to Varric. "We need as much notice as possible before the Seekers arrived and he suggested you in particular would have enough contacts to know pretty much anything."

"Hold on Junior, you're telling me that Cullen is involved in this too? Are you shitting me?" Varric couldn't believe what he was hearing. It sounded more mysterious than any fable he could come up with. He set his gaze on Solona. "Just what is it about you that has the Seekers and the Divine coming after you? And the Knight-Commander of Kirkwall protecting you?"

"Don't answer that," Cullen said from the doorway to the dining room. "The less you know the better."

Solona tried to remember there were others in the room when she caught a glimpse of him. In all the time she had known him she had never seen him without his templar uniform on. Dressed in gray trousers and black long-sleeved shirt with a high collar, pristine black boots and gray overcoat, Cullen was more stunning than she could've ever imagined. His hair was perfect as always, so much so that she had an overwhelming desire to run her fingers through it just to mess it up a little. It was clear he was purposefully avoiding her gaze since they had an audience, so Solona bit her lower lip and turned her attention back to the dwarf.

"I'm sorry," Solona apologized to Varric. "But Cullen's right. It would only put you in danger. You too Isabela," she said to her old friend. "I don't want you to do anything that would put you at risk."

"What we can tell you is this," Cullen began as he circled the table and sat opposite Solona and Isabela. "They are using her phylactery to track her. I know you have a way of getting your hands on things that don't belong to you," he said to Isabela. "Finding that would be very helpful."

Isabela removed her heels from the table and leaned forward with purpose. "My hands are very skilled with the forbidden," she flirted. "In fact I can barely keep them steady with you all…non-templary right now."

Solona almost choked on the wine she had sipped. The flush upon Cullen's cheeks only made him that much more desirable to her, but watching Isabela outright flirt with the man was stirring her jealousy.

Thankfully Varric interrupted. "Down Rivaini, play nice with the Knight-Commander."

"Oh I so would," Isabela said still staring at him.

Solona was never happier to see Bodahn as he entered the room carrying trays for dinner. She wasn't sure when he had the time to prepare more. Had he anticipated the intrusion? It was a welcome distraction and seemed to cool Isabela down as they ate.

Conversation was light as they ate, Solona catching brief smiles from Cullen across the table. Isabela had moved on to flirting with Carver and Varric remained oddly quiet for the dwarf, watching interactions and listening for the words that weren't being spoken. It wasn't until Solona began asking about Flemeth, Zevran, and the others that Varric perked up and went into storytelling mode, some tales even causing Cullen to raise a brow. It seemed as though over the years Marian Hawke had quite the adventures.

The rogues departed shortly after dessert, promising to begin reconnaissance on the Seekers to get an idea of how far out they were. Solona spent some time helping Bodahn clear the room of dishes while Cullen and Carver discussed escape strategy. She tried not to get annoyed with them, keeping her out of details she could probably assist with. She was still the same mage that killed the archdemon; she knew a few things about travel and escapes. But if Cullen wanted to play the rescuer she wasn't going to interrupt; in fact she found it quite endearing. Annoying and chauvinistic, but endearing.

Carver had excused himself for the evening, leaving Cullen alone when Solona returned. "Could it be? I finally have you alone?" she teased, circling the table to sit next to him.

A shy smile touched his lips. "It appears that way doesn't it," Cullen stated, taking the time to really look at her. "You look beautiful tonight. Forgive me for not saying so earlier."

His words brought a flush to her cheeks. "You're forgiven. I had never imagined you in clothes before," she said before she realized how it sounded. With an embarrassed giggle she corrected, "I mean, you know, in regular clothing and not your templar uniform. I'll shut up now."

Cullen brought his hand under her chin, allowing his thumb to brush over her lips. "Is it wrong for me to admit I have thought of nothing but you all day?"

Solona pressed her face into his palm as he brought it to her cheek. "If I hadn't done the same, then maybe," she replied. "But we aren't alone Cullen. Carver, Bodahn and Sandal could walk in at any moment and I know you are trying to keep us from them."

Cullen wasn't sure why, but her words stung. Almost as if she felt he were ashamed of her, which couldn't be further from the truth. Slowly he withdrew his hand and turned away from her, upset with himself for having made her think this way. "I'm not trying to keep…" he trailed off, unsure how to explain.

It made him feel worse when she took his hands in hers and supported his actions. "I understand," Solona said to him. "You're the knight-commander and I'm currently a wanted apostate. Our circumstances haven't changed much since the Circle. You're a templar, I'm a mage; I get it."

Cullen interlaced his fingers with hers. He never knew it was possible for him to hate his way of life so much before. Being a templar was always so clear to him, full of such purpose, but whenever it came to Solona Amell, she shattered that world for him. She made him wish he were nothing more than a simple farmer, lucky enough to have found her under different circumstances.

"Come on," Solona said as she stood, refusing to let go of his hands.

He looked up at her. "Where are we going?"

"Clearly we need to talk, and if we stay here you'll just continue to worry," she stated. "Come upstairs. We'll lock the door and finally have this conversation we've been avoiding for over a decade."


	11. Chapter 11

__

* * *

_"What are you doing down here?" Cullen asked Solona when he entered the basement. He had been tasked to store an artifact that the templars had retrieved from their travels, and found Solona in one of the cells, though the door was open._

_Solona was on her knees, a wooden bucket beside her and a cloth in her hand. "Not everyone appreciates my art as much as you do," she teased, waving a hand across the cell floor. "During my recent stay here I drew this and now I've been told to clean it up."_

_Cullen entered the corner cell and felt a twinge of guilt as he remembered the look on her face when he'd locked in her in over a month ago. The gray stone had white markings across its entire length that depicted a scene from the outside world; a small house, trees, a lake and several different flowers he didn't recognize. "How did this come to be?"_

_Solona reached behind her to the corner of the cell where the stone floor had several chunks missing. "I used a few of these pieces like this," she showed him how dragging the loose stone across the floor made a white mark. "I couldn't help it, I was bored."_

_He held back a smile at her attempt at innocence. "I do believe your punishment was a means for you to think on your behavior, not continue it."_

_She scoffed at that idea and shrugged her shoulders as she stood. "I thought about it, realized it was wrong, and boredom finally won out." She dropped the cloth in the bucket of water, wiped her hands on her robe, and moved closer to him. "What are_ you _doing down here?"_

_Her close proximity suddenly made him nervous, and Cullen took a small uneasy step backwards. "I uh...had to put something in storage."_

_Solona took another small step toward him, raising an eyebrow as she studied his face. "Does this mean we're alone down here? Together?"_

_He swallowed, cleared his throat, and hoped the heat he felt burning his cheeks wasn't displayed outwardly for her to see. "Whatever you're thinking of trying..."_

_Cullen wasn't able to finish his sentence. With one swift move Solona instantly had her hands holding the back of his head and she pressed her mouth to his. The force of her quickness pushed him against the cell's bars, the clank of his armor hitting steel echoing through the corridor. Her tongue slid along his lips begging for his acceptance, and to her surprise he welcomed her._

_The taste of her warm mouth was nearly intoxicating, and Cullen found he could not resist her. Lost in the long tender strokes she offered him, he buried his hand within her thick white hair and pulled her closer to him. His gentle touch along her scalp pulled a moan from her lips and vibrated through the both of them. This only excited him more as he wrapped his other arm around her waist and completely closed the small distance between them. Something similar to a mouse's squeak came from her then as they melted together, lips locked and tongues exploring._

_Her mouth nearly burned from the increased intensity of his kiss, but Solona didn't have the strength to pull away. Her legs were weak and she feared if he wasn't holding her that she would've fallen from their lack of strength. She closed her eyes, allowing the warmth of his touch and mouth and closeness to envelop and protect her. She had little experience kissing a man - well, if she were honest, none in fact. Yet now, with this man, this templar, perfection seemed to bloom like a delicate spring flower._

_Cullen was feeling much the same as she was. Every sound that she made, every soft breath he felt on his face, brought him a peace and comfort he had never known before. It was as if she was offering him the world and he gladly accepted, never wishing to again feel the stark emptiness that was his life before this moment. She had complete control over him without even realizing it, for he could do nothing but surrender himself to her - to this. How could he have known he was only half a man without her?_

_The sound of the large door upstairs startled them both from their passionate connection. Solona immediately dropped to her knees and began erasing the marks on the floor, and Cullen retreated to the hall outside of the cell. Another templar nodded at Cullen as he entered the corridor and continued on to storage. Assuming Cullen was guarding the mage, the other templar said nothing._

_Once he retreated back to the main floor, Solona looked up at Cullen. "My apologies," he said to her. "That should not have happened. It can not happen again."_

_Solona sighed and sat back on her legs. "Is this where you give me the stern lecture about how templars and mages can never be together?"_

_"This should not be news to you," he stated. "You know it is so."_

_Solona stood once more but kept the distance between them. "I know that is a conversation full of silly arguments and one-sided opinions that I don't want to have today," she told him. "I also know that what just happened was a mutual experience that needed no apology." She kicked the bucket of water over and started pushing it along the floor with her feet. "Now go before your fellow templar become suspicious."_

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

_Anyone who looked very closely between the books of Dalish history and Elven translations would be able to see Cullen and Solona hiding between the large floor to ceiling cases within the library. Once a week when study and rotation caused them to be there at the same time, it was never long before they slipped away to their hiding place._

_The routine was nearly the same each week. Solona would start wandering near the shelves and Cullen would stand his ground refusing to follow her. It wasn't until he felt the tingling of her magic begin to surface that he'd race to her and prevent her from doing something foolish, only to find her lips on his. It was a trap he fell for every time, and lately more and more willingly._

_Neither one wanted to discuss what this latest meeting meant to both of them. It was the night before her Harrowing. Solona struggled with thoughts of not passing and that this could be their last time together. Cullen had yet to inform her that he'd been tasked to be the templar to end her life her should she fail. Both kept their fears from each other, instead pouring that nervousness into a heated, fiery passion between them. It was Cullen who had Solona pressed up against the cement wall, pressing into her and kissing her with such ferocity that her lips nearly stung._

_Solona did nothing to discourage him. She knew how this would end, just like all the other times. Cullen would remember his duty, guilt would overwhelm him, and he'd spend the next week crucifying himself for what he had done. She hated putting him through that, but she could no longer deny that she'd fallen for him. It was selfish of her to continue to taunt him like she did, but when he responded to her in this way she knew in her heart he'd fallen for her as well._

_This time when he pulled away and looked into her eyes, she knew something was wrong. Cullen looked upon her with sadness and despair, assuming she would fail before giving her a chance. "Forgive me," he whispered to her while trailing his fingers lightly down her face to her lips, feeling how swollen they'd become under his passionate kiss._

_Solona placed her hand on his chest, only figuratively as his armor was preventing her from actually doing so. "Forgive yourself," she said lifting her heels off the ground to reach up and kiss his cheek. "And look on the bright side; after tomorrow I'll have my own room."_

_His eyes widened as she grinned at him. "Are you suggesting…no, no Solona we can't do this anymore."_

_She sighed as she pulled away from him and leaned back against the wall. "You keep saying that, yet here we are."_

_Cullen's gaze drifted to the floor. "I am not strong enough to resist you," he whispered._

_"Stop trying." To her it was that easy. But she knew it wasn't the same for him. "Do you want to have that talk now? Will that help?"_

_He shook his head and met her eyes again. "Are you not concerned about tomorrow?"_

_"Of course I am," Solona admitted. "But if we continue to concern ourselves with the many tomorrows, we will never enjoy today."_

_Cullen could find no argument for that statement. Instead he pulled her closer to him and rested his head on hers, hoping it wasn't the last time he'd have the chance to do so._

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

_"You should not be here," Cullen scolded her._

_"Forgive me for wanting to make sure you were alright," Solona stated as she closed the door to his room. "And I didn't just sneak in here if that's what you're thinking. I have Greagoir's permission, though barely."_

_Cullen narrowed his eyes at her. "All the more reason. Solona please…"_

_She walked over to his bed where he lay on his back and sat beside him, her hip against his. "Don't shut me out Cullen. I want to help if I can."_

_"You don't understand, you can never understand," he whispered, refusing now to look at her. "To see your face, have that demon taunting me with my desires for you, my...infatuation with you...just go. Leave me alone."_

_Solona reached out to him but he pulled away from her. "Cullen, that wasn't real. I'm real. I'm here, right beside you."_

_"You were real to me then too," he informed her. "A mage was responsible for my torment. Dozens of them turned, killing those around me that I have worked with, looked up to. Only a mage has the sort of power to do what was done to us, to me. Only a mage can fall prey to a demon."_

_Solona tried to ignore the hurt inside her from his words. "You know all mages aren't like that Cullen. I'm not like that..."_

_"You could be," he said meeting her gaze with an icy glare. "I didn't think the others were like that either. No, for the first time I am thinking clearly, seeing you and all mages for what you really are."_

_She retreated from the bed and put some distance between them. "And what am I Cullen?" Solona asked in a whisper. "What do you consider all mages to be?"_

_It was the argument they had always avoided, and though still plagued with the torment he had endured, Cullen suddenly felt guilty for the direction in which the conversation had gone. He hadn't meant to hurt her, but it was clear from her posture and the pain in her eyes that he had already gone too far. "You should leave," he said again, not wishing to cause her further heartache. "There is nothing more for you here."_

_Solona turned and walked toward the door, ignoring the stinging tears that threatened to fall at any moment. She resisted the urge to look back at him, to try once more to make him remember what they had meant to each other at one time. But it was clear Uldred's prison had changed him, and his opinion of her._

_She left without saying another word._

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

_Solona knew far too well it was his footsteps entering the room. She rolled over on her side to face the wall, her back to him. The closer he came towards the bed the faster her heart raced. As if closing her eyes would make him go away, she did so tightly, involuntarily wincing at the pain the action had caused._

_She heard the scraping of a chair against the wood floor as he brought it closer to her and sat down. The sound of his armor shifting warned her before the outstretched hand touched her shoulder, and she pulled away from him. "Don't," Solona begged him, painfully shifting her wounded body further away from him._

_"You nearly died," Cullen said, the sadness evident in his words._

_"I'm aware," she said coldly. The ashen air had burned her throat and her voice was a harsh scratchy whisper. Solona struggled within herself, ignoring the part of her that wanted him to climb into bed with her, wrap her in his arms and assure her that everything would be alright. But she couldn't allow that._

_Before he had arrived she saw the gift the archdemon had given her; the left side of her face swollen, several shades of purple and blue, with a large indented gash down her cheek. She was told she might never see out of her left eye again, may never be able to smile completely or ever fully heal. Scarring was inevitable, and her loss of sight would probably prevent her from doing anything other than paperwork in some place like Amaranthine where there was no concern of battle._

_She'd be useless to the Wardens, a burden to Cullen or to anyone around her, and nothing more than a damaged trophy for Ferelden to gawk at. "There she is," they'd whisper. "The Hero of Ferelden. Too bad she ended up looking like that." Never had Solona cared for looks or appearances until she was so damaged._

_Having Cullen beside her now only reminded her of what else the darkspawn and the war had stolen from her. Her dreams of returning to him once the archdemon was slain were foolish. So what he had come all this way to fight beside her? Who cared that he was the one to bring her to safety? She was still a mage. He was still a templar._

_"You were right all along," Solona lied still facing the wall._

_Cullen leaned forward in the chair to hear her sullen voice. "What about?"_

_"Us," she said, cringing as a tear fell on to the wounded flesh of her cheek._

_He shook his head, though she couldn't see. "No. I will not let you do this now. For years you denied me that argument, I won't let you try and use it here as a means to push me away."_

_She ignored him. "We both know it's true. So just go."_

_Her body stiffened when she heard him push his chair back. "Solona don't do this," Cullen begged as he knelt on the bed, took her arm and tried to roll her over._

_The spell was cast before Solona realized what she was doing. Before he had managed to turn her on her back, a strong mind blast sent Cullen across the room and into the far wall. He too could not help his immediate reaction as the smite hit her with full strength within the small room. In her already weakened state, his counter attack caused physical harm instead of simply draining her, and Solona cried out._

_His heart dropped when he heard her, and he moved swiftly across the room to her. She sat up with her legs drawn to her chest but kept her face hidden in the corner of the wall. Before Cullen was able to reach the bed she extended her arm out and put her hand up. "Stay away from me," she said through gritted teeth._

_"Solona," he pleaded once more, though he made no further efforts to approach her._

_She turned her head slightly to the right to look at him for what she believed would be the last time. "We've just proved why we can not be together," Solona whispered._

_"Years I have tortured myself over you, the wrenching guilt of caring for you and longing to be with you," Cullen admitted. "Now I am here for you and you push me away as if none of it mattered."_

_"Years you kept reminding me that we should never have been together. Never touched each other at all." Solona reminded him. "Don't think I've forgotten what you said last time we were together. You were quite clear in your opinion then."_

_Cullen couldn't help the anger he was beginning to feel, even if mixed with sorrow for what he knew she was attempting to do. "I would hope you'd forgive me for that considering what I had gone through, as I will forgive you for today when you realize what you've done."_

_She watched as the door closed behind him when he left, fighting the tears that would burn her wounds._

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

"How many times have we attempted this," Solona joked as she sat on the bed, Cullen choosing to remain standing.

He smiled, though his eyes expressed a distant sadness. "Too many times. Foolishly."

"It's an argument as old as time," Solona said, tucking one leg beneath her as the other hung over the side of the bed. "Templars can't be with mages. Nobles shouldn't be with commoners. No mixing elves and humans."

Cullen knelt down and began tossing wood into the fireplace. "I've never heard of a templar with a mage, no. But King Alistair managed to marry a servant, which makes the old arguments null and void I suppose."

Solona shrugged. "Well, I do know an elf that has mixed with plenty of humans, which could void the argument. But Alistair doesn't count. Bastard king remember? He's not really a noble. Though it was fun to watch Arl Eamon squirm when Alistair announced he was marrying a tavern wench from Redcliffe. He and Bella are nearly perfect for each other."

"Is there such a thing?" Cullen asked. "Two people perfect together?"

She shrugged. "They seem to be. Happy, content, and she's a lot smarter than anyone ever gave her credit for. She's made an excellent queen and brings out the best in him. They probably fight as much as any other couple, but they have a strong history behind them, both growing up in Redcliffe the way they did." Solona watched him break branches to put under the larger logs. "Maybe that just proves whoever made up these stupid rules doesn't have a clue what they are talking about."

"Whoever 'they' are," Cullen replied. He stood, wiped his hands on his dark pants, and gestured towards the piled wood. "Care to do the honors?"

Solona released an exaggerated gasp. "Why Knight-Commander, are you asking a mage to use her skills outside the walls of the circle?"

He bowed to her. "Please M'Lady, if you'd be so kind."

She giggled at his formality and cast a quick spark toward the wood. Flames began to dance as they wrapped around the logs and soft crackling sounds filled the room. Solona moved slightly toward the head of the bed to allow Cullen room to sit down and they both studied the fire for a moment, watching it grow from her small spark to a full blaze.

Wishing to return to their original discussion, she turned her attention back to Cullen. "I have a counter argument for you."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Do tell."

"Well," she began apprehensively, stalling to gather her thoughts. "There is the obvious of course. I was born a mage."

Cullen grinned. "Yes, we know this much."

"But you...you were not born a templar." She watched his expression as she continued. "I can not change who I am, no matter how much both of us wish it."

He understood what she was trying to say. "You think it that easy of me? To just stop being a templar?"

"No," she admitted. "I know what it means to you, what it's always meant to you. And even knowing what I've told you, it is clear your heart remains true to the Order. But if we continue on with the old arguments - that we can never truly be together because of your chosen way of life versus what I have no choice in..."

"Then I am the one who must choose," Cullen finished.

Solona nodded, extending her hand to touch his. He accepted her touch willingly, locking his fingers between hers. "If I could change what I am to be with you, there is no doubt that I would," she told him. "I do not expect the same of you, but it is you that struggles most with trying to accept us the way we are. Only you can resolve this."

"For years the only doubts and regrets I've ever had involved you," he said honestly. "Now with this information you bring, you force me to question everything I have ever believed in."

"I wouldn't say everything," Solona said to try and comfort him. "The brotherhood you've felt amongst the templars, the camaraderie and common goal that brings you together, those things have not changed. I'm not so foolish that I can't admit some mages are a danger to themselves and others, so your role within the Order is an important one. Don't let what the Chantry's doing taint that for you."

Cullen squeezed her hand. "How you can defend them while being what you are mystifies me."

She laughed. "In some parts I am considered a thief and a criminal too, that does not mean I feel there is no need for guards or prisons. Sadly the world views on such matters get clouded, our own experiences cause us to react in ways that others may not. I can think of a handful of mages that would never dare ever speak with a templar as you and I do."

"Or kiss one?" he added with a sly grin.

"Or desire one with every bone in their body," Solona added, secretly enjoying the flush upon his cheeks. She cleared her throat, pushing those thoughts away for now. "How long are we going to dance around this issue before we confront it?"

"You're right," he stated. "Years we have used this argument as a reason to not be together. And for years I have regretted it."

"And I," she told him. "Yet here we are again. I am still a mage, you remain a templar."

Cullen thought for a moment. "Perhaps not for much longer," he offered. "Harboring a wanted apostate, about to assist in uncovering a long kept and very nasty Chantry secret, it's only a matter of time before the Order releases me, if not imprisons me."

"Then we'll be wanted together," Solona said with a grin, followed by a deep yawn. "I have a suggestion, for tonight anyway."

"Oh?" His curiosity piqued.

She got off the bed and stood before him. "Take off your clothes."

Cullen's eyes widened at her request. "Uhm...excuse me?"

"It's been a long day and I'm tired," Solona told him. "Tonight we sleep together, two normal non mage and non templar people. We can go back to being complicated tomorrow."

"Solona..." suddenly he was very nervous. Not that he hadn't imaged spending the night with her a hundred times in his mind, but that it would happen now? Was he ready for this? Was she?

She noticed his apprehension immediately. "It's not what you think," she tried to calm him. "Just sleep, here with me tonight. It's far too late for you to go traveling through the tunnels and sneaking into the Gallows. We've never had the opportunity to just sleep together, and if you're willing, I'd very much like to do so."

It sounded innocent enough, though he wondered if he'd be able to resist her for an entire night, pressed against her warmth. "Just sleep?" he asked for confirmation.

"I promise," Solona said with a gesture of crossing her heart with her finger. "I'll even turn my back while you undress if it'll make you feel better." She turned around and waited to see what he did.

Moments later she heard him begin to undress, his shirt suddenly tossed in front of her on the chair near the fireplace. An idea came to mind and she ordered him to turn around as well so she could change.

When both had alerted to each other that they were finished, Cullen hesitated before looking over his shoulder. Solona stood in front of him, her grin wide as she showed off what she was wearing to bed. "Do you like?"

He was stunned at how beautiful she looked, standing before him wearing only his black shirt. It was big enough that it fell to just above her knees, and he tried to resist imagining what she was wearing underneath it. The soft muscle tone of her legs were teasing him to trail their length and discover what she was hiding underneath the hem of his shirt.

Solona fought her own battle as she looked at Cullen dressed now in only shorts. His chest called to her, the indentation of muscles begging for her to run her fingers along them gingerly. The desire she'd always had for him intensified to the point where she wondered if her suggestion was a mistake. Would it really be possible for them to just lay together like this? Knowing she'd feel his bare skin pressed against her, their legs no doubt wrapped around each other throughout the long night?

"Ready?" she asked, wishing to hide under the covers before she foolishly offered herself to him as she wished to.

"Ladies first," he offered, pulling back the blanket and sheet for her to climb into.

Solona got into bed and Cullen covered her, bending down to kiss her on the forehead. He then circled the bed to the other side and slipped under the covers next to her. She lay on her back, considering which position she should take. Back toward him seemed a tad impersonal, but she wasn't sure she could handle facing him. It'd be too hard to resist touching him, knowing his bare skin was only inches away.

Cullen, however, wasn't giving her the option. He lay on his side, facing her, and brought his hand to her face. "Come here," he demanded, caressing her cheek before trailing his hand down her arm and then to her back, pulling her closer to him. She did as he commanded, a sudden heat and desire forming within her. He released her only to brush the hair away from her face, and then leaned into her to close the remaining distance between them.

The warmth of his mouth pressed against hers pushed all other thoughts from her mind save one: would this finally be the night after all?

* * *

__


	12. Chapter 12

A soft moan woke him from his sleep, and for a moment Cullen wondered if he was still dreaming. Curled around him was Solona, arm draped over his chest and one of her legs between his. She had changed positions and was now nestled below his arm that he hadn't realized was wrapped around her. He could feel the warmth of her breath against his skin as she slept, and the last thing he wanted to do was wake her. But the sun was slowly rising outside the bedroom window, and he'd have to return to the Gallows.

They hadn't gone beyond kissing last night, Solona staying true to her word and stopping their passionate kisses before both of them reached the point of no return. Cullen knew she had wanted more in the way her tongue had danced with his, but she didn't push him. He was starting to wonder if he'd ever have the courage to move forward with their relationship. She had been patient with him for years, would she continue to do so?

With gentle strokes he caressed her arm still covered in his shirt. "Solona," he whispered, hating himself for ruining this perfect moment. Her lashes fluttered, the light touch tickling him, but she seemed to drift back to sleep a minute later.

Or so he thought. She was awake, but Solona had no desire to move. The gentle rise and fall of Cullen's chest beside her, the warmth of his body enveloping her as if she were wrapped in some protective cocoon, and the familiar scent of him were all very good reasons not to move, and so she didn't. His light touch on her arm caused small bumps on her skin and she involuntarily shivered when he continued up her arm to her neck.

"I know you're awake," Cullen stated as he applied a small amount of pressure to the base of her skull. Circular motions with his thumb in that exact spot caused her to moan again, and he couldn't help but smile. This was a stubbornness of hers he could get used to.

Solona shifted, pressing her body closer to his and lifting her head only to place it on his chest. The slow rhythm of his heart beating combined with his massaging her neck only made her want to stay in bed longer. "Shhh," she warned, turning her head slightly to kiss his chest. "One more hour."

He continued his ministrations on her skin but refused to let her go back to sleep. "We can't," Cullen said to her regrettably. "At least I can't. I need to get back."

She felt him hold his breath as she took her hand and traced the top of his shorts, grazing his skin lightly enough to tickle. "Are you sure?" Solona asked, clearly seeing the reaction her touch had on him.

Cullen brought his other hand to hers, stopping her taunting movements. "Solona," he said her name with great strain as he tried to control the building desire he felt. "What of your promise?"

She kissed his chest once more before lifting her head to look at him. "I promised we would sleep," Solona reminded him of the specifics with a sly grin. "According to you we are done sleeping."

He looked down at her and wondered to himself why he was feeling apprehensive. Everything about this moment felt so right to him, and he could not deny the love he felt for her when he looked into her eyes. Yet Cullen hesitated. And he almost hated himself for it. He had denied her in the Circle, again last night, and yet she had the patience of Andraste, never pushing him beyond what he was willing to give. All the excuses he had told himself back then seemed meaningless now as he held her in his arms.

Solona saw the conflict in his eyes and silently cursed herself for even suggesting they take things further. Her smile faded and she turned away from him before he could see the disappointment in her eyes. She untangled her limbs from his and offered one last kiss to his chest before she sat up. "You're right, it's getting late," she said as she removed the covers from her lower body.

Cullen reached for her arm before she could escape the bed. "No," he said to her, pulling her back down beside him. "No, I can not keep doing this."

She looked at him with concern, laying her arm across his torso again. "Keep doing what Cullen?"

"Denying you," he stated. "Denying myself. There is nothing I want more than to be with you. And I can no longer think of reasons why we must continue to wait."

Noting the determination in his expression, now it was Solona who suddenly became nervous. To hear these words from him after so many years, was she still dreaming? "I want nothing more than to be with you as well," she told him. "But you need to be sure. I can not do this if you will regret it later."

He brought his hand to her cheek and she melted into his palm. "My only regret is waiting this long," Cullen told her. "Fate has brought you to me again and I will not tempt it any further. Please Solona, please forgive me for my years of naivety and be with me now."

She leaned forward and kissed him softly, lingering only for a moment before pulling away. "Cullen, there's something I must tell you first. I need to be honest with you if we are to be together."

"Your past is your own," he assured her, assuming she was going to confess to some other sexual partners. That was never something he was going to hold against her.

"That's just it," Solona said quietly. "There is no past to speak of." She lowered her head, surprised at how embarrassed she felt. "I always meant for you to be my first."

For a moment Cullen could feel nothing beyond pure shock. She had waited for him? There had been so many years, and so many tragedies, between the beginning of their flirtations and now... he had never imagined, even for a moment, that she was still a virgin. His heart pounded in his chest as the shock slowly melted away, replaced by an even more overwhelming desire. He lifted a shaking hand to her chin, tilting her face up so their eyes met. Her normal teasing, taunting, defiant attitude was nowhere to be seen in the way she looked back at him. It was clear she was as nervous as he was. "Be with me," he repeated softly, kissing her forehead.

Their lips met, and though they'd kissed one another perhaps a hundred times before, this time felt different than all the others. Cullen pulled away first, and felt a smile curving his lips as it occurred to him why - this time, instead of the meeting of their tongues stoking a fire of desire that would be ignored, it was only the prelude.

He reached for the hem of the shirt she was wearing, and she obediently lifted her arms and allowed him to pull it up over her head. He tossed it aside and simply stared at her for a long moment, wanting to drink in the sight of her nakedness before they went any further. His smile widened when spots of color appeared on her cheeks, and he forced himself to look away and remove his own clothing, not wanting to embarrass her. When he, too, was naked he looked back at her, allowing her a moment to gaze upon him as he had her.

She moved a moment later, closing the small distance between them and laying herself on top of him. The feel of her flesh pressed against his own, with no barrier between them, was almost enough to make him lose himself then and there. For so long this moment had been only fantasy; to have it made reality seemed almost impossible. He resisted the urge to pinch himself, to make sure this was truly happening, and instead reached for her. His hands went to her hips as he braced himself, and then he lifted her up, off of him and down onto the bed, before following a moment later.

Everything that followed from that moment was beyond any dreams he'd ever had. They explored one another's bodies on instinct, letting intuition guide them where experience faltered. Solona seemed to know just how to touch and caress to make him lose himself in a sea of desire. He responded with his own caresses of her, teasing and gentle and patient. Time lost all meaning to them, as they learned each others rhythms and desires, as well as discovered their own.

When it was over, when they lay panting and sated next to one another, neither could have explained what had happened. Whether she slowly sank down on top of him, or he gently sank into her, how long they'd stayed locked together in that way they'd avoided for so long, how it felt to finally be connected in body, the way they'd always been in mind... it was beyond description, beyond anything either had ever felt in their lives.

Cullen fought off the exhaustion that beckoned long enough to bring his mouth down upon hers one more time, then allowed his suddenly heavy eyes to shut. Solona smiled, curling her body closer to his, and felt a peaceful, sated sleep descend.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Varric moved swiftly through the streets of Hightown to Hawke's estate, trying to ignore the feeling that he was being followed. He'd slipped into a few shadows along the way, maybe not as skillfully as Isabela, but then again nobody could outdo Rivaini in the stealth department. He hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary, yet that didn't mean he was wrong. He'd much rather have avoided the estate entirely, but unfortunately, time was not on his side.

Rapidly, he knocked at the door until Bodahn let him in. "Anyone here?" he asked his fellow dwarf.

"Master Carver is in the study," Bodahn reported. "And I believe our hero is still upstairs."

Varric eyed him curiously. "Late sleeper, is she?"

"She may have... company," Bodahn replied. "I do not recall the Knight-Commander leaving the estate last night, though I could be mistaken."

Cursing at the lack of time to hear a good story, Varric moved through the estate toward the study. When the two dwarves entered, Carver looked up from the letters sprawled out on the table. "Varric. Surprised to see you here so early."

"Early?" Varric scoffed. "I've been up all night looking into your seeker problem. It's bigger than we expected."

The alarm was clear in his expression. Carver stood, gathered the letters and handed them to Bodahn. "How much bigger?" he asked.

"Bigger than that old chip on your shoulder, Junior. Solona won't make it out of the city in time," Varric informed him. "They'll be here before sundown at the rate they're traveling. Rivaini stayed behind on the hunt for the phylactery, but I gotta tell ya, it does not look promising. They've brought an army with them - I think they completely emptied out Val Royeaux."

Carver sat back down, rubbing his forehead as he thought. "I haven't even had time to warn my sister. If we're lucky, she won't attack first and ask questions later."

"You'll be lucky to make it out of the city at all," Varric insisted.

"I'll make the preparations immediately," Bodahn startled them both when he spoke - they'd forgotten he was there. "If we're sticking to the original plan, my boy and I can be ready by this afternoon."

Carver looked at him. "Do it. But first see to it that Solona is informed of what is happening."

Bodahn shifted uncomfortably. "You want me to er... interrupt them messere?"

Varric smiled at the awkward expression on Carver's face. It was difficult enough accepting that his superior might have slept only a few rooms away from him last night - and with his _cousin_ ; the last thing he wanted was confirmation of it. Hearing Bodahn suggest interrupting _them_ made it clear his suspicions were correct. "Give them another hour, but no longer."

Varric rested Bianca on the table. "You take care of what you need to Bodahn. I'll make sure the hero knows what's going on."

Both Bodahn and Carver knew exactly why Varric had made the offer, and to Varric's delight neither one of them seemed to want to protest.

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

__

* * *

Solona screamed. The sudden shriek that escaped her lips caused Cullen to bolt upright, grabbing the nearest weapon at his disposal. Brandishing the deadly brass candlestick, his eyes finally focused on what had startled his lover. For a moment the thought took him aback - they were _lovers_ \- but then a frown furrowed his brow.

Varric.

He stood in the doorway, leaning casually against its frame, arms folded across his exposed chest. Cullen had never been able to figure out why Varric thought all that hair was attractive.

"The dwarf couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the Knight-Commander, a templar, in bed with the Hero of Ferelden, a mage," Varric began to spin his tale audibly while the two rushed in haste to retrieve their clothes. "The start to an epic romance novel, written by yours truly."

"It will end in tragedy for the writer if you do not go at once," Cullen muttered as he pulled up his trousers. "Allow the lady some privacy."

Varric shook his head at the two of them as they darted and pranced around the room. "You'll need to move a lot faster than that," he said as he turned around. "The Seekers are practically on Kirkwall's doorstep."

"Wait!" Solona called to him as she covered herself with a sheet. "The Seekers are here?"

Varric looked over his shoulder at Cullen. "They will be before the day is out. It might be good if you lovebirds, you know, moved it along," he said, and waved his hand in emphasis.

Solona dropped back onto the bed as the bedroom door shut, leaving her alone with Cullen once more. The weight of Varric's words hit her like a ton of bricks. Solona hadn't expected them to arrive so soon. Not now, not after her and Cullen had finally...

He knelt before her, placing his hands on her knees. "Do not worry," Cullen said. "We'll get you safely out of the city. You have my word."

Solona was afraid that any minute she might fall apart and throw herself into his arms. She fought the urge and took a deep breath; now was not the time. She knew what she had to do, and though she hated it, it's what she had always done - set aside her personal desires to do the right thing. But something in what he had said struck her. "You aren't coming, are you?"

Cullen did not turn away from her as she had expected. Instead his eyes grew serious. "Do you truly believe I could part with you again after last night?" He trailed his fingers along her exposed thigh. "No, I will not be leaving with you, but I will be joining you. It'll be a day or two, but no more if I can help it."

It was all she had needed to hear. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she brought her lips to his and kissed him. He matched her passion with the intensity of his own need; leaning her back onto the bed. When she felt his desire for her begin to stir, she encouraged him to take her once more.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

"Is everything ready?" Carver asked Bodahn when he and Sandal returned from the patio.

The older of the two dwarves nodded. "Yes messere, the cart has been loaded with supplies and arranged as we discussed. My boy assures me that his enchantment will hold."

"Enchantment!" Sandal repeated, clapping his hands with excitement.

Carver sighed, wishing he had as much confidence in the boy as Bodahn did. "And you're sure you know where you're going? I'm almost certain they will not let me accompany you outside the city, so you need to make sure your story is sound and know exactly where to take her."

"I have traveled a bit in my day, messere," Bodahn reminded Carver. "And with the Hero to boot! There is no road we haven't seen, no battle we haven't faced and been triumphant! We'll get her there safe and sound."

"We're counting on you Bodahn," Cullen said as he and Solona descended the stairs. "I put in your care what I hold most dear, do not let me down."

Solona smiled at the two dwarves. "It'll be just like old times," she told them, playfully messing Sandal's hair. "Though you could've warned me about this plan of yours," she said to Cullen.

"I'm sorry," he said honestly. "I know you do not enjoy cramped spaces, but unfortunately we can see no other way."

She gently rubbed his arm. "Time to face my fears then. If only I had been able to convince Morrigan to teach me to shape-shift."

"I rather prefer you didn't learn that particular... skill," Cullen told her.

Solona couldn't help but laugh. Talk of magic always made him squirm. "But if I had learned, I could turn into a beautiful white dove and fly away, making this whole escape thing that much easier, don't you agree?"

"This is no joking matter Solona," he reminded her while he put his jacket on. "There is still a great risk you will be caught. If they are aware of your past association with Bodahn and Sandal, you may not get out of the city at all."

She pushed her nervous playfulness aside for him. "We'll get out somehow. You just worry about staying out of trouble yourself, so you can join us."

Carver interrupted them. "You are meeting up with them?"

"Once I appease the inquiries of the Seekers, I hope to, yes," Cullen informed Carver.

"I hadn't planned on waiting for you," Carver stated.

Cullen decided now was the time to admit the truth to Carver. "You have no need to. I already know where your sister and Anders have been hiding. She sent word to me when they settled."

"You've known this entire time?" The shock caused Carver's voice to crack, and he quickly cleared his throat to cover his embarrassment.

The knight-commander nodded. "How else was I to keep the patrols and scouts from finding them? You know as well as I that they are not all that far from the city. Of course she'd choose to remain close should you or any of her friends need her. In truth I'm surprised this hasn't come up before now."

"And you never told me... " Carver was still surprised.

Cullen shrugged. "You never asked. Does it matter? I have kept their secret."

"No," he admitted. "I suppose it doesn't." He hesitated for a moment before adding, "Thank you."

Cullen nodded. "Alright then. Let's get you three out of here."

They exited the estate onto the back patio and said their goodbyes. There was a brief, awkward hug between the two cousins, and a much longer embrace between the lovers. Cullen stared at Solona for a long time, as if memorizing her face in case it was the last time he would look upon her beauty. She did her best to remain strong, not allowing him to see the fear resounding within her heart. For the first time in their long history, they were parting with the intention of being together again. If anything could see her through the certain danger ahead of her, it was the knowledge that she would soon be back in her true love's arms.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Hawke stuck close to the trees as she tracked the army of templars moving parallel to the Planasene Forest. To her advantage, she had spent countless hours maneuvering through the forest to learn the best scouting positions. It was also her only current exercise routine, keeping her balance and limited dexterity honed by climbing the large oaks.

They were easy to spot from a distance however, because their armored footfalls stirred up the dirt road on which they marched. The Imperial Highway ended just outside of Cumberland, and now only foot traffic to the various cities in the Free Marches kept it clear of overgrowth. Of course Hawke didn't believe this group was headed to Wildervale or Ostwick, but most likely Kirkwall. There wasn't a doubt in her mind - the Seekers were _seeking_ the Champion of Kirkwall. In other words - her.

She waited until they were mere specks in the distance before she hopped down and made her way towards the cabin. More like a shack, abandoned by an old woodsman after his wife had died, she and Anders found it merely by chance during their escape from Kirkwall. They had remained within the forest with plans to sail from Cumberland when they'd found the place, and together they'd decided to remain there for at least a year. Their friends might need them. _Kirkwall_ might need them.

Anders pulled her into a tight embrace when she entered their home, and then began picking stray bits of tree debris from her hair. "You're late," he teasingly scolded her. "I was beginning to worry."

Hawke rubbed her hands along the scruff of his beard before offering him a quick kiss. "I had to double-back from the city to avoid a small templar army," she informed him with a grin.

"A little late for the exalted march they threatened, isn't it?" Anders joked as he prepared tea for the two of them.

She giggled as she settled onto the couch. "Why march at all? I sided with the templars, Meredith is history, and Cullen has things running smoothly. No, they must be after something else."

He served her tea and sat beside her. "I know that look Hawke," Anders narrowed his eyes as he spoke to her. "Your curiosity will be the death of me. Leave it alone."

Hawke patted him on the knee. "You don't have to worry Anders, I'm not going anywhere."

"But you're dying to know," he added, understanding her all too well.

She smiled. "Of course. But we agreed to stay put unless we heard from Cullen or my brother. And besides," Hawke added, putting her cup down and wrapping her arms around him, "I much prefer staying here with you to fighting. It's so... dirty."

The smile he gave her in reply was wicked. "A compromise," Anders offered, kissing her forehead. "We remain here, but get _dirty_ in there," he said, nodding toward the bedroom.

"Mhmmm," she purred. "I like the way you think." She nuzzled his neck and slipped her hands into the folds of his loose shirt. "I accept your compromise."

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Isabela was thankful for the late evening sun, as it obstructed her target's view, and gave her the advantage. She had thought to catch the army further away from Kirkwall than this particular spot, but when she came through the forest she'd nearly collided with them. Retreating from the road she retraced her steps, using what appeared to be a lone cabin as her landmark to get her bearings. Moving in a wide arc around the structure so as to not alert its occupants, she headed back toward the city to parallel the armies movements.

Nearly two hours later, and another hour outside the city, the dozens of templars and seekers came to a stop, presumably for supper. Isabela used this time to risk a closer look, trying to get a proper headcount and see if she could spot Leliana. In a sea of uniforms it was nearly impossible to notice anyone individually, so she crept even closer, hoping to get a glimpse of the fiery red hair.

The only woman she could see was not Leliana; her darker hair and Navarrian skin-tone ruled her out immediately. The rest were all men in various types of armor, from plate to leather to the common clothing worn by, what Isabela determined, were the hirelings. As they had several carts and wagons with them, she wasn't even sure where to begin searching for the phylactery, or how she would even do so.

"I might have known you'd be scouting out here," a sultry Orlesian voice sounded behind her.

Isabela didn't bother to turn around, keeping her eye on the caravan. "And my job probably would've been easier had I just waited for you to find me instead of the other way around."

"And so I have," came the response. "What are you doing out here, Isabela?"

"Oh I'm sure you can put two and two together," Isabela replied as she turned around slowly, showing no weapons in her hands. "Or was it only three last time we were together?"

Leliana circled her fellow rogue. "You are correct. As I recall the Hero was not interested in joining that little party," she agreed, completing the circle and then stopping to face Isabela. "But we are a long way from the Pearl, are we not?"

"We are indeed," Isabela sighed, then offered a wide grin. "That doesn't mean we can't have some fun out here."

Leliana laughed as she secured her withdrawn daggers and crossed her arms over her chest. "It has been some time since I have indulged in that type of... behavior. And I suspect you wish to use sex as a means of distraction, as you are well known to do."

"No more than you," Isabela retorted. She almost would've been offended if it weren't true. "Alright then, I'll just lay it out on the table for you. I know why you're headed to Kirkwall, and I've been sent by a mutual friend to find you."

Leliana narrowed her eyes. "Oh, you know do you? Please, tell me what it is you think you know."

It was a dangerous game Isabela was playing, she knew this, but for once she thought she'd try putting faith in friendship. "Solona has already left, so you and that army of yours are wasting your time. Hand me the phylactery and we'll part ways, and I'll never tell a living soul that this conversation took place."

"Ah, so that is what you are after," Leliana smiled as she reached into her vest pocket and removed a small vial containing a crimson colored liquid. She tossed it to Isabela who caught it with dexterous ease.

Isabela studied the vial, holding it up to the light of the sun. "Well, that was easy."

Leliana laughed. "Too easy, no? Perhaps that is because you are wrong. You think I would betray a friend, one as close as Solona who is so dear to my heart? If you see her, tell her I am disappointed she would think me capable of such a thing."

"Wait," Isabela was now confused. "You aren't after Solona?"

The former bard shook her head. "The Seekers are searching for her, yes, but I had no intention of allowing them to find her. Your confirmation that she was in Kirkwall is mere coincidence. We have come for the Champion, not the Hero."


	14. Chapter 14

Carver stood by with little patience as Cullen and Solona remained in their farewell embrace. Time was of the essence, yet they seemed to have little care. An extra hour spent in the bedroom, and now this. The clearing of his throat did little to influence them, however, their endless kissing and touching was making him highly uncomfortable. Finally Carver spoke up. "We need to go."

Cullen nodded, though Solona made no move to pull away from him. He offered her one last squeeze before gripping her shoulders. "I will return to you," he vowed, kissing her forehead as she looked up at him. "But he's right, you need to leave now."

Solona sighed and released her grasp on him. They moved over to the cart of supplies and she looked inside. "For the record, I hate this, I hope you know."

"I know," Cullen answered, sweeping her off her feet and into his arms.

With careful maneuvering he assisted Solona into the back of the cart, feet first. She inched her way forward until her toes touched the wooden planks in the back. Crossing her arms over her chest and laying on her back, she did her best to ignore the small, cramped compartment. The top of the cart was only an inch or two from her face, and she had even less room on either side of her. It wasn't long before her pulse quickened, and the feeling of panic overwhelmed her.

She felt his strong hands on her shoulders again, and Solona closed her eyes. It was only temporary she reminded herself. Another thought entered her mind, how despite Cullen's protests she wished she had learned to change shape from Morrigan. Being as free as a bird right now seemed near to paradise compared to the claustrophobia that stole her breath.

"Are you alright?" His tender voice asked.

Solona allowed the nervous laugh to escape her lips. "Next time I get to throw you in a sarcophagus and close the lid, then I'll ask you that same question."

"Your destination is not far," Cullen reminded her. "Once you are safely outside of Kirkwall you can get out."

"Lucky me," she said with a sigh. "Let's go before I start trying to claw my way out of here."

Cullen leaned into the limited space she had and kissed the top of her head. "I will see you soon," he reminded her again, before stepping away from the cart.

Carver was relieved that the two of them had finally finished their goodbyes. "Bodahn?"

The dwarf nodded and then turned to his son. "Okay Sandal, time to work that enchantment of yours."

"Enchantment!" the excited glee came from the shorter dwarf. Sandal stepped up to the only open area of the cart and inserted three runestones into what appeared to be only shallow indentations in the wood. Carver and Cullen watched as the back of the cart shimmered slightly and an illusion formed before their eyes. No longer able to see Solona, now there appeared baskets and bundles of wood and fruit that seemed to reach into the depths of space where Solona lay.

"That looks real enough to touch," Cullen whispered.

Bodahn reached into one of the bundles and pulled out an apple. "My boy is a wonder," he said, tossing the apple to Cullen. "Now unless there is anything else, we should be on our way."

Cullen studied the fruit in his hand. It certainly felt real, and he wondered just how the boy had pulled it off. As long as he's been a templar he had never seen anything quite like it before, and though he didn't admit to the others, it scared him. "Go," he ordered to Carver. "See to it they get there safely."

Carver led the way as Bodahn and Sandal followed with the cart, and Cullen went back into the estate to take the tunnels to the Gallows.

From the shadows across from the Amell estate Sebastian watched as the dwarves moved through Hightown with Carver beside them. No sign of the woman with them, but she no longer mattered to him. He had a feeling Carver would lead him straight to Hawke, and then finally he would get his revenge on Anders.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

After changing into his templar gear, Cullen made a brief stop into Meredith's former office. He gathered whatever files he did not want the Seeker to find and carried them to his own office, where he would secure them from prying eyes. He thought it peculiar that the normal guard Aveline kept posted outside his door wasn't there, and he entered the room with caution.

Seated behind his desk was Leliana. He had met her twice before; once at Kinloch Hold when Solona had rescued him from Uldred's prison, and then again at Fort Drakon. He'd known her then as a friend of Solonas. More recently however, Hawke had filled him in on Leliana's last visit to Kirkwall, under the pseudonym of Sister Nightingale, and her new role of working for the Divine. Noticing the symbol of the Seeker Order on the chest plate of her leather armor, it wasn't difficult to figure out why she had returned to the city.

"You are not surprised to see me," Leliana stated as Cullen entered his office and closed the door behind him.

"I imagine I would be considered terrible at my job if I wasn't aware of who was approaching the city," Cullen responded. "Though it is good to see you again, Leliana."

"Likewise," she said as she stood, offering him his chair.

Cullen accepted, sitting behind his desk and placing Meredith's files in a drawer for now. He waited for Leliana to take a seat opposite him before speaking again. "I admit I am surprised you didn't come with the others, who I believe are nearing the gates even as we speak?"

"They are," Leliana confirmed. "Lead by Cassandra Pentaghast, an army of templars and seekers are about to take over Kirkwall for a short while. Cassandra believes I am here to try and use our history together to her advantage, and acquire information you would have kept to yourself."

"I see," he said leaning forward, placing his arms on his desk. "And _is_ that why you are here?"

"No," Leliana admitted honestly. "But you are the reason I volunteered for this assignment."

Cullen raised a brow in curiosity. "As far as I am aware, you and I only have one thing in common," he said. "Do you bring news of Solona?"

Leliana laughed. "We both know you have seen our Hero more recently than I," she told him frankly. "I am not here to interrogate you on her whereabouts, and from what Isabela told me that is the reason you believe the Seekers are here, yes?"

Cullen remained silent, and Leliana placed her hands over his on the desk. "I know of your feelings for her and hers for you. I am not blind to love, nor do I forget the many nights her and I lay awake discussing you. If I can help it, she will remain hidden from them forever." She released her hold on him and reached into her pouch. "Isabela had asked me for this. But it was always my intention to give it to you."

He watched Leliana with suspicion until she held out a vial of crimson liquid for him to see. "Maker's breath," Cullen whispered, staring intently at the object. "You brought it here, yet claim to not be searching for her?"

She placed the phylactery on the desk in front of him. "Do with it what you will," Leliana told him as she stood. "Though Isabela believes she has it, this one is Solona's. I'd suggest you destroy it before the others arrive."

Cullen dared to touch the vial, now holding in his hands the only way anyone would be able to track his beloved. It seemed almost too good to be true, and yet he believed that Leliana was being honest with him. The sound of his door opening brought his attention back to the bard. "Wait," he called to her.

"There is little time," Leliana warned him. "And when you sneak away from here to meet up with Solona and the others? Inform Isabela she holds the other phylactery your group would find most valuable."

Cullen wasn't sure what she meant by that, but in that moment he didn't really care. "There's no way we can repay for this," he told her. "For her life, her freedom..."

"Actually, you may be able to help me with something," Leliana remembered. "Any idea where I might find a dwarf that goes by the name Varric Tethras?"

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Carver silently cursed under his breath as they approached the Hightown gates to the city. The guards on either side of the entrance stood at attention as a large army approached from the path between the Vinmark Mountains and the Planasene Forest. Carver couldn't see the entire entourage behind the woman who approached him, but he guessed it was more than one hundred men.

"Be easy cousin," Carver said close to the cart. "The Seekers are approaching."

A tall woman with dark hair entered the city first, and then the army entered, falling into rows of ten behind her. The stomping of their boots upon the stone of Hightown was intimidating and nearly deafening. When the marching stopped in unison, the woman began to speak to one of the guards. "Inform your captain of our arrival, and that we request her presence in a meeting at the Gallows in one hour."

The guard nodded and headed off in the direction of Viscount's Keep. The woman turned her attentions on the three attempting to exit the city. She eyed the two dwarves and then fixed her gaze on Carver. "My name is Cassandra Pentaghast, I am here by order of the Divine. My apologies, but no one may exit the city until further notice."

"Bodahn Feddic, at your service," he bowed respectfully. "This here's my boy Sandal."

"And you are?" She asked Carver, walking within inches of him.

He shifted nervously as he told her his name. It didn't seem to phase her one way or the other as she walked by him to get a closer look at the dwarves. She walked around their cart slowly, examining it from all angles and studying its contents. "You appear to be taking a long voyage Ser Feddic," Cassandra stated.

"Indeed," Bodahn responded. "We're on our way to Orlais to see the Empress."

She looked at him with a suspicious glance. "You are travelling all that way to see Empress Celene? You do know she doesn't accept visitors."

Bodahn extracted a parchment from his pocket and handed it to the Seeker. "We were summoned by her personally," he explained. "Well, my boy more so than me, but it's all there in the invitation."

Cassandra read the letter, noting the seal of the Empress imprinted near her signature. "I see," she said as she handed the parchment back to him. "A long journey with no protection? The road to Orlais is not a safe one."

"Not many mercenaries in Kirkwall I'm afraid," Bodahn responded with ease. "We'll make it to Cumberland and then hire a few guards for the rest of our travels. My boy and I are no strangers to the road, though your concern is greatly appreciated."

"The Knight-Commander allowed me leave long enough to escort them to Cumberland," Carver informed Cassandra. "These two have been invaluable to the templars in the cleanup efforts of Kirkwall, and he felt we owed them this courtesy."

Cassandra returned her focus to the cart of supplies as she spoke. "Did he?" she asked, though required no answer as she reached into the cart and helped herself to some berries. She held them up to the fading sunlight and inspected them for a moment before tossing them back into the cart. "I'm afraid I can not allow you to go," Cassandra said as she turned to face Carver. "I'll have two of my men assure safe passage for the dwarves. But you, Carver Hawke, will remain in Kirkwall."

"That's mighty kind of you to offer," Bodahn said. "But it's really not necessary. We can make it to Cumberland on our own just fine."

"I insist," Cassandra said, as two men fell out of rank and joined them by the cart. "It's the least I can do for taking your only escort from you."

Bodahn bowed. "Then on behalf of my boy and myself, I thank you. We should be heading off then, night comes quickly around these parts."

"Thank you again," Carver said to Bodahn and Sandal as he stood beside Cassandra and watched them exit the city. "I imagine you wish to head to the Gallows and speak with the Knight-Commander?" he asked Cassandra.

"In a moment," Cassandra advised him before moving toward her small army. "Generals!" She called for the leaders of each squad to step forward in a semicircle around her. "Squads one and two will spread out through Hightown. Squads three and four to Lowtown. Squad five take over Darktown and squad six will remain at the docks after we leave. Squad seven will accompany us to the Gallows. No one enters or exits Kirkwall without my permission. Clear?"

The Generals nodded and retreated to their individual groups of men and women, relaying the instructions Cassandra had given them. Carver tried to ignored the heavy weight in the pit of his stomach as the armored templars and seekers swiftly moved through Hightown like locusts swarming a wheat field.

"Let's go," she said to Carver. She walked right by him and took the lead as if she had lived in Kirkwall her entire life and knew the streets better than he did. He followed behind obediently, hoping that Bodahn could concoct some plan to lose his new traveling companions.

Sebastian watched from the shadows as the army began to veer off in several directions. He retreated to the steps leading from Lowtown to Darktown in the hopes of exiting the city through the sewers before the army found its way there. It was clear he'd learn nothing new by following Carver; his gut told him to follow the dwarves instead. Taking the tunnels would only cost him at most a half hour, which he assumed was a worthy risk considering the slow pace with which the dwarves moved.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Isabela lay in the middle of the path, nursing a wounded ankle, when Bodahn and the templars rounded the bend. She made her best effort to lean forward, in the hopes of distracting them with her cleavage, as she rubbed the tender muscle with her left hand. Like moths to a flame the two men approached her, offering their assistance. "Are you alright?" One of them asked, kneeling down to assess the damage.

"Oh I'm fine now sweet thing, thank you," she said with a smile, before lifting her right hand, the one that held her secreted blade, and sliced the man's throat with one quick maneuver. Before his partner had a chance to react, she grabbed the man and pulled him down, stabbing him in the back. Both had fallen into her lap, and she pushed them off her legs with a grunt before jumping to her feet, her mysterious wound miraculously healed.

Bodahn's eyes widened at the sight of the corpses, though he was no stranger to combat. "Lady Isabela," he gasped. "What impeccable timing you have."

"Right place right time," she said with a smile, winking at Sandal. "I was on my way back to Kirkwall when I saw you were detained at the gates. Thought I may be useful if you didn't make it out alone."

"Indeed," Bodahn replied. "Useful you were, and my boy and I are grateful for your assistance."

Isabela pouted as she wiped the blood from her blade on one of the fallen men's pants. "You aren't letting me come with you? I know you're going to see Hawke."

"I'm sorry Messere," the older dwarf said sincerely. "But the less that know about her whereabouts the better off she'll be. You can understand that, yes?"

But she was ignoring him now, having moved on to inspect the back of the cart. "This is amazing camouflage work. Tell me your secret Sandal, I must know."

"Enchantment!" was his only reply as he lifted one of the rags to reveal the runes he had placed into the cart.

Sandal removed the runes, the illusion disappeared, and Solona released a sigh of relief. Turning her head and seeing an upside down Isabela, she couldn't help but laugh. "Mind getting me out of here?" She asked her old friend with a grin.

"Too bad there isn't room enough for two in this thing," Isabela winked as she reached in to pull Solona free from her hiding spot.

Once clear and on her feet again, Solona accepted the leather waterskin from Bodahn and drank its contents. Taking a look at her new surroundings, she asked, "How much further?"

"He won't tell me," Isabela said crossing her arms in a huff. "You could go without me, and I could just follow you anyway," she reminded the dwarf.

Solona noticed the two men on the ground, blood pooling around them. "Your handy work?" She asked Isabela.

The pirate shrugged. "I supposed I could've just slept with them," she speculated.

Solona shook her head. "It's alright Bodahn," she assured him. "I imagine Hawke isn't going to appreciate us dropping in on her, so why not four of us instead of three? Isabela is probably better suited to make the introductions anyway considering Carver couldn't make it out of the city."

Bodahn finally relented. "It's just up the road a ways, we can be there within the hour."

"Good," Solona acknowledged. "Let's get moving then. While the cover of darkness is a benefit to us, it will also be a hinderance should Hawke be the type to hit first and ask questions later."


	15. Chapter 15

__

* * *

The hour passed quickly, and for once luck was with them. There'd been no sign of Seekers or Templars; in fact, not even a bandit or giant spider had waylaid them as they completed the last leg of their journey to the cottage.

Hawke's refuge was actually quite quaint. A small cottage with smoke rising cheerily from the chimney, tucked into a sparse copse of trees. The group approached with caution however, Isabela taking the lead as Solona held back with the others. The snap of a twig let Isabela know they were not alone, and instantly she had daggers in hand preparing to defend herself.

"Afraid of the dark?" Hawke's voice called from behind a large oak tree as Isabela spun around. The Champion revealed herself a split second before Isabela was going to release her blade into the tree.

"You could just say hi ya know," Isabela scolded before securing her weapons on her back. "Scaring an armed woman isn't wise."

"Sneaking up on my house in the middle of the night isn't wise," Hawke stated, before embracing the rogue. "Some warning next time?"

Isabela planted a large wet kiss on Hawke's cheek. "What fun would that be?"

Anders walked outside when he sensed the unmistakable feeling of the Darkspawn taint enter the area. He saw Hawke standing with Isabela, but they didn't seem to be alarmed of any impending danger. He allowed his eyes to focus on the darkness of the forest, searching for the creature he thought he felt. In the direction that put his Warden senses on alert, he saw Bodahn and Sandal approaching with a woman... He gasped when the light of the moon reflected off her hair; there was only one person he knew who had hair that color. As they walked closer, he continued to believe his eyes were playing tricks on him, until he noticed the unmistakable scar across her left cheek.

"Solona?"

Hawke tensed at first, hearing the name of someone she knew to be very special to Anders. Though not the jealous type, Hawke knew very well of Anders' past in Ferelden, and here was the one woman he regretted losing touch with. Turning, she observed the way Solona's eyes began to water as she approached the cottage. "Friend of yours I take it?" she asked Isabela in a whisper.

"Friend of yours too," Isabela replied. "You'll see."

Solona was unable to control the flow of tears that cascaded from her eyes. It had been years since last they spoke, since the day he had merged with Justice and left Vigil's Keep. Anders had become her closest friend during the dark times at Amaranthine, the one she turned to whenever she felt lost and alone.

Anders closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her as they embraced, and the overwhelming emotion he and Justice both felt nearly caused him to weep as well. He would be dead at the hands of the Templars if it weren't for her. Justice would've been lost to wander Thedas if she hadn't convinced the spirit to follow her. They both owed Solona Amell a great deal, and combined would give their lives for her without hesitation.

"Why am I feeling jealous?" Hawke asked Isabela as they watched the embrace between the two Wardens.

Isabela smiled at Hawke. "Some other woman touching your man? We could give him something to be jealous about," she added with a wink.

"Oh Isabela, I have missed your wit," Hawke said before clearing her throat. "Ahem, uhm, if you two are quite finished?"

Anders and Solona pulled back slowly and apologized, silly grins plastered on their faces. He gently rid Solona's face of tears before releasing her completely. "Marian, I'd like you to meet Solona Amell. My former Warden Commander and Hero of Ferelden."

"I gathered as much when you yelled her name before nuzzling her neck," Hawke stated with a smile. Turning to Solona she added, "It's an honor to finally meet the legendary Solona Amell."

"Likewise," Solona said with a bow. "I'm sorry," she added, feeling the need to apologize again. "I haven't seen Anders in a long time."

"Enchantment!" Sandal yelled from behind them, breaking through the awkward tension in the air.

Hawke and Solona both laughed at his excitement, and Hawke greeted Sandal with a warm smile. "Oh Sandal, you always did have the best timing. And Bodahn, what a wonderful surprise to see you both again."

"And you as well, Messere. My boy and I have missed you a great deal," he said.

"Come on then," Hawke said to the newcomers. "Let's go inside before the night chill takes us all."

They entered the temporary home of Hawke and Anders. The small living room felt that much more cramped with six of them now occupying the cozy space. Hawke prepared tea for the group and then joined them, squeezing in between Anders and Isabela on the couch. Solona sat in a chair opposite the three, and Bodahn remained standing near the door. Sandal was content to sit on the plush rug near Solona.

"I apologize for the intrusion," Solona began. "Carver had hoped to warn you ahead of time..."

Hawke cut her off. "My brother sent you here? Why did he not come himself?"

"He was detained by the Seekers at the gates," Bodahn advised them. He and Isabela began to fill them on the recent happenings in Kirkwall. From the cleanup of the Chantry to the changes Cullen had been making in the Circle.

While Hawke listened intently to every little detail, she noticed Anders wasn't paying any attention. He was busy studying Solona, who was entertaining Sandal with some string game, weaving it through her fingers to create patterns between her hands. Hawke nudged Anders with her knee and nodded toward the Hero, giving him the permission she knew he wanted to take her elsewhere and speak privately. She assumed Anders would not be interested in hearing about the aftermath of Kirkwall's destruction, especially as it had been caused by his own hand. Her suspicions were confirmed by the speed in which he stood, took Solona's hand, and exited the cottage.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Varric did not appreciate being hit over the head from behind. He also didn't care for the way he was being dragged through Hightown, the rough stoned pavement scraping the tips of his brand new boots. After this treatment, he had half a mind to send a bill for them to Val Royeaux. The two men on either side, whose elbows were linked with his, didn't seem to care as they approached the former home of Marian Hawke.

He was thrown into a high-backed chair, his two captors standing behind him, and a woman appeared from the shadows holding his book - the one he had just received back from the print shop. The epic story of the Champion of Kirkwall, written by his own hand. How had this woman received a copy before he had even begun to distribute it? Varric didn't know, didn't care, as he brought a hand to his aching skull.

"I've had gentler invitations," he said, shaking his head in a foolish attempt to correct his blurry vision. "From a bronto, no less."

"I am Cassandra Pentaghast," the woman spoke as she approached him. "Seeker of the Chantry." With a nod from her, the two guards exited Hawke's living room, leaving her alone with Varric.

He could do nothing but laugh at her serious attitude. "And just what are you seeking?"

"The Champion," she replied quickly.

This was an interesting twist. They had all assumed the Seekers had come to Kirkwall chasing the Hero. But they were actually after Hawke? Making his voice sound as nonchalant as possible, Varric asked, "Which one?"

Cassandra did not appreciate his refusal to take her seriously. Closing the gap between them with a quick stride, she raised her voice as she said, "You know exactly why I'm here!" She tossed the book at his face, which opened as it landed in his lap. Withdrawing her sword, she held it to his throat. "Time to start talking dwarf, they tell me you're good at it." As a final punctuation to assure him she meant business, Cassandra stuck her sword through his precious book.

 _Now that was just rude,_ Varric thought to himself, then wondered idly if this copy might be worth more coin having been christened by a Seeker's sword.

"Just what is it you want to know?" he asked, keeping his tone unconcerned.

"Everything," she said succinctly.

 _Everything_ would take a while. But no one loved to tell a story more than Varric. Every minute he spent with Cassandra was another minute the Hero and the Champion could use to escape her grasp.

It didn't take him long into their conversation to discover why Cassandra wanted Hawke and not Solona. Hawke had supported the Templars during the final battle in Kirkwall. That would be something the Chantry could use. Strike enough fear into the mages around Thedas with the Champion added to their ranks, and the war between the Templars and mages could be quickly ended. After all, the rumors that glorified Hawke as a baby killer, even though exaggerated, made her seem cold and heartless. Who wouldn't be afraid of her?

Which reminded Varric, this was the perfect opportunity to find out exactly where that crazy idea had originated, and he settled in to tell the tale of Hawke's many adventures.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

"They've taken over the entire city!" Aveline exclaimed in frustration.

"You need to calm down," Cullen tried, shooting Carver a nervous glance.

Aveline almost laughed. "Oh I am calm, this is me calm. But if that woman thinks she can come into _my_ city and begin barking orders to my guards..."

" _Your_ city?" Cullen repeated.

She fell into the chair in front of his desk. "I'm sorry, it's just... we've finally removed Kirkwall from Meredith's wicked grasp, and now we're supposed to what, surrender to the Seekers?"

Cullen shrugged. "It is, unfortunately, their way. They have the authority of the Chantry and that supercedes everything." He didn't like it any more than the guard captain did, but she needed to understand. "They can do what they want, where they want, whenever they wish."

"So where does that leave us?" Carver asked settling into the other chair. "She has Varric held up at the estate questioning him about my sister, and I'm sure I'll be next. We need to get you out of the city so you can warn them it's no longer safe."

"I have a few patrols still outside the gates, but there is no way to get word to them," Aveline said. "The Seekers are reading every report sent in and out of Kirkwall and not even allowing my men to relieve those patrols. We are cut off from the rest of the Free Marches."

Cullen didn't like the situation anymore than they did. "Isabela hasn't returned, so we can only hope she met up with the dwarves outside the city and went with them to find Hawke. She knows what's going on, and can warn them."

Carver wasn't satisfied with that answer. "And what then? We have no idea where they might run off to, and I'll never see my sister again." He leaned forward in his chair. "And you can forget about finding Solona."

Cullen hadn't bothered to tell the younger Hawke that he had Solona's phylactery, and was in no way concerned about his chances of reuniting with her. Though he had no intention of waiting longer than originally planned, it was true Solona may have already left the area. She was not lost to him however; assuming she did find Hawke and Anders, and was also with Isabela, Solona would be well protected, and he could meet up with her no matter where they had gone.

Still, if he didn't have to wait, he'd rather not. "Okay then, other ways out of the city? We can not leave the Gallows by craft, so that leaves the tunnels to Darktown."

Aveline shook her head. "They've placed guards around the Darktown tunnel entrance to the cliffs."

"What about the mage underground tunnel?" Carver asked. "Would they even know about it? The one Anders used from the mage quarters?"

Cullen's eyes widened from the possibility. "We have a templar on the entrance here, but haven't had time to seal the exit. If I remember correctly that one leads..."

"Right to the Vinmark Mountains," Carver answered. "But what if Cassandra asks for you when she returns?" he asked Cullen. "What should we tell her?"

Cullen took a deep breath, releasing it slowly as he stood. He retrieved a parchment from his desk drawer and handed it to Carver. "Give her this."

Carver took the letter and read it, then looked up at Cullen. "You're serious?"

Cullen nodded before removing the chest plate of his armor. "Yes. As of this moment, I resign as Knight-Commander of Kirkwall and renounce the Templar Order. My last act will be your promotion, Carver Hawke, as witnessed by Aveline Hendyr."

For once Aveline was at a loss for words, and Carver couldn't believe what he was hearing. As the two signed the document without another word, Cullen completed the action with his own signature, retrieved his pack, and made his way to the mage's quarters. He had made a promise to Solona that he was not going to lose her again, and he intended on keeping that promise.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Anders and Solona retreated outside to the rear of the cottage. Using a fallen tree not far from the house to sit on, Anders lit the wood in the makeshift firepit with a quick spell. "This is almost romantic," Solona commented as the flames began to rise. "Aren't you worried someone will see the fire?"

"Hawke and I come out here almost every night," he answered, poking at the fire with a stick. "We're deep enough in the forest that no one can see it from the road."

"That's good," she answered, taking a moment to finally relax. The moon still shone brightly above them, the clear night sky twinkling with the stars. "It's so peaceful here, Anders. You and Hawke are lucky to have found such a place."

Anders nodded. "I am lucky to have found her," he responded easily. "My life could have turned out very differently given recent events."

Solona turned to look at her old friend. "What happened Anders? I mean I know what I've heard, but how did it get so out of hand?"

"I'm not sure I can explain it all in one night," Anders answered, his expression becoming somber. "When Justice and I joined, over the years my anger changed him, changed us. The injustice done to the mages in Kirkwall under Meredith's rule... it stoked that anger. A statement needed to be made, and we made it, regardless of consequence."

"What about now?" Solona asked. "You've made your statement, yet you and Hawke are still here. I imagine after such a grand display you would continue on, fighting for mages."

Anders shook his head. "You've been to Kirkwall, you've seen the destruction I have wrought. In my anger, in the vengeance that consumed me, too many innocent lives were lost. Hawke should've killed me for my actions. By all rights I should not be here, I should be dead, and yet here I am." He turned to look at her. "I've been given another chance at freedom, and I wish to spend it with my love, not risking my life every day for a battle I can not possibly win on my own. I've set things in motion, it's time for others to take up the cause and see it through."

Solona turned away from him, his words echoing in her mind. Could this happen to her as well? The battle she was about to take on with the Chantry... would it only end in her death? The thought that she had now dragged Cullen into a fight that wasn't his, and the possibility of losing him so soon after they had reunited, made her sick to her stomach. Burying her face in her shaking hands, Solona fought back her tears. Just what had she begun?

"What is it?" Anders asked, placing his hand on the small of her back.

The gesture was enough to push her over the edge. Through sobs and tears Solona told him everything. Her reunion with Cullen, which was no surprise to him considering the endless nights they'd spent discussing the Templar in Amaranthine. The terrible things the Chantry had been doing to the Templars with the lyrium, and how a handful, under the Divine, knew Solona had evidence against them. Dagna's tragic death, her plan to expose the Chantry - she held nothing back from her old friend.

Anders listened intently, ignoring the stirring of Justice within him at what he was hearing. To think that the Chantry had a hand in turning their Templars dependant, forcing them to ingest lyrium that resulted in paranoia, and the number of mages that lost their lives or became tranquil as a result... he gripped the log they sat on tightly, keeping his anger under control. What Solona knew could bring down the entire Chantry, the Templar Order, and add further fuel to the fire of the mage rebellion.

The sweet sound of Hawke's laughter from inside the cottage reminded him exactly why he had stepped away from the fight in the first place. These last few months alone with her, out of danger and away from the politics of mages and Templars, had erased the last barriers between them, and Anders had never been happier. He had long ago resigned to the fact that his part in the war was over; change would come because of his actions and that was enough for him. It had to be, because he would not risk losing Hawke, or himself.

Seeing Solona where he had been years ago nearly broke his heart. If she were to take on this fight, she needed to know what she truly faced, and what she could lose. "You came all this way for Cullen, didn't you?" he asked.

"I couldn't do this without knowing..." Solona said. "I had to know if there was any hope for us, I had to try one last time before throwing my life away to this war."

"Then what are you doing?" Anders questioned. "You and I, we have very limited time left thanks to the taint. Do you want to waste that time on the run, dragging him from across the face of Thedas? Or would you rather spend your last remaining years making up for the time you've lost with him?"

Solona was confused, not expecting this reaction from him. The apostate who started the mage rebellion was trying to talk her out of continuing this fight? "Are you suggesting I do nothing?"

"Not nothing, no," Anders said. "But I am saying you needn't believe you are the only one in Thedas that can take on this task like I did." He took her hands in his, trying to make his point clear. "Justice does not approve of me saying these things. But Solona, you have given enough of yourself to Thedas. The Blight, the Wardens, now this? How much have you sacrificed for others? Listen to me, please, Solona. What you know _is_ important, but can just as easily be delivered by messenger to others who can act, instead of you taking this on personally. Go get Cullen, retreat to some secluded location and live the rest of your life for _you!_ "

She was about to respond when the sound of an arrow slicing through the air startled them both, only a second before it slammed into Anders' chest. Solona screamed his name as he fell into her lap and she immediately placed her hand over the wound, pressing hard to stem the blood that immediately began to gush. Another arrow came dangerously close to her head as it whooshed by her ear and instead hit the tree behind her. A third arrow fell at her feet, standing upright in the dirt.

Solona erected a barrier over the both of them, whispering to Anders to hold on as she felt his pulse weaken beneath her hand.


	16. Chapter 16

Cullen quickened his step as darkness covered the land, his small torch and the moonlight his only guide through the forest. Having to circle around the Vinmark Mountains had caused him extra travel time, but he didn't mind. Being out of Kirkwall safely, away from the Seekers, and minutes away from Solona made the delay worth every minute.

There was an eerie quiet to the woods when he approached the cabin, and immediately Cullen unsheathed his sword. The small puffs of smoke exiting the chimney told him there was no roaring fire within, when there should've been, given the night chill. No light beneath the door or through the splintered wood of the temporary home. His heart pounded in his chest, concern and fear welling up within him.

It was late; perhaps they were asleep. Bodahn's cart sat beside the cabin; a sign they were still there, he hoped. That's what he wanted to believe, but he could feel the lingering remnants of magic in the air. Without bothering to knock, Cullen opened the door to the cabin.

Fear turned into full-blown panic at the sight that greeted him. It wasn't the furniture that was in a state of disarray, nor was it the half finished meal or the overturned drinking glasses that had his throat closing and fear spreading through his body. On the floor was a pile of blankets that were soaked with blood, wrapped around what appeared to be a body.

Tossing the torch into the fireplace, Cullen knelt beside the covered corpse. Touching the blanket, he noted the blood was still warm and wet; whoever it was hadn't been dead for very long. He held his breath as he pulled back one layer, and then another, praying to the Maker he would not find Solona under the wraps.

Piercing blue eyes stared up at him, now unseeing, and Cullen could see clearly by what means this person had died. A jagged line slashed clear across the neck, blood still seeping from the gash. Sebastian Vael? What was he doing here? And more importantly, how was it that he met his death?

Cullen sprung to his feet, and picking up the torch once more, he followed the path of blood through the small cabin to the back door. Behind the home was further evidence of a fight; more blood, arrows embedded in the ground, in the trees, and the in hovel itself. Piecing the events together, Sebastian must have attacked whoever had been seated out here, and then they'd scrambled to get inside to safety. Yet it seemed he'd been determined to kill his target and had entered the cabin, only to be met by a blade to the throat.

But where was everyone now? Cullen doubted Sebastian had been injured outside and came in afterward, so whose blood was seeping into the ground, slowly dripping from the log near the fire pit?

He sunk the torch handle into the damp earth and retrieved Solona's phylactery from his pocket. Relying on his now former Templar training, Cullen closed his eyes and waved a hand over the vial to activate the tracking spell. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes; terrified the blood inside would remain a dull crimson.

Overwhelming relief flooded through him as the blood pulsed within, a sign that Solona was, in fact, alive. Knowing he now had the means to track her, Cullen remained at the cabin, cleaning up the evidence there'd been a battle, and buried everything with Sebastian under a large oak tree.

After a quick nap he set out upon the first rays of dawn, dragging Bodahn's cart behind him.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Varric sat back in his chair, mouth dry from spending the entire night and most of the morning retelling the tale of Marian Hawke. If that wasn't enough time for Cullen and the others to make their getaway, well he didn't know what else he could possibly do.

Cassandra held his book again in her hands, exhaustion from travel and from the hours listening to the night's tale showing on her face. The rumors they had heard, the lies that had already begun to spread, it was worse than she had feared. Of course that was assuming they could trust anything the dwarf had to say.

"So that's it," Varric concluded. "That's the whole story."

"To believe that Meredith turned on the Champion," Cassandra repeated from his final story. "She was to blame."

Varric shrugged. "Or that damned idol was. Or Anders. They all had a hand in it, but in the end, the Champion, even though a mage, stood by your Templars."

Cassandra understood loyalty. "Had the Champion not been there..."

"Meredith may still be ruling the city," Varric concluded for her. "Though I suspect the new knight-commander would have acted with or without the Champion. Of course if we hadn't gone to the Deep Roads and brought back that idol, Meredith may not have changed. It's all conjecture and speculation if you start thinking in terms of _what if."_

She knew that game all too well. It was her job to think on the what if's. "And the Champion is not in Kirkwall any longer?"

"Would you be?" Varric asked. "The decision to spare Anders was not a favorable one. They left before Meredith's idoled corpse had a chance to cool."

Cassandra eyed him warily. "I see," she said, though her tone hinted of her doubt.

"Tell me Seeker," Varric said, daring to use the opportunity to question her true motives. "How is hearing all of this going to help? You've already lost all the Circles from what we hear through tavern gossip. In fact, haven't your Templars rebelled as well? I thought you decided to abandon the Chantry to hunt the mages."

It surprised him when her features softened, and honest sadness shown through her eyes. "Not all of us desire war, Varric. Please, if you know where the Champion is, you must tell me." Noticing no change in his demeanor, she continued. "Hawke is a hero, a woman that the Templar's respect. Her leniency with Anders may earn her the mage's respect as well. She was there at the beginning, she may be the only one that can stop this madness before it's too late. She may be the only one who can."

She was good, he had to give her that. Her plea almost convinced him. "So that's what this is about. You're seeking her aid?"

"Our means may be a little extreme," Cassandra added. "But they are necessary."

For the first time since they started speaking, Varric actually felt sorry for her. "Knowing that is the case, I really wish I could help you."

Her shoulder sagged under the weight of his words. She had hoped, came all this way... "Just tell me one thing then: is the Champion dead?"

Varric offered her a reassuring smile. "After all that I have told you Seeker, all that she has survived thus far? I seriously doubt the rumors of her death."

Cassandra nodded. "Then you are free to go, Varric."

"Oh I think I'll stay here a bit longer," Varric informed her. "I doubt my legs could move just yet having been stuck in this chair the last few hours."

She said nothing further, and exited the estate followed by the two men who were guarding the door. Leliana was outside the mansion waiting for her. "So?"

"She is gone," Cassandra reported. "The Warden?"

"Dead," Leliana claimed, holding out her hand to reveal a phylactery. The liquid encased in the glass vial remained a dull crimson, even after the Seeker waved her hand over it.

"Then there is no need to remain here any longer," Cassandra decided. "The brother will only waste our time with as many lies as the dwarf."

Leliana was careful not to show her relief. "So then we proceed with the original plan?"

Cassandra nodded, waving a hand at her men to move out. "We return to Orlais and prepare for war."

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

"Don't even think about it sweet thing," Isabela warned Solona as she attempted to leave the camp for the third time.

"I have to go back," Solona said. "We left him no way to find us. He's going to walk into that cabin and see…"

Isabela rested a hand on Solona's shoulder. "That is precisely why we can't go back. Trust Hawke to work out a plan."

Solona looked in the direction of Hawke's tent. "If she ever comes out of there," Solona remarked.

Isabela shrugged as she sat back down on her bedroll. "Would you be in a hurry if what happened to Anders happened to Cullen?"

She didn't even want to think about Cullen being shot in the heart by some crazed madman. "No," Solona admitted. "I don't suppose I would. "

_Hawke had run outside the cabin the moment she heard Solona call Anders' name. Sebastian was walking toward Solona, who held a wounded Anders in her lap, his bow with an arrow at the ready pointed directly at Anders. Hawke noticed the protective shield around them fading as Solona split her magic between holding the shield and trying to keep Anders alive. Without thinking, she jumped in front of Sebastian._

" _Move away, Hawke," Sebastian said coldly. "I will kill this abomination for what he has done."_

_Hawke held up her hand, palm forward. "Sebastian, you have no idea..."_

" _Stand aside, Hawke," Sebastian repeated, as his hate-filled eyes swept over her, and he stretched back his bowstring more tightly. "Or I will see you dead as well."_

_Hawke, however, was only stalling for time. From the corner of her eye she could see the shadows behind Sebastian in motion. "If you will only listen," she implored. "We need to talk..."_

" _No!" shouted Sebastian, releasing the arrow that was aimed for Hawke's chest._

_One hand gripped the end of the arrow before it could leave the bow as another hand reached over his shoulder and sliced Sebastian's throat. In a failed attempt to save his own life, Sebastian dropped his bow and clutched the wound, falling to his knees. Retrieving a dagger from his boot, Sebastian made one final attempt at killing Anders, lunging forward past Hawke. Both Solona and Hawke released spells to push Sebastian away, and he stumbled backward._

_Taking his last breaths, Sebastian used them to curse the three. "They shall be named Maleficar, accursed ones ," he quoted from the Chant of Light. "You shall find no rest in this world, or beyond."_

_Isabela pressed a heeled boot into Sebastian's chest, assuring Hawke and Solona there would be no further attack. Solona dropped the shield surrounding her and Anders, and Hawke knelt beside them to assist in the healing._

"I still can't believe he was willing to kill Hawke to get to Anders," Solona said. "When I ran into him in Kirkwall he didn't seem like the crazy killer type at all."

"Do they ever?" Isabela asked. "A shame really. I had so hoped to enjoy that one once he reclaimed Starkhaven."

Solona sighed sadly. "Instead he threw his life away for revenge, and didn't even get that before he died." She couldn't help but feel sorry for him, even if he had nearly kill her.

"Thank the Maker for small favors," Hawke commented as she exited her tent. Solona and Isabela turned to look at her as she approached them. "I'm not sorry he's dead, I'm just sorry I didn't get to kill him."

"How is Anders?" Solona asked in an attempt to change the topic of conversation.

Hawke looked back at the tent with a smile. "He's recovering."

Isabela couldn't hide her smirk. "From the wound, or from your excursions last night? Still loud as ever Hawke."

Her smile widened. "Yes well, he hasn't even a scar, but someone had to make sure everything was still working." She took a seat beside Isabela and turned to Solona. "Now I imagine you'd like to run off and do the same?"

Solona felt her cheeks flush. "Maybe not to the same extent, from what I heard," Solona countered. "But yes, I would very much like to go back. We left in such a hurry..."

"Going back is not an option," Hawke told her. "I know you wish it, but Anders and I can not take that risk, nor should you."

Solona rose to her feet. "I understand, and I don't expect you to. But it is my risk to take, and while you have your love returned to you safe and sound, I need to be reunited with mine." She began returning food and clothing to her pack. "And forgive me for saying so, but I do not need your permission to do it."

"No, you don't," Hawke agreed. "But you have no idea where he is, or even if he made it out of Kirkwall. He could still be in the city or have already been to the cabin and moved on. The two of you blindly walking the Free Marches isn't going to reunite you any faster."

"I should've stayed in Cumberland," Solona regretted out loud. "He probably thinks we went there, caught a ship somewhere."

Isabela shrugged. "Or he thinks you went to Orlais with Bodahn."

"What he _doesn't_ know is we went north instead," Solona reminded them both. "Nevarra was not in any discussion we've had. And he definitely won't find me here, off the Imperial Highway, hidden behind boulders camping out."

"Anders and I set up this escape route long ago," Hawke reminded her. "We have supplies stashed all the way to Nevarra and through the Silent Plains, if necessary."

"I can't go with you," Solona stated. "Not without Cullen. I won't lose him again. I can't, and you should understand that."

"And this is why no man will ever tie me down," Isabela said. "Why don't the two of you give me a day to run back to the cabin, check things out, and leave a sign or something for him if it looks like he hasn't been there? Since the cabin is the only place he's sure you've been, right?"

Solona nodded. "And if he's already been there?"

"One problem at a time," Hawke said. "We can think of something while Isabela is gone." Hawke punched her friend in the arm. "Wow Isabela, good plan!"

Isabela smiled. "I have them occasionally."

"Hurry back," Solona told her as she handed the pack of supplies to the rogue.

Isabela kissed her on the cheek. "If I find him, you owe me."

"Anything but that Isabela," Solona joked, feeling a little calmer now that something was being done to bring Cullen back to her.

All she could do now was wait.


	17. Chapter 17

Isabela made her way skillfully through Cumberland, blending into the shadows near huddles of people to listen in on the town gossip. Though a slight detour on her way back to the cabin, the rogue pirate thought caution was worth the time spent, especially if rumor of a bloody murder outside the city had already reached eager storytellers.

There was no mention of the horrific crime that took place the night before, but there was plenty of idle chatter about the Seekers and their march through the city. A few had speculated that Kirkwall was under attack, while others assumed the group's mission was to help rebuild the fallen Chantry. Most didn't seem to care either way; they were used to the Seeker and Templar visits, as Cumberland held the quarterly meetings for the College of Magi.

Moving on from the merchant district, Isabela headed toward the only other place in a city she would likely find the best gossip; the local inn. She had no problem fitting in there, as there were many foreign travelers mixing among locals in the pub downstairs. The owner of the Blue Flame eyed her with a curious glance when she rested her breasts on the bar.

"What'll it be?" he asked, his gaze lifting from her cleavage.

"Shot of whiskey," she ordered. "Not staying long enough for anything else."

"Hmm," he grunted. "That's too bad."

She ignored the innuendo as she searched the crowd. No matter what the city, Isabela had always felt most at home in places like this. The freedom to be whoever she wanted, knowing she wouldn't see most of the same faces the next day. She was mildly distracted by a man in the corner of the room, when the clank of a shot glass hit the wood behind her.

"That man over there," Isabela questioned the bartender. "How long has he been here?"

Glancing over her shoulder, the owner replied. "Few hours. Been nursing that drink. too. He just stares into the glass." Wiping down the bar and then tossing the towel over his shoulder, he added, "seems like trouble. Probably best you stay away."

Answering his advice with only a smile, Isabela lifted her drink and poured the warm liquid into her mouth. Licking her lips after she swallowed, she dropped the glass back onto the bar. "Precisely why I won't," she said, before tossing some coin on the counter.

Moving through the tables of midday drunks and travelers, Isabela made herself comfortable in the vacant seat across from the man in the corner. "Well, look at you," she said. "I barely recognized you."

His eyes lifted from his full mug and gazed wearily at her. "Isabela?" he said, squinting to see her through the haze that covered his vision. Realization hit him, and his eyes widened. "Is she here? Is she with you? Is she safe?"

Isabela rested her hand on his arm. "No, she's not with me, but she is safe," she told him. "Maker Cullen, you look like shit."

Cullen wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, sweat dripping down his cheek. "I thought I was only tired, stopped to rest. I haven't been able to... to think, or move." He shook his head. "Something isn't right."

"I'll say," she confirmed, taking a good look at him. "You almost look like you've been poisoned. Hands shaking, skin pale... you haven't been to the cabin have you?"

The cabin. Yes, he had been there hadn't he? He was searching for something, for someone? He couldn't retrieve the memory. In fact, Cullen barely knew where he was at the moment. "I, uhm..." he nodded, pulling at the image in the back of his mind. There was a cabin, something inside the cabin... what was it?

Isabela sighed. She knew she should've cleaned up before they bolted from Hawke's temporary home. Between Sebastian's arrows and her daggers, she had no doubt Cullen had come in contact with the poison that lay silent and deadly among the wreckage. "Wait here," she told him, though in his present condition, he wasn't likely to go anywhere.

Returning to the owner of the inn, Isabela purchased a room for the night. She helped Cullen to his feet, and brought his arm around her shoulder to help support his wavering stance. "Come on big boy," she encouraged him. "Time to go."

It was tricky maneuvering him down the hallway without them both falling, yet finally Isabela leaned him against the wall while she worked the key into the lock. "Amazing how much easier it is with a key," she said turning the object to hear a less than satisfying click of the mechanism. "Though not as satisfying."

Cullen lifted his hand to her cheek and slid his fingers down her face. "Solona," he whispered with a heated look of desire in his eyes.

"Oh no you don't," Isabela said, gripping his wrist and preventing him from further exploration. "That won't end well for either of us." She couldn't help but notice his growing arousal pressed against her hip as she slipped her arms around him. "Maker, why do you tempt me!" she exclaimed, pushing aside her curiosity on how delicious it would be to bed the man, and instead helped him into the room.

She secured the door and struggled as Cullen continued to believe she was Solona, groping at her clothing and trying to undress her. "You may take your shirt off," she informed him. "But I will keep what little I have on." With a forceful shove she pushed him onto the bed,

His grin widened.

This is going to be a long night, Isabela thought to herself as she pulled away from him to get a wet cloth from the basin on the table. With his hallucinations increasing, Cullen was only at the beginning stages of the poison working its way through his body. He was in no condition to travel, and she couldn't leave him alone.

There would be no returning to Solona and the others this evening.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Night came with no word from Isabela, and Solona refrained from thinking the worst. Several escape attempts throughout the evening and until the morning's sunrise prompted Hawke and Anders to take shifts watching her, assuring she was unsuccessful in leaving the campsite to search for the pirate and the Templar. Eventually, she succumbed to exhaustion, sleep taking hold, as the Fade embraced her with welcoming dreams of Cullen.

The sounds of breakfast preparations caused her to stir, and Solona exited her tent, wiping groggy eyes as they adjusted to the sunlight. Anders offered her a warm smile and a plate as she sat beside him. "You two don't believe in roughing it, do you."

"All the comforts of home," Hawke chided gleefully as she dropped the hot meat on Solona's plate. "I believe in being prepared."

"An honorable trait, cousin," Solona said as she took a bite. "And she's a keeper Anders. Won't find many women on the run that can cook. You're lucky!"

Glancing up at Hawke as she heated water for tea, Anders couldn't agree more. "I am a lucky man," he repeated Solona's sentiment, reaching for Hawke's rear to give her a playful slap.

"Keep that up and you'll be a thirsty man," Hawke teased, pouring the liquid into a mug and handing it to Solona. Knowing she had nearly lost Anders the day before, Hawke didn't really mind his jovial spirit. But of course she'd never let him know that.

The snapping of a branch in the distance caused Solona's head to turn quickly, hoping the noise meant Cullen was near. When a bird flew from the tree she'd been focused on, she couldn't hide her disappointed frown.

"They'll be here," Anders assured her with a pat on her knee. "We sit and wait, that is the plan."

With a sigh Solona continued with her meal, avoiding the nagging thoughts that something may have gone wrong. "I promise to stay put," she told them. "I know leaving is pointless and will just cause further problems."

"Speaking of problems," Anders said. "We never did get to finish our conversation, the one so rudely interrupted by an arrow in my chest."

Hawke hated the image that came to mind with his casually spoken statement, and had to remind herself that Anders was fine. "Let us hope the continuation doesn't have the same effect."

Solona nodded in agreement. "What were we talking about again? Oh yes, the plight of mages and how I'm supposed to just sit back and do nothing, much like you have." She hadn't meant for it to sound so harsh, and apologized immediately. "What you did certainly caused the Chantry to re-examine their stance more closely, but sadly I don't think it's enough."

"You're right," Hawke said, surprising the both of them. "It's not enough. They'll cover this up like they do everything else. But the information you have, that'll blow this war wide open. Anders filled me in on what you two discussed, and while I agree you don't have to play a part in it, the fact remains the Chantry is corrupt. And that needs to be known, by any means necessary."

"Do you think we were wrong then?" Anders asked Hawke. "By leaving and not pursuing the cause further?"

"No," she said, settling on a small rock to face them. "You've done enough, we've given enough. If other mages are happy with the way they are treated, they will do nothing. If they want to fight, this is their chance. But now, with news of the Chantry altering lyrium to enslave their Templars? They're faithful followers? _That_ is what will let this fire spread, and maybe change things for the better."

Solona wasn't so certain. "Or, it may destroy everything in its path."

"No, it won't," Anders said. "Imagine the Templars and mages, unified in their defiance against the Chantry. The Seekers may be able to create order for both sides. If the Templars aren't addicted and delusional, then the mages will be treated fairly and won't need to resort to blood magic and corruption."

Solona laughed. "That's assuming the Seekers aren't as corrupt as the Chantry, or play a willing part in brainwashing the Templars. There's still so much we don't know."

"And you may never know," Hawke added. "But the point is, this is not your battle to fight. You have the information, give it to people who can do something about it. Surely in your travels you've come across those you trust who are in the right positions?"

Thinking about it, Solona wondered if it would be that easy. To confide in Leliana, King Alistair, those within power across Ferelden and the Free Marches. Maybe it would only take a handful of meetings to spread the word. Rumors were sometimes better than proof, and if the Seekers weren't aware of what was going on, they'd at least have to look into it. "It would keep us out of danger," she thought aloud. "Maybe I should've met with the Seekers in Kirkwall."

"I wouldn't go that far," Anders chuckled. "But there are those at least in Ferelden that owe you their lives; it could be beneficial to meet with them, share this proof you have, and then be done with it. Let them take it to the Seekers, and you and Cullen can settle on some island and live happily ever after."

"Or at least until the Calling," Solona reminded him, setting a somber mood between the three. "But we'd get back that time together we've lost."

Hawke's lips turned in an endearing smile toward Anders. "Our time together is already limited thanks to the Wardens," she said to the both of them, speaking further on the taint that was slowly killing both Solona and Anders. "Why let the Chantry take what little of it that remains?"

Another rustling through the trees caused them all to turn, and then a stray arrow landed a few feet from the trio. "Maker!" Hawke exclaimed as Anders and Solona jumped from their seated positions. "Not again!"

"My apologies," someone called from the distance, and the three remained defensive until a scraggly looking man came toward the camp. "I didn't know anyone was here! Teachin' my boy to shoot is all, and his arrow got away from him."

Behind the man was a small boy, carrying a bow with an embarrassed look on his face. "I'm sorry," he muttered, kicking the dirt with a worn shoe.

Solona couldn't help but laugh as the tension left her body. "It's alright," she assured the father and son.

"I'll just take him over there a ways," the older man gestured further north as they continued on. "Good day!"

Hawke shook her head. "Well, that settles it. Time to move. We don't know what he may have overheard, or who he even is."

Solona gasped. "We can't go, they haven't returned!" she protested.

Anders agreed with Hawke's decision to move. Maybe the man really was just out teaching his son to shoot, but someone knowing their position wasn't safe. "Cullen is a Templar; we'll just use some magic as a trail for him to follow. I'm sure he can sense a few spells. We can use them to cover our tracks."

"Good plan," Hawke said with a smile. "Some ice spells or something should do the trick. We won't go far, promise, but we can't stay."

Solona assisted with the cleanup, hurriedly packing the camp. She didn't have much say in the decision, but knew they were right to want to move. With any luck they wouldn't go too far out of earshot, and Cullen would think to use his Templar training to find them.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

"Well this doesn't look good," Isabela said as they approached the campsite. It appeared as if the others had left in a hurry, and the pirate frowned as she knelt beside an arrow embedded into the ground. "Simple bandits maybe, though by the make of this cheap and with clearly bad aim."

Cullen assessed the damage. Seeing no corpses or further evidence of battle, and sensing no magic in the immediate area, he hoped they'd found a way out of the situation peacefully. Either that or they were so outnumbered they surrendered willingly. The longer he was apart from Solona, however, the more he would continue to worry. He retrieved the phylactery from his pocket and breathed a sigh of relief as the crimson liquid shimmered brightly; a sure sign Solona was still alive.

"She's not far," Cullen informed Isabela after he'd studied the vial.

Isabela stood, her back toward Cullen, as she continued to search the camp. "Don't tell me, your heart tells you she lives, so it must be so?" Which reminded her that she still had the phylactery Leliana had given her, the one that she'd thought was Solona's. She retrieved it from the pouch on her hip and turned to give it to him. That's when she noticed he was holding a similar vial.

"Where did you get this?" Cullen asked, retrieving the vial from her hand.

"An old friend," Isabela told him with a shrug. "Forgot I had it until now, but I'm guessing you can track her with it. Whose do you have?"

Cullen shook his head. "I have Solona's," he stated as he studied the two phylacteries. "This old friend wouldn't happen to be Leliana would it?"

An angry _hmph_ escaped Isabela's lips. "Why would the circle have two phylacteries for your Warden?"

"They wouldn't," Cullen replied. He channeled his Templar skills into the new phylactery and the liquid within shimmered in tune with the one he already held. "This one must belong to Anders," he told her. "The energy signature is different, but it's another mage who is near her, so it must be him."

"Oh, she is good," Isabela said, annoyed yet somewhat proud of the bard for successfully manipulating her. "How does it work? Can you tell how far away they are?"

"Close," was his only reply as he began moving in the direction the phylacteries led him. "Let's go."

Isabela followed as Cullen returned to the Imperial Highway and began heading north. Leaving behind Kirkwall, and adding distance between himself and the Seekers was comforting, and knowing each step they took brought him closer to Solona, Cullen quickened his pace.

"I see your energy has returned," Isabela remarked as she matched his long strides. Though she'd never admit it, she had been worried. The condition she'd found him in... well, if she hadn't shown up, who knows what could have happened? Lucky for him she knew poisons as well as she knew a man's body, or a woman's. The toxic substance worked its way out of his system within hours, and both were able to get a few hours sleep before morning.

Cullen ignored her comment, and didn't let up. The faster the liquid within the vials pulsed in his palm, the more hurried his step became; up the Imperial Highway and then west toward the Fields of Ghislain. "They aren't much further," Cullen called back to Isabela as his boots, along with the sheer force of his momentum, pushed through the brush.

An audible groan escaped her lips. Isabela could feel the burn in her shins; while she prided herself on being fit, the tread and speed on this uneven terrain was starting to test even her stamina. "You go on without me," she called, collapsing against a fallen tree. "I'll be here, dying."

Ignoring her obvious melodramatics, Cullen pressed on. His love was so close; he no longer counted on the phylactery in his hand, but focused on the beating of his heart, as if Isabela was correct and love alone could lead him to Solona.

Finally, he saw her in the distance. Solona was running toward him, and Cullen dropped his pack, opening his arms wide to accept her. She threw her arms around his neck just as his encircled her waist, lifting her off the ground. He looked up at her, into those big, beautiful gray eyes shimmering in the sunlight, and he nearly cried with relief.

Cullen captured her mouth with a hungry urgency. His tongue slid through her parted, trembling lips, finding hers as she released a breathless whimper. The silky sweet taste of her enticed him to further plunder, explore, sweep and swirl with a desperate, intoxicating need. Solona matched his ferocity with her own, ravaging him as if to absorb his very essence into her soul.

As she wrapped her legs around his waist, Solona could feel his need for her pressing against the juncture of her thighs. Cullen adjusted his arms to support her bottom, inwardly cursing the barrier of clothing between them. Their kiss continued; her eyes fluttered closed as his did the same, both fighting the need to breath as they drank from each other, oblivious to the world around them.


	18. Chapter 18

 

Solona's arm was draped lazily across Cullen's chest, her fingers tracing invisible patterns along his skin. The soft movement caused him to stir, pulling her closer to him as he kissed the top of her head. "Good morning," he whispered, giving her shoulder a light squeeze.

"A very good morning," Solona replied, lifting her head to settle above his breast, listening to his heartbeat. Curling her leg over his, she continued to nuzzle him wherever their skin came in contact. "What's on the agenda for today?"

Cullen laughed as he ran a hand through her hair, gently brushing random strays away from his lips. "I don't believe we have one."

"Good," she said, closing her eyes, and her lashes tickled his skin. "Let's stay here for the next decade or so."

"As enticing as that sounds," Cullen said, "I'm not so sure my back can take another night on the cold, hard ground."

Solona rolled onto her stomach and looked up at him, resting her head on her crossed arms. "You're going to need to learn to rough it a bit," she said with a joyful squint of her eyes. "No straw beds and stone ceilings for you anytime soon."

Cullen caressed her cheek, tracing her scar with his thumb. "You are so beautiful," he whispered. He'd completely forgot what they were discussing when her gray eyes met his.

Her cheeks flushed, warming to his compliment. "You're not so bad yourself," she said, turning her face into his palm and planting soft kisses along his hand. "But in all seriousness, I guess we should come up with some kind of plan."

Cullen sat up and reached for his waterskin, taking a swig before handing it to her. "You're the adventurer," he said. "You tell me. Off to Denerim? See the sites in Antiva? Or storm Orlais and demand an audience with the Divine?"

"I was thinking much simpler," Solona told him. "Like what's for breakfast? Or if there are any good lakes around for a bath?"

"There's the most delicious little pond through the brush," Isabela's voice sang as she peeked her head into their tent. Cullen immediately reached for the blanket to cover his chest, but Isabela gave him a sly grin. "Have you forgotten our time together already?" she asked him. "I've already seen all you have to offer, don't be shy now."

Solona's gaze drifted between the two of them. "Something you two want to tell me?"

Isabela blew them both a kiss. "Hawke made the most delicious breakfast, whenever you two are ready to join the rest of us," she said before retreating, ignoring Solona's question.

"You never did tell me what happened?" Solona now asked. "What took you two so long to find us?"

"As I recall you weren't in the mood for much talk yesterday," Cullen reminded her.

Solona sat up and reached for her shirt and then slipped into it. No, she hadn't been in the mood to talk yesterday. Finally seeing him after not knowing if she ever would again, all she could think of was being with him. She'd been overwhelmed by the need to prove to herself that he was really with her and this was really happening. After spending most of their lives apart, now they could truly be together.

A weight in the pit of her stomach formed when she realized there was so much more they needed to discuss. Upcoming travel and her stance on the war would be easiest, that didn't concern her. But there was a secret Solona had kept from Cullen, one he deserved to know, and the fear of his reaction threatened to consume her.

Cullen noticed her change in mood immediately. He wasn't sure if it was Isabela's comment, or his, but something had caused her to suddenly leap from his side and begin dressing. "Solona," he called to her as she hastily pulled up her trousers.

"You should hurry," she said running her fingers through her disheveled hair. "Anders eats enough for three; if we wait too long there'll be nothing left."

He stood and reached out for her in an attempt to grab her hand and stop her hurried movements. Solona slipped through his grasp, but halted her actions. She had run from him too many times in the past; she had made a promise to herself, to him, that their future would be one they would create together.

However long that future was.

The weight of the pending discussion nearly crushed her heart, and she broke down before she even began. Warm, strong arms were around her in an instant, and Solona held on to Cullen with fierce strength.

Whatever it was that had her shaking in his embrace, Cullen was not going to let it ruin the fact that they were finally reunited, and free. "Solona," he whispered her name, hoping to calm her. "What is it?"

In a hurried rush of nearly incoherent words, Solona told him the dreaded secrets that no one outside the Wardens were ever meant to hear. She began with the Joining, explaining to him exactly how it was a Grey Warden came to be. How she had ingested a mixture of darkspawn blood, lyrium and the blood of an archdemon to be forever connected to darkspawn... and forever tainted. Cullen listened intently, as she told him about the deaths that had occurred at her Joining, and inwardly thanked the Maker that she had been the one to survive.

She poured her heart out to him, telling him her limited knowledge on a Warden's ability to bear children. Never having discussed family in the short time they'd been back together, Solona wasn't sure how that news would sit with him. She had her own fears, even without the taint in her blood; that bringing a child into this world, possibly born of magic, could be devastating for the both of them. Cullen assured her that whatever the future held for them in that regard, they'd face it together. When she looked into his eyes, she could not doubt his sincerity.

She broke down again then, and through sniffles and tears Solona told him about the Calling. That one day she would ultimately succumb to the darkspawn taint. Wardens were not immune to the blight sickness, and eventually she would turn into one of the foul creatures if she didn't end her life first. She explained the tradition of the Calling, how aging Wardens descend into the underground to slay as many of the bastards as possible until the darkspawn would finally kill them. Though the number of years she had left were unknown, Solona told him the dreaded truth - that those who became Wardens during a blight had less years than others, simply because of the vast amounts of spawn she had been forced to kill during her time in Ferelden.

"Yesterday I didn't know we'd have tomorrow," Cullen told her. "In the Tower I didn't know we'd have today. Solona, I am with you here, now, and that matters more to me than anything. I left the Order to give my life to you, to us, and I will cherish however many _nows_ we are blessed with."

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Given the length of their morning discussion, it was clear that Cullen and Solona had long missed breakfast by the time they emerged from their tent. The two were near starving at this point, having expended much energy in the emotion of the morning's conversation, so they were very thankful that Hawke had remained, patiently, to prepare a sendoff feast midday.

"Never imagined I'd be sitting down to lunch with the Knight-Commander," Anders said with a light tone, shaking his head after stating the odd fact. "Maybe if this happened more often, there'd be no need for war."

"I agree," Cullen stated. "Though I am no longer the Knight-Commander."

His statement surprised the group, but seeing how Cullen refused to release Solona's hand as they ate, it was clear where his motivation for such an act lay. Solona squeezed his hand gently within hers, still overwhelmed by his gesture, and his assurances that he would remain by her side for the rest of her life.

"Well in that case," Anders said with a grin, "more meat my friend?"

The group laughed and continued their meal, bantering about upcoming travels and what the future might hold for them all. Isabela informed them she'd be returning to Kirkwall, and would deliver a message to Carver for Hawke, before most likely hitting the open seas again. She made Solona and Hawke both promise to keep in touch, using Varric as their point of contact, but deep down she doubted either one would. And as a woman who'd been on the run most of her life, she understood this.

Hawke and Anders remained quiet about their plans. No doubt they already had some place scouted out, stocked, and waiting for them, given the way Hawke had prepared their escape route to begin with. It saddened Solona to think she may never see her cousin again; having just met her, she would've liked to spend more time with the Champion, and with Anders. But both couples knew remaining together would only increase their chances of being recognized or caught, so separation was inevitable.

As breakfast came to a close, Cullen asked Anders if they could have a private word. The three women were curious, and a bit concerned, about what the former Templar had to say to the mage. It wasn't long, however, before realization hit Isabela, and she simply offered a knowing grin as the two men moved away from the camp.

"Is this the part where you yell 'surprise!' and kill me for my actions in Kirkwall?" Anders joked, a hint of nervousness in his tone.

Cullen shook his head. "Just the opposite," he said, retrieving the phylactery from his pocket. Cullen activated the vial and then held it out for Anders, showing him that it was, in fact, his.

With a shaking hand, Anders reached for the glass vial containing his blood. For years he had hoped, nearly prayed, that he'd find this very object and destroy it, thus granting him permanent freedom from the Templars. It brought the mage to tears to finally have it in his grasp, seconds from shattering the leash, the noose, wrapped figuratively around his neck.

He turned his back to Cullen, mesmerized by the pulsing liquid, small diamonds of light dancing within his contained blood. The energy tickled his palms, like a soft static charge soothing his soul. Anders wrapped his fingers around the small cylindrical object, hovering on the moment of extinguishing a part of his past he thought he'd never come to own.

Brushing away a fallen tear from his cheek with the back of his hand, Anders faced Cullen again. "No," he said, struggling internally with Justice when the spirit realized what its host was about to do. "Keep it," Anders told Cullen, holding out his hand. "When it's her time, come find me."

Cullen hesitated, knowing full well what Anders was sacrificing on behalf of Solona. The knowledge was still too new, the wound too raw for him to speak aloud - that her Calling would take her from him... He swallowed hard against his own grief.

Yet, here was Anders, risking his freedom for Solona, handing Cullen his very life's blood so that he might help her in her final hour of need. The last of Cullen's bitter resentment, the last dregs of hatred that Uldred had planted so deeply in his heart, could not stand against such an unselfish gesture. What Solona had healed within him - what her love had made possible - was that he could now look on this mage, this man, as a friend.

He reached out his hand and accepted the offered phial, and for a moment, their gazes locked and held. So much was said in that one look. The Templar and the mage, fated to be enemies, had learned to respect and trust each other beyond what Cullen would have ever believed. Beyond what anyone would have thought possible, no matter which side they called their own.

In Anders' eyes, Cullen saw no fear or doubt, only his own compassion reflected back to him.

He laid a firm but gentle hand on his friend's shoulder and nodded once. No words were necessary, their understanding was complete. And as Cullen turned and walked away, his fractured heart was also filled with hope, despite the unbearable loss he knew it was his destiny to endure.

**._.~`~._.*~*~*._.~`~._.**

Several hours passed as they walked in silence after they'd said their final goodbyes to the others. Only the faint whisper of the wind blowing through the trees could be heard above their soft footfalls. Cullen had opened his mouth to begin speaking several times, but each time he'd stopped himself after looking at Solona. Her eyes were distant, clearly lost in thought, and he wasn't at all sure he wanted to interrupt her daydreams. For the first time in so very long, things seemed to be looking up, after all. Why risk commenting on it, and chase the fragile peace away?

The sky was just beginning to darken when Solona finally spoke. "We're not going to hit Nevarra before dusk," she said, her voice regretful. "Looks like you're going to have to camp another night."

"Nevarra," Cullen echoed, thoughtfully. "Is that where we're going?" Solona came to a sudden stop beside him and Cullen turned to face her, startled. "What?"

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head with a small smile. "Just... we should probably talk about this. What we're going to do now, I mean. I've gone over it in my head so many times, in the past few days, I'm afraid I forgot we never actually discussed it."

Cullen shrugged. "If you have a plan, I'm content to follow. All that matters to me is we're together. The details can take care of themselves."

Solona stared at him in silence for a long moment. "Since when are you so laid back?"

"I've spent the better part of my life following the rules of a corrupt order," he reminded her, surprised at the bitterness he heard in his own voice. "I'd rather not trust our safety to my judgment."

Solona frowned, reaching a hand up to gently cup his cheek. "The Templars aren't the ones who are corrupt," she said firmly. "It's the Chantry that's behind all this. And you certainly weren't in any position to know, either way."

Cullen caught her hand in his when she released him, squeezing it gently. "I was the Knight-Commander," he reminded her. "It was my responsibility, my _duty_ , to know. All those men who followed me, all those men I recruited..." he trailed off, shrugging helplessly. "I should have seen it somehow. And no," he continued, before she could interrupt, "I don't know how. I know it's not rational, but it doesn't change how I feel."

"We're going to stop it," she vowed, blinking several times to stop the sudden moisture behind her eyes.

"What?" Cullen demanded, studying her face intently. "What's wrong?"

Solona shook her head and tried to smile, but she couldn't quite manage it. "Nothing," she insisted.

"Solona."

She leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around her, leaning his head on top of hers. "Hawke and Anders," she began, speaking against his chest, "they had a suggestion. But it doesn't matter. You need to do this, I get that."

"Solona," Cullen repeated, and she didn't have to be able to see his face to know that his lips were pursed in exasperation. "I can't give you an opinion when you talk in riddles. Please. Tell me what you're talking about."

"They thought we should pass the evidence on," she confessed. "Give it to someone we trust, let them use it, and instead of fighting ourselves we just... disappear. So I thought we could give it to Alistair, and maybe get a house in Redcliffe. Granted, there's nowhere I'm more recognizable, but they'd do anything for me. They'd certainly let us hide there." She pulled away from him, looking up and meeting his eyes straight on. "It was a nice fantasy. But you need to do more. I understand that, Cullen, I really do. We'll do it together. Maybe go to..." The frantic flow of words stopped abruptly when she saw his lips twitch, clearly fighting not to laugh. "Sorry," she said, trying to hide the hurt she was feeling. "I know, it could never be that simple."

He lost the battle against his own amusement, then. "Oh, Solona," he gasped, between uncontrollable laughter. "Maker, but I love you." He wrapped his arms around her again, this time lifting her straight up into the air before pulling her back against him and pressing his lips to hers. She didn't return his kiss, and held herself stiffly, battling between confusion and offense. He released her a moment later, still smiling.

"Well, I'm glad I could make you feel better, at least," she said, at a complete loss to understand his reaction.

"Do you think you and I, alone, could turn the tide of this war?" Cullen asked, shaking his head. "Alistair sounds like the perfect person to put this information to good use. He's well placed, and, more importantly, well protected. You and I? We could be eliminated all too easily, if we tried to do this ourselves. And there's nothing I'd like more than to settle down with you. If Redcliffe is where we can do that, then Redcliffe it is."

"But..." Solona frowned. "But what about feeling responsible? You said..."

"And I do," Cullen acknowledged, sobering abruptly. "That doesn't mean I'm going to dedicate the rest of my life to them. I left the Templars, remember. I'm certainly not going to let you dedicate the rest of _your_ life to this stupid war. We have to do something, yes. That doesn't mean single-handedly defeating all the evils of the world." He reached out, brushing a stray piece of hair away from her eyes and tucking it behind her ear. "I'm far too selfish for that, Solona."

"No, you're not," she protested immediately. "You're the least selfish person I think I've ever known."

Cullen shook his head. "That's certainly not true," he said. "You are the Hero of Ferelden. You stopped the blight. If you put your mind to it, you probably could stop this war. But it's far too big a risk. You just told me you're already on borrowed time." Solona closed her eyes, a single tear escaping to slide down her right cheek. It was wiped away by gentle fingers a moment later, as once again Cullen's arms wrapped around her. "I'm not going to risk losing you a second before I have to." Solona turned her face up to his and this time she returned the gentle pressure of his lips with her own.

It was several minutes before Solona was able to work up the will to break the kiss and step away from the sheltering embrace of his arms. She cleared her throat, then asked, "Nevarra?"

Cullen flashed a quick grin at her. "Right. Nevarra. And then?"

"Well, it's a bit of a hike, but if we can't find a better way, I thought we'd take the mountains through to Antiva. I have a friend there who can help get us a boat to Ferelden. Unfortunately I'm far too recognizable for us to take any other route."

"Sounds like a plan," Cullen confirmed. "And you know how much I love camping."

Solona gave a small laugh at that. "Well, if we're lucky there will be other options. I'm hoping we come across a caravan in Nevarra that will take us to Antiva." She shrugged helplessly. "No matter what, it's going to take us awhile to get there."

Cullen smiled back at her. "I'm sure we'll find some way to pass the time."

They stood facing each other and smiling helplessly for a long moment, then Solona forced the grin from her face and reached out, wrapping her hand firmly around his and squeezing gently. "It's not your fault."

"Solona..."

"No," she quickly interrupted, before he could argue. "It is not your fault. If you never believe another word I say, believe this. There was no way you could have known. And..." she hesitated a moment, then sighed and forced the words out, "and if you need to be more involved, if you change your mind... I'll be with you."

"I won't change my mind," Cullen said. "And it's not your responsibility to save the world. Especially since you already have."

Solona shook her head ruefully. "We're a pair, aren't we?"

"Clearly made for each other," he agreed. He ran a hand through his hair before glancing around at the field where they stood. "We should get settled for the night. You can tell me about this house we're going to have in Redcliffe. You know, they'd probably build one just for you, if you asked."

"For us," she corrected.

He nodded, leaning down to capture her lips with his own once more before agreeing, "For us."

**._.~`~._.*~The End~*._.~`~._.**

 


End file.
